Sarah Palin 2012: Let the Rapture Begin (SNL video included)

Like big fat bullies, Rush Limbaugh (dare I repeat myself?) and genital warts, some irritants never seem to go away regardless of how hard you try to ignore them or how much you douse them in vats of white vinegar. I’ve tried employing the former techniques when it comes to Sarah Palin, hoping she would disappear from the political landscape, forever, but to no avail.

Although this may hold true for Alaskans, the rest of the country has been under siege with the release of her new book “Going Rogue: An American Life,” which by the way, happens to coincide with the release of teaser pictures of her grandchild’s biological father Levi Johnston’s debut in “Playgirl” magazine (both events categorized as official precursors to Armageddon by the Doomsday Society for a Better America). Now it’s only a matter of time before Big Johnston jokes start popping up all over the Internet, but fortunately Political Fallout has risen above these types of sophomoric dick jokes, so we’ll pass on any cheap digs here.

Ironically, as some members (no pun intended) of the teabaggin’ element on the right are licking their parched lips with the prospect of Palin making another run for American’s highest throne (not including the one soon to-be-vacated by Oprah ), their counterparts on the left are licking their chops with equal delight at this prospect as well, thinking a Palin run will guarantee four more years of President Obama.

But what if Palin wins in 2012?

Should that be the case, let the Rapture begin, since that’s when my 5,125-year-long Mayan Long Count desk calendar runs out of pages anyway, which can only mean one of two things: the end of the world or the deluxe edition of the Mayan Long Count desk calendar hitting stores everywhere just in time for the holidays – assuming the War on Christmas hasn’t already wiped these dates from our secular calendars.

In the meantime, “Saturday Night Live” has used its prophetic powers this weekend to give us an apocalyptic glimpse into the future:

Sarah Palin 2012: The Trailer



On that note, I leave you with the following piece of advice, free of charge: be careful what you wish for.

Spring Forward: Daylight Savings Next Casualty in Economic Downturn

The Clock Also Rises...

In states that still participate in Daylight Savings, which may soon be nationalized by the federal government if Americans continue to lose confidence in daylight and are reluctant to spend their time, everyone bemoans the loss of an hour – namely because they could have used the hour to reset all the clocks in the house.

But seriously, what would they have done any differently had they had that extra hour this weekend? I’m sure if we conducted a family-feudal survey, the survey’s number one answer would be: sleep. Of course this assumes that those surveyed do not have children or milk cows, whose biological clocks resist man-made cosmic alterations in the Timexian universe. By the time these biological clocks are completely recalibrated, it will be time to “Fall Back.”

In Iowa the designated witching-hour to either spring forward or fall back centers the 2 a.m. bar-closing time, thus clearing up any confusion among alcohol peddlers as to when they should stop nursing the drunks passed out at the bar. The delayed time-switch also provides the lonely beer-goggle populace an extra hour to lose even more focus as they zero in on their intended target, preferably the one in the middle – even though they’ve only locked in on one target.

Local Iowa City drunk attempts to pull back clock's big

hand to extend "last-call" in bars

So why do we still have Daylight Savings, which allows Mother Nature’s invisible hand to unhinge our time-structured world without any government oversight and/or transparency? Better yet, what are some of the advantages and disadvantages of Daylight Savings and the age-old prospect of Springing Forward?

ADVANTAGES:

Less time for our Do-Nothing Congress to do less of nothing

More daylight in the evening to watch your new Plasma television

Provides excuse to take off for lunch an hour earlier or justify extending your afternoon cat nap: “Really, it’s an hour later, so…”

Get your newspaper an hour earlier, so your metabolism can get a jump start digesting all of the depressing news

Milk cows, whose teats aren’t prematurely pulled, are less likely to conspire with the pigs and the horses in overthrowing the Animal Farm and/or the government

DISADVANGAGES:

More time for the GOP-arm of our Do-Nothing Congress to obstruct Congress from doing less of nothing

If you die before ‘Fall Back,” you’ll be robbed of an hour of precious life, assuming every hour of your life is not already preciousssssssssss…

More daylight in the evening to shed even more light on the melancholic faces of those folks who have lost their jobs, homes, dignity, or thought injecting botulism into their foreheads ten years ago seemed like a good idea at the time

More time for Rush Limbaugh’s shadow to eclipse the sun, especially after he has succeeded in fully consuming the GOP

Insomniac’s more likely to join Fight Club, but we’ll never really know, because the first rule of Fight Club is never talking about Fight Club (looks like my membership has just been revoked; now what Tyler?)

Originally posted on Say Something Funny

GOP Political Satire Gone Bad: ‘Barack the Magic Negro’

The first sign of satire gone bad, and a catalogued precursor to the Apocalypse for that matter, is when your attempt at satire debuts on Rush Limbaugh’s radio show.

Please, please, please, dear reader, do NOT forward this post to Rush Limbaugh; I have a family to feed and unlike Rush, they cannot survive on barbiturates alone.

Worse, Tennessee Republican Chip Saltsman, who also managed Mike Huckabee’s failed presidential bid, resurrected the racist ditty in question, “Barack the Magic Negro” and sent the song among others recorded on a CD to the Republican National Committee to help get his foot in the door for the RNC chairman gig.

Smooth move Chip.

"Dammit, Jim! I'm not a racist; I'm a proliferator of bad satire."

The song, played to the tune of Peter, Paul and Mary’s “Puff the Magic Dragon” was first played on Limbaugh’s show in 2007. The feeble attempt at satire targets a Los Angeles Times column about white guilt and is sung through Al Sharpton’s parodied point of view.

Chorus:

Barack the Magic Negro
Lives in D.C.
The LA Times they call him that
Because he is not authentic like me

To get a full sense of the racism veiled in satire, feel free to listen to the clip below:

“Barack the Magic Negro” (played live on Rush the Magic Pill-Poppin’ & Ego Strokin’ One-Man Radio Show)




In response to the RNC’s distancing of Saltsman’s Christmas gesture, Chip defended the song: "I think most people recognize political satire when they see it," Saltsman told CNN. "I think RNC members understand that."

Apparently not, Chip. But what they do recognize, unlike Rush and his minions, is bad satire.

Speaking of bad satire/parody, let’s use Mr. Saltsman to help illustrate this, using the chorus to the same tune of “Puff the Magic Dragon.”

“Chip the Magic Hayseed”

Chorus:

Chip the Magic Hayseed
Lives under a rock in Tennessee
Where he frolics with the likes of Huckabee
And distributes racist song parodies…