Friday, March 23, 2007

Vilsack Expected to Curse Hillary’s Campaign

After being the first to officially drop out of the ’08 presidential campaign, former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack is planning to put a political curse on Hillary’s campaign next Monday. The two notable figureheads of the Democratic Leadership Corporation will co-opt their wonder-DLC powers together in the form of one slightly more notable figurehead of the DLC. The DLC is expected to recognize the cursed occasion by expanding their merchandising and releasing a monolithic bobblehead doll that features both of their likenesses.

Cue sappy music: Reunited and it feels so good…

Hillary and Vilsack co-opt their wonder-DLC powers to curse "The American Dream."

Vilsack worked his Ozlike wizardry in 2004 when he supported John Kerry’s run to the middle, pulling levers behind the curtain -- only to see his plan foiled by a little girl from Kansas and her little dog too. Damn you, Toto! On the other slight of hand, Vilsack’s wife, Christie, openly endorsed John Kerry in the Iowa Democratic Primary, which helped him win Iowa but failed to win the big shabang. Cross your fingers Hillary and pray you don’t win Iowa; this may be the only way to lift the curse.

In the meantime Political Fallout Laboratories is working on an antidote that will reverse the Vilsack curse and plans on selling it to the Hillary Camp for an undisclosed amount of cash.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

“Hillary 1984”: Let ME Start a Conversation

Parkridge47 Phil, the creator of the “Hillary 1984” video came out of the YouTube, confessing he acted alone. Although his employment ties to Blue State Digital have cast some shadows of doubt among the anti-Obama minions, thus prolonging the political campaign season another six months. But despite the conspiracy theories that have abounded in the blogsphere, Phil insists he's the lone videographer:

“I've resigned from my employer Blue State Digital, an internet company that provides technology to several presidential campaigns, including Richardson's, Vilsack's, and -- full disclosure -- Obama's. The company had no idea that I'd created the ad, and neither did any of our clients.”



When I first saw the video clip a few weeks ago, I deduced that it was made by a Democrat who supported Obama and had a political beef with Hillary and her presidential bid. It was fairly clear that the video was meant to be satirical, especially since Phil chose to use an ad that alluded to “1984” -- one of the most profound pieces of satire created in the 20th century. So Phil made a political parody of an Apple ad alluding to “1984.” Oh dear, the “Garden of YouTube” will never be the same again.

Whether or not Phil’s video meets the satiric litmus test is questionable, but passable. Casting Hillary as “Big Brother” is a slight exaggeration, since she’s a woman; but my guess is that the target of the satiric attacks is what Hillary’s campaign embodies, the incarnation of the DLC (Democrat Leadership Corporation, or in the case of Phil’s video, Democrat Latchkey Clones). Phil supports this notion:

“The specific point of the ad was that Obama represents a new kind of politics, and that Senator Clinton's "conversation" is disingenuous. And the underlying point was that the old political machine no longer holds all the power.”

Now had Phil portrayed President Bush as “Big Brother” in the video, this would have been a more accurate allusion to the underlying motifs of “1984.” Without a doubt, the Bush Regime is Big Brother Incarnate, and casting Bush in the video would’ve been a far cry from hyperbole. Just after 9/11, I remember listening to the audio book of “1984” during my commute to work, often times vacillating between the British narrator and NPR news. Sometimes I couldn’t tell the difference between Bush’s words and those of the British narrator. It was and still is pretty eerie how Orwellian Bush sounds. Thank Orwell for “Old Speak” and the Brits pronunciation of “progress,” otherwise I would’ve thought I was Winston Smith, driving to my job at the Ministry of Truth. Nonetheless, Winston and I both shared the fact that we were ensnared in a perpetual war.

Realizing it won’t take much to convince you of George Bush’s Big Brother Incarnation and the dystopia spawned under his reign, here are some comparisons between Winston’s world and our world today:

1984 Ministry of Peace: revolves around the notion of a perpetual war, which feeds on the citizens of Oceania’s fears and the perpetual hate pumped into them by way of the homeland propaganda machine.

Bush’s Ministry of Peace (Homeland Security): revolves around the notion of the perpetual “War on Terror,” which preys upon American’s post 9/11 fears that we could be killed any second by a terrorist hell bent on taking our freedom. Suspension of civil liberties, habeas corpus and any other inconvenience that would impede our peace.

1984 Ministry of Love: enforce loyalty and love of Big Brother through fear, torture, and brainwashing.

Bush’s Ministry of Love: “Love thy Rove” or else…!

