Political Network (2007): Democracy, Inc.

In the 1976 film and corporate cautionary tale “Network,” Arthur Jensen’s character prophesied the growing influence of corporate America during his speech to Howard Beale:

“It is the international system of currency which determines the vitality of life on this planet. THAT is the natural order of things today. THAT is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today. There is no America; there is no democracy. There is only IBM, and ITT, and AT&T, and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today.”

Arthur Jensen's Corporate Vision (from "Network (1976)")



Jensen’s prophecy extends itself to the Political Network, which has succeeded in creating the illusion of Democracy in America, wherein our government is supposedly ruled by and for the people. But the system is continuously undermined by the shadows hiding behind closed doors, underneath tables and in the dark corners of alleyways. Hiding behind loosely veiled campaign finance laws, these shadows have managed to hijack Democracy, while pandering to the corporate interests of the Political Network, Inc.

In America’s Political Network, citizens over the age of 18 are given a single share in Democracy, Inc., assuming they register to vote and exercise this right on Election Day. But after all these shares are counted and the winners are declared, the cogs of the Political Network’s underbelly kick into gear as politicians begin crafting legislation. Meanwhile, lobbyists, serving as symbolic monetary reminders, step out of the shadows and persuade politicians to legislate and vote on behalf of their investors.

As political campaigns heat up, individual shareholders denounce the vast amounts of money poured into election coffers, but nothing major changes as campaign war chests grow exponentially in proportion to the rising numbers of public denunciations.

Champions for campaign finance reform speak out against this and how it’s eroding voters' faith in politicians, politicians and Democracy itself. Often their efforts, like Howard Beale's in "Network," are thwarted by the omnipotent powers that be. By shedding light on some of the political practices lurking in the shadows, individual shareholders can reclaim a stake in the political process and usurp Democracy from the corporate financiers.

Read original post @ "Iowa Independent"

Jesus H. Clinton Parts Red and Blue Sea

Last night, during a forum on faith and politics, Hillary Just