Iowa House Amends Unconstitutional Flag Law, Making It Less Unconstitutional

Are you ready to rummmmmmmmmmble…!? It looks like a Battle Royal between the Iowa House and the Iowa Courts is shaping up, pitting activist judges who legislate from the bench against activist legislators who judge from their desks. What we have here is an epic battle of tit-for-tat. In one corner we have the judicial branch, which is trying to protect the sacredness of the constitution from those who wish to desecrate it with unconstitutional amendments. In the other corner we have the legislative branch, which is trying to protect the sacredness of the American Flag from those who wish to desecrate it. Believe me you, flag desecration is happening all over the place in Iowa, especially in the GOP rank and file. Not to mention, not a day goes by when I don't drive by either a public flag burning or an upside down flag visible from the roadside.

Upon analyzing the tale-of-the-tape, the Iowa House has the advantage when it comes to fan support and merchandising. Because the Iowa Constitution is a little more abstract, people have a harder time getting riled up and frothing at the the mouth over the desecration of a piece of paper, whereas a defiling of the American Flag is more visible. The Iowa Courts need to take a more proactive approach and rethink their merchandising strategy. They could start by selling large banners adorned with a copy of the Iowa Constitution (right), thus providing potential constitution burners something visible to torch in a public square as part of a counterprotest. Once these defamatory acts begin lighting up the media spotlight, the merchandising possibilities are infinite. Imagine bits and pieces of the Iowa Constitution visibly displayed on computer screen savers, beer coasters, campaign buttons, bumper stickers, bathing suits, and underwear. (Although I’m not sure how much of the Iowa Constitution will actually fit on a thong, I guess there’s only one way to find out, eh?)

The Iowa House may have the advantage when it comes to political jabbing, but the Iowa Courts packs a mean knock-out-punch. The Iowa House can knowingly pass a bill that doesn’t merit constitutional muster, while the Iowa Courts wait for somebody to violate the new law, then proceed to challenge the law's enforcement, pushing it through the court system until it finally gets knocked out in Iowa's Supreme Court:

"I'm not going to kid you, this thing is going to go right back into court after we fix it, and it's going to be challenged again, and we may be back here again and again and again," said Rep. Jeff Kaufmann, a Republican from Wilton.

Question: So then why would legislators continue to waste time and taxpayers’ money making unconstitutional laws?

Answer: To bankrupt the ACLU, that’s why.

Ding! Ding! Let the fight begin again and again and again and again…

Iowa GOP Flag Desecrators Inflamed by Ruling

Thanks to a recent Iowa Supreme Court ruling, Iowa’s Minority Party finally found a retread wedge issue they can rally around: Flag Desecration. On Wednesday, U.S. District Judge Pratt of Des Moines, ruled Iowa’s flag laws are unconstitutional because they’re too vague to enforce.

Oh yeah Mister Fancy Pants Stickler for the Rules, Activist Judging from the Bench? Iowa’s GOP unconstitutional lawmakers will see about that. Too vague you say? Humpf! On that note, House Republicans have vowed to fix that: "We are simply advocating that we should not leave the Capitol without fixing this," said Rep. Jeff Kaufmann, a Republican from Wilton. "I don't think you can let this simmer."

There seems to be a fine line between flag desecration and free speech. Let’s toggle between the two and see what happens.

The first law at issue is IOWA CODE SECTION 718A.1, which details what people cannot do with and to the flag, including using it in advertisements and on clothing.

(WARNING: the following images may violate your sensibilities and/or provoke you to commit a crime (e.g. flag burning). Political Fallout cannot be held responsible for any crimes committed by its readers, in particular those directly linked to the reading of this post and/or viewing the following pictures. You’re advised to peruse at your own risk.)

Rounding up the Usual Suspects: Iowa's GOP Flag Desecrators...

EXHIBIT A: Jim Nussle

Former Iowa Gubernatorial candidate and staunch congressional flag protectionist Jim Nussle sports a desecrated flag shirt while pimping votes on a parade route in Iowa. The shirt was hand-stitched by a 12-year old girl in an Indonesian factory, a job Nussle helped outsource while serving as chair on the House Budget Committee.

EXHIBIT B: Johnson County GOP's Desecration Headquarters

Upon infilitration of the Peoples' Republic of Johnson County, the JC GOP held a desecrated flag ribbon-cutting ceremony to honor the opening of their new desecration headquarters. The occasion was symbolized by the dualing desecrating elephant logos hanging overhead the entrance way.

EXHIBIT C: Iowa Delegation at the RNC

The Iowa Delegation at the RNC wears desecrated flag napkin hats while reciting the Pledge of Allegience.

EXHIBIT D: Rep. Christopher Rants's Underpants

This flag desecration needs no explanation. (Note: Due to additional displays and charges of indecency, a model was used to display the questionable evidence.)

The second law under contention is IOWA CODE SECTION 723.4, which forbids any display of the flag that shows "disrespect" for it as a symbol of the United States, or which may "provoke" someone to commit a crime.

Off the record: All of the images displayed above not only inspired me to write this post, but provoked me to commit the heinous crime of desecration, which by law, may be deemed a simple misdemeanor, should authorities actually decide to prosecute. I would encourage you to BURN THIS POST IMMEDIATELY!!! But be extremely careful, for lighting matches in the blogsphere can be highly inflammatory.