1984 Ministry of Truth: the well-oiled propaganda machine that relies on half-truths, doublespeak, and Newspeak to manipulate the public to help suit its ideological agenda.

Bush’s Ministry of Truth: Tony Snow Job's Lip Service, Inc. – pretty much everything that spills out of his mouth.

1984 Doublethink: 2 + 2 = 5 (= repetition of an illogical formula unit it’s believed to be fact, the truth having been sacrificed in the process).

Bush’s Doublethink: Saudi-born and bred terrorists + Iraq = War on Terrorism?
Actually, this cannot be directly attributed to Bush, for doublethink assumes the perpetrator is thinking in the first space, thus relinquishing Bush of any culpability on the matter.

1984 Ministry of Plenty: based on idea that a poor, overworked populace is easier to rule over than a wealthy, powerful populace.

Bush's Ministry of Plenty: Tax cuts for the wealthy, outsourcing jobs, protecting corporations, handing out no-bid contracts, and the list just keeps trickling down and down and down…

1984 Thought Crime/Police: arrest anyone suspected of thinking about the possibility of committing a crime.

Bush’s Thought Crime Brigade: Guantanamo Bay and other yet-to-be named Thought Crime outlet centers.

1984 Two Minutes of Hate/Hate Week: daily period in which Party members of the society must watch a film depicting the Party enemies and express their hatred for them and the principles of democracy. (Note: the “1984 Apple Computer” commercial takes place during this time period.) Hate week is an extension of this idea, only drawn out for an entire week.

Bush's One Minute of Hate/Hate Week: The “Around the World in a Minute” segment of the evening news helps fill this need. Thanks to Newspeak and the shrinking attention spans of Americans, the H.T. (Hate Time) was halved. Hate week is the days leading up to and following the commemoration and collective mourning of 9/11, which serves as a reminder of the Evil we face every day. Once in awhile when the Bush Party feels the hate factor is low (level green), they’ll release a pre-recorded Osama bin-Laden video tape to help lift our hate spirits.

1984 & Bush Party Slogans:

WAR IS PEACE!

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY!

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Ode to Rep. Tom Latham: GOP “Troop Killer”

Iowa Rep. Tom Latham, member of the House Appropriations Committee, exposed his moral hypocrisy by saying he supports our troops while he continues to vote in favor of sending unarmored, untrained, and unrested troops to Iraq. Latham’s moral hypocrisies have come under fire as of late, and he, among other GOP congressmen have been targeted and labeled “Troop Killers” by those who want to support our troops and bring them home in one piece.

Fellow "Troop Killers," George Bush and Tom Latham, share a laugh and a ride in a bullet-proof limo while carpooling to the "Troop Killing Machine" Headquarters in D.C.

The recent GOP Killin’ Machine’s moral hypocrisies helped inspire the following song, a parody of Body Count’s controversial song, “Cop Killer”:
GOP Troop Killer, by Ice-T.M.

TROOP KILLER! YEAH!

I got my blue blazer on.
I got my pinstripe tie on.
I got my gold cufflinks on.
This War’s been too long.
I got my black pin inked up.
I got my blinders turned on.
I’m ‘bout to bust some ink off.
I’m ‘bout to dust some Troops off.

I’m a TROOP KILLER, better you than me.
TROOP KILLER, f**k political hypocricy!
TROOP KILLER, I know you’re sleeping
With both eyes wide shut,
TROOP KILLER, while our unprotected soldiers
Sleep with both eyes wide open!

I got my brain on hype.
Tonight’ll be your night.
I got this long-assed knife,
and your budget looks right.
My adrenaline’s pumpin’.
I got my hypocrisy thumpin’.
I’m ‘bout to kill me somethin’
A disabled vet stopped me for nuthin’!

I’m a TROOP KILLER, better you than me.
TROOP KILLER, f**k political hypocricy!
TROOP KILLER, I know your momma’s grieving,
TROOP KILLER, but tonight our troops ain’t sleeping.

DIE, DIE, DIE GRUNT, DIE!

F**K THE TROOPS!
F**K THE TROOPS!
F**K THE TROOPS!
Yeah!

F**K THE SUITS!
F**K THE SUITS!
F**K THE SUITS!
Break it down.

