John McCain Wins ‘Fallout’s Third “Duh” Award

On the heels of Sen. John McCain’s resurrection of the “Straight Talk Express,” the former political maverick found himself, yet again, apologizing for his straight talkin’ ways. Now John, everybody knows that running for president means never having to say you’re sorry. Just ask the guy who beat you last time. Although, given the number of apologies that have already been dropped, this presidential campaign is shaping up to be one of the sorriest campaigns in political history. I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have said “sorriest.” This is a sorry affront to the current administration. I should have used the word apologetic.

McCain’s two-headed monster, Dr. Maverick & Mr. Hyde, came rolling through Iowa this past weekend aboard the Straight Talking Panderin’ Mobile. While pandering to 500 Black Hawk County Republicans, Dr. Maverick paid homage to one of his GOP competitors, Mitt Romney, by dropping a “tar baby” bomb on his audience. Probably not the best context for Mr. Hyde to rear his sorry-ass head, considering Black Hawk County has one of the highest percentages of African-Americans in the state of Iowa.

So without further adieu, we would like to present to you the third winner of the Political Fallout “Duh” Award:

Winner: John McCain (alias Dr. Maverick & Mr. Hyde, The Straight Talkin’ Apologist)

“Duh, what were you thinking?”: For using “tar baby” to describe the invalidation of divorces: “For me to stand here before all these people and say I’m going to declare divorces invalid because someone feels they weren’t treated fairly in court, we are getting into a tar baby of enormous proportions,” McCain said. The roots of “tar baby” date back to McCain’s formative years in the 19th century, alluding to an African-American folktale that refers to a doll made of tar that traps Br’er Rabbit. Originally “tar baby” had been a way to describe a sticky situation or mess, but, like the word “fag” (British term for tedious or tiresome chore; cigarette) the term has taken on a more derogatory meaning -- in this case when used to describe an African American. The negative connotations of “tar baby” stemmed from the media’s exaggerated depictions and racist caricatures of African-Americans in print, film, and television. (see pic on right)

*Political Fallout has established the “Duh” Award, which will honor people, politicians, groups, political factions, or any other entity whose actions merit a “Duh, what were you thinking?” response from any member of the blogsphere community. Another factor that will be considered during the “Duh” Award vetting process is how the candidate responded to the controversy, especially if the nominee acts genuinely surprised. “Duh, what were you thinking?” has been adopted and trademarked by Political Fallout as one of its official catch phrases. Anyone who uses this phrase, without thoroughly compensating Political Fallout, will be served papers from the Political Fallout legal team, suing them for “unfair use." (“Duh, what were you thinking?”)

Mitt Romney Wins ‘Fallout’s Second “Duh” Award

To help illustrate the great economic divide and the “Two Americas,” John Edwards announced his candidacy in Katrina’s wake, New Orleans. To help emphasize Lincoln’s abilities of bringing together a divided nation, Barack Obama announced his candidacy in Lincoln’s birthplace, Springfield, Illinois. To help illustrate America’s innovation abilities, Mitt Romney announced his candidacy at anti-Semite’s Henry Ford’s Museum in Dearborn, Michigan. (Note: Ford's newspaper, "The Dearborn Independent" didn't just espouse anti-Semitic attitudes but spread the wealth, capturing the anti-immigration, anti-labor, and anti-liquor sentiments of his time.) “Duh. What were you thinking?”*

Without further adieu, we would like to present to you the second winner of the Political Fallout “Duh” Award:

Winner: Mitt Romney

“Duh, what were you thinking?”: For officially announcing presidential candidacy at the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan. The move was criticized by the National Jewish Democratic Council, who “noted that Ford was an outspoken anti-Semite who was ‘bestowed with the Grand Service Cross of the Supreme Order of the American Eagle.” (see right)

According to the council’s executive director, Ira Forman, “Romney has been traveling the country talking about inclusiveness and understanding of people from all walks of life. Yet he chooses to kick (off) his presidential campaign on the former estate of a well-known and outspoken anti-Semite and xenophobe."

Despite the council’s pre-emptive attack on Romney’s decision to make his announcement at the Ford Museum, the campaign stuck to its Lugars and made the announcement at the museum anyway. "Governor Romney believes our country needs to put innovation at the forefront if we are to ensure a stronger, safer and more prosperous America," said Romney’s spokesman, Eric Fehrnstrom. "The Ford Museum embodies that bold, innovative spirit."

The Romney Campaign had also considered other places known for emboldening the innovative spirit:

1. Atop the Hollywood Sign in Los Angeles, California...



...but Romney put the kibash on this idea when he heard Stephen Spiellberg and Barbara Streisand were supporting his Democrat contenders.





2. The Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota...




...but Romney had a change of heart when he just recently heard about the massacre at Wounded Knee.








3. Springfield...




...but Romney changed his mind when he heard Obama was making his announcement in Springfield.




*Political Fallout has established the “Duh” Award, which will honor people, politicians, groups, political factions, or any other entity whose actions merit a “Duh, what were you thinking?” response from any member of the blogsphere community. Another factor that will be considered during the “Duh” Award vetting process is how the candidate responded to the controversy, especially if the nominee acts genuinely surprised. “Duh, what were you thinking?” has been adopted and trademarked by Political Fallout as one of its official catch phrases. Anyone who uses this phrase, without thoroughly compensating Political Fallout, will be served papers from the Political Fallout legal team, suing them for “unfair use." (“Duh, what were you thinking?”)

Edwards Wins ‘Fallout’s First “Duh” Award

In the perpetual “War on Bloggers” it looks like the Edwards’ Campaign had its first political casualties: Amanda Marcotte (formerly of Pandagon) and Melissa McEwan (Shakespeare’s Sister). A virtual vigil for the fallen bloggers has been scheduled for 5 'o'clock, blogsphere time.

In honor of their brave blogspheric sacrifices, Political Fallout has established the “Duh” Award, which will honor people, politicians, groups, political factions, or any other entity whose actions merit a “Duh, what were you thinking?”* response from any member of the blogsphere community. Another factor that will be considered during the “Duh” Award vetting process is how the candidate responded to the controversy, especially if the nominee acts genuinely surprised. For example, when MTV producers acted surprised when they had Andrew Dice Clay appear on their awards’ show and the Diceman used vulgarity as a part of his comedic bit. “Duh, what were you thinking?” Or when organizers invited Stephen Colbert to present at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner and were surprised when Colbert actually roasted the President. “Duh, what were you thinking?”

Without further adieu, we would like to present to you the first winner of the Political Fallout “Duh” Award:

Winner: The John Edwards’ Campaign

“Duh, what were you thinking?”: For hiring two straight-talking bloggers known for speaking their minds and using “colorful” language to skewer their subjects, and for being surprised when straight-talking Catholic Leaguer, Bill Donohue, spoke His mind and accused the bloggers of using “colorful,” anti-Catholic language -- skewering the bloggers by calling them “anti-Catholic vulgar trash-talking bigots.” (Ahh, I do love the smell of irony in the morning…)

Nonetheless, had the Edwards’ Campaign carefully vetted their netroot hired hands more carefully, Edwards wouldn’t be in such a “pickle.” (see Runner-Up) I can only imagine the help- wanted ad the Edwards’ Campaign will run to find replacements for the fallen, assuming he drops the hatchet:

WANTED: Clean Professional Blogger and Vice Presidential Candidate

We’re looking for a clean individual who would be responsible for running the olive-branched netroots component of the presidential campaign. Any applicant who survives the recently updated vetting process will automatically be added to the Vice Presidential pool of potential running mates, should Edwards win the Democratic nomination. Qualified applicants must be articulate, clean, and presentable to the mainstream. Furthermore, applicants must have NO documented history of expressing biased opinions, use of sarcasm and/or tongue-in-cheek humor, or living alone for any extended period of time.

Runner-Up: The National Football League (Attn: Superbowl Half-Time Producers)

“Duh, what were you thinking?”: For hiring Prince to perform this year’s Superbowl halftime show and acting surprised that Prince would use sophomoric shadow puppetry to highlight his extended guitar phallic symbol. During a guitar solo in his “Purple Rain” performance, Prince stood behind a white bed sheet while a light captured the silhouette casted by his figure and extended guitar. The moment produced phallic connotations for some critics who argue Prince not only gave CBS a big “suck on this” but managed to escape unblemished. C’mon folks, do you really think Prince’s symbolic Freudian use of “Purple Rain” was actually rain that’s purple?

*“Duh, what were you thinking?” has been adopted and trademarked by Political Fallout as one of its official catch phrases. Anyone who uses this phrase, without thoroughly compensating Political Fallout, will be served papers from the Political Fallout legal team, suing them for “unfair use." (“Duh, what were you thinking?”)

Update: John Edwards released the following statement on his campaign site: “The tone and the sentiment of some of Amanda Marcotte's and Melissa McEwan's posts personally offended me. It's not how I talk to people, and it's not how I expect the people who work for me to talk to people. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that kind of intolerant language will not be permitted from anyone on my campaign, whether it's intended as satire, humor, or anything else. But I also believe in giving everyone a fair shake. I've talked to Amanda and Melissa; they have both assured me that it was never their intention to malign anyone's faith, and I take them at their word. We're beginning a great debate about the future of our country, and we can't let it be hijacked. It will take discipline, focus, and courage to build the America we believe in.”

Did Edwards just call Bill Donohue et. al. “hijackers”?

No satire? (sound of me tearing up completed blogger application for Edwards’ campaign)

Duh, what was I thinking?