There are reasons to be thankful this year: Just ask Tina Sherman, Joe Lieberman, and Sarah Palin

Despite our involvement in the Pentagon’s pocketbuster hits The Neverending Wars: Parts I (Terror), II (Afghanistan), and III (Iraq); the exponential rise in health care costs and premiums, a schizophrenic lame-duck presidency, and the economy bottoming out, there’s a lot to be thankful for these days.

You just have to poke around…

For example. I’m thankful:

1. For all of the technological advancements such as free blog sites and YouTube, which have helped level Democracy’s playing field – unless of course you have a predilection for illegal dumping or leaving your cell phone (with nude pics of your wife on it) behind at McDonalds.

Tina Serman, whose husband left his cell phone with explicit photos of her behind at McDonalds, plans on suing the fast-food chain for $3 million after the pictures were posted all over the Internet.

2. That I’m not Sen. Joe Lieberman, whose plans to lay the groundwork for war on Iran were throttled by President-elect Obama’s victory. However, I’m willing to bet 30 pieces of gold that we have not heard the last of The Lone Jew of the Apocalypse and his plans to launch WW III in the Middle East. No wonder the Dems left Joe the Warmonger at the head of the Homeland Security table in the Senate. The reason, however, I’m most thankful that I’m not Joe Lieberman is that I could not bare knowing that my voice was the prototype for Alf’s dad. The horror, the horror…

3. That my 6th-grade elementary teacher taught me during our introduction into sex education to abstain from drunk, adulterous sex in bathroom stalls with alleged strangers at UI Hawkeye Football games – either home or away. This mini-lesson helped me navigate my way through six seasons of football as a season-ticket holder unfettered.

4. Sara Palin plans on making a presidential run in 2012. Satirists rejoice!

The Sarah Palin Turkey Massacre



(Note: I’m thankful I’m not the turkey in the background, who was fed to the turkey chipper. Great backdrop for political theater, eh?)

5. For the 22nd amendment to the Constitution (That’s the one, Sarah, that limits the president to two terms (wink)).

We’re Not Quoteworthy!!!: “Fallout’s Weekly Political Revue (No. 3)

Deerspotting: Deer Vaccination Nation

"It's (deer vaccine/proposed contraceptive) not something you want anyone or everyone to use," said Dale Garner, wildlife bureau chief at the Iowa Department of Natural Resources. "We want to make sure it's not used willy-nilly in the state." "What if some people in a neighborhood get a deer down ... and it's kicking or takes a side step or a roll and some guy or lady gets injected in the rear end?" he said. "Or if somebody's shooting a dart gun at deer in a park, and it misses an animal and hits a person? Or if a kid picks up an unspent dart and the injection goes off?"

Sounds like Dale’s already been dipping into the deer vaccination vats. Somebody down at the DNR had better check his arms for deer tracks.

If Lieberman Spoke on the Senate Floor and There is Nobody Around, Does Anybody Care?
“I’m the Lorax. I’m saving that one tree.” (Sen. Joe Lieberman, Closeted Republican Trapped in a Democrat’s Body - Conn., telling “The New Yorker” how he feels isolated in the Senate.)

Americans and Illegal Immigrants: Oil and Water Don’t Mix

Rep. Tancredo protects Colorado Borders from incoming illegal immigrants who are plotting to dilute and sap our precious patriotic fluids.

“Illegal immigration has diluted the country’s patriotism.,” said Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo. “We have a cult of multiculturalism. This is what permeates our society," he said. “Immigrants who come to the United States but refuse to assimilate by learning the language and following the laws water down what it means to be an American.” (Tancredo said during Council Bluffs visit last Saturday)

I knew it was those damn illegal immigrants who were trying to steal our precious bodily fluids. I heard if you have one drip of patriotism in you, you’re considered a Patriotic-American. I wonder if Tancredo will try building a Master Patriotic Race if he’s elected President of the United States?

I’m Your Huckleberry

"But I have, for instance, the week before, Huckleberry -" said Grassley (during a recent interview when asked about the presidential candidates; Gov. Mike Huckabee).

Karl Rove Endorses Human Trafficking

“I don’t want my 17-year old son to have to pick tomatoes or make beds in Las Vegas.” (Karl Rove explaining his rationale behind the president’s amnesty/open-borders proposal at a Republican women’s luncheon)