Top Ten Surprising Items in the Economic Bailout Plan

Uncle Sam's New Improved Economic Bailout Plan: Just add more tax $$$ (drowning CEOs sold separately)

Looks like it’s politics-as-usual over at David Letterman’s Online Top Ten Contest Headquarters. The Paul Blart Mall Cop lobby has influenced this week’s winning entries once again by sleeping outside of its Hollywood caste and slummin’ with the independent film “Slumdog Millionaire.”

Paul Blart reared his head at the No. 3 spot in last week’s list, “Top Ten Things Overheard at the Academy Awards,” with “Just read my new script. It's called 'Slumdog Mall Cop.'" Moreover, the Online Top Ten Contest lists of the Late-Show past have seeped into one another as Joaquin Phoenix and Christina Bale made cameo appearances, proving once again that negative campaigning does work.

I took the Slumdog route and submitted “Who let the Slumdogs out? Woof! Woof!,” but to no avail.

I defy you Paul Blart!!!

Due to the recent demise of voter turnout among SSF readers, my quest to win the Holy “Online Late Show” t-shirt has devolved from an obsession to an exercise-in-futility. That said, here’s my top-ten list of possible entries to this week’s Top Ten contest. Once again, I’m soliciting your help – or not. I’ve written ten possible entries for this week’s list, and it’s up to you to help me select the CHOSEN ONE from the list (for I can only submit one) that you think has the best chance of winning.

This week’s list: Top Ten Surprising Items in the Economic Bailout Plan

10. Billboard-sized cardboard check from taxpayer’s checkbook with “Screwed Over Again” written in Memo

9. Finance Attorney’s General to prosecute the Invisible Hand

8. Advance to write next 9 sequels of the Economic Bailout Plan

7. All banking CEOs get to pass Go and collect $2 million, split Free Parking pot and will receive one get-out-of-jail-free card

6. Billion-dollar endowment to the Electoral College

5. Salaries for The Watchmen to oversee how bailout money is spent

4. In honor of Joaquin Phoenix, increased funding for Hollywood actor relocation program

3. Funding to reinstitute Wampum as national currency



Show me the wampum! Get your bling (see above) on..."

2. Six-figure writing fellowship awarded to former Illinois Gov. Blagojevich to pen his memoir

1. Money for people who ACTUALLY need it

Don’t forget to indicate (in the Comments) which ONE of these I should submit to the Top Ten Contest.

Originally Posted on dominant sister site Say Something Funny

Rachel Maddow Parody Makes Debut on SNL

To officially cement yourself in the world of political punditry, you have to become a caricature on Saturday Night Live. With Rachel Maddow’s debut on last night’s episode of SNL, it looks like MSNBC has run the table with Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann and the latest prime-time pundit of 24 hour cable news.

The Rachel Maddow Show: Roland Burris and former Illinois Gov. Blago

How Much for that Vacant Illinois Senate Seat in the Window?

Foiled by the FBI, my big chance to break into politics the old-fashioned way – buy a seat outright as opposed to the current one-lobbyist-at-a-time method – swiftly came to an end with the arrest of Democratic Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich – who attempted "to sell the U.S. Senate seat" that President-elect Barack Obama recently vacated.

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich caught on camera upon emerging from underground Chicago garage after "shooting the breeze" with "Deepthroat II".

Looks like politics-as-usual in Chi-town, eh?

I was waiting to bid on Obama’s abandoned seat on eBay. Maybe, to help appease potential bidders, the Feds will put the wiretap taps of Blagojevich dropping an f-bomb on the president-elect?