F**K THE SUITS, yeah!
F**K THE SUITS, for staying the course.
F**K THE SUITS, for showin’ no remorse.
F**K THE SUITS, for 3,258 dead soldiers.
F**K THE SUITS, for killing our freedom.
F**K THE SUITS, don’t be a coward.
F**K THE SUITS, have some muthaf**kin’ courage.
F**K THE SUITS, sing along:

SUIT KILLER!
SUIT KILLER!
SUIT KILLER!

TROOP KILLER, better you than me.
TROOP KILLER, f**k political hypocricy!
TROOP KILLER, I know you’re sleeping soundly in D.C.
TROOP KILLER, but tonight our troops ain’t sleeping,
thanks to your mutherf**kin’ moral hypocrisy.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

John McCain Wins ‘Fallout’s Third “Duh” Award

On the heels of Sen. John McCain’s resurrection of the “Straight Talk Express,” the former political maverick found himself, yet again, apologizing for his straight talkin’ ways. Now John, everybody knows that running for president means never having to say you’re sorry. Just ask the guy who beat you last time. Although, given the number of apologies that have already been dropped, this presidential campaign is shaping up to be one of the sorriest campaigns in political history. I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have said “sorriest.” This is a sorry affront to the current administration. I should have used the word apologetic.

McCain’s two-headed monster, Dr. Maverick & Mr. Hyde, came rolling through Iowa this past weekend aboard the Straight Talking Panderin’ Mobile. While pandering to 500 Black Hawk County Republicans, Dr. Maverick paid homage to one of his GOP competitors, Mitt Romney, by dropping a “tar baby” bomb on his audience. Probably not the best context for Mr. Hyde to rear his sorry-ass head, considering Black Hawk County has one of the highest percentages of African-Americans in the state of Iowa.

So without further adieu, we would like to present to you the third winner of the Political Fallout “Duh” Award:

Winner: John McCain (alias Dr. Maverick & Mr. Hyde, The Straight Talkin’ Apologist)

“Duh, what were you thinking?”: For using “tar baby” to describe the invalidation of divorces: “For me to stand here before all these people and say I’m going to declare divorces invalid because someone feels they weren’t treated fairly in court, we are getting into a tar baby of enormous proportions,” McCain said. The roots of “tar baby” date back to McCain’s formative years in the 19th century, alluding to an African-American folktale that refers to a doll made of tar that traps Br’er Rabbit. Originally “tar baby” had been a way to describe a sticky situation or mess, but, like the word “fag” (British term for tedious or tiresome chore; cigarette) the term has taken on a more derogatory meaning -- in this case when used to describe an African American. The negative connotations of “tar baby” stemmed from the media’s exaggerated depictions and racist caricatures of African-Americans in print, film, and television. (see pic on right)

*Political Fallout has established the “Duh” Award, which will honor people, politicians, groups, political factions, or any other entity whose actions merit a “Duh, what were you thinking?” response from any member of the blogsphere community. Another factor that will be considered during the “Duh” Award vetting process is how the candidate responded to the controversy, especially if the nominee acts genuinely surprised. “Duh, what were you thinking?” has been adopted and trademarked by Political Fallout as one of its official catch phrases. Anyone who uses this phrase, without thoroughly compensating Political Fallout, will be served papers from the Political Fallout legal team, suing them for “unfair use." (“Duh, what were you thinking?”)

Monday, March 19, 2007

Chris Rock Predicts Obama Victory on SNL

During the opening segment of “Saturday Night Live” this past weekend, Chris Rock shared his insights and predictions on the segment, “Road to the Whitehouse.” At the end of the clip, Rock silences all of the Obama cynics, naysayers and political pundits who, for some implicit reason or another, feel compelled to ask, “Is America ready for a black man?”

Sunday, March 18, 2007

U.S. Post Office to Join Rebel Alliance Against Bush Empire


Postal Wars: A New Hope: On a street corner far, far away, the U.S. Postal Service will plant R2D2 robot mailboxes, thus joining the Rebel Alliance against the Evil Bush Empire. Thirty years after the lovable droid helped thwart the Evil Empire’s efforts by assisting Luke in the destruction of the Death Star, R2D2 has returned with the hope of conquering the present Empire.

Political Fallout contacted the Empire’s second in command, Darth Cheney, who dismissed the latest Rebel Alliance effort as just another political ploy that merely emboldens the terrorists. Cheney also issued a warning” “The Empire will not stand by and allow terrorism to spread its messages of evil. We have no qualms or reservations about killing the messenger, regardless of how cute and lovable it may be perceived by Rebel Alliance sympathizers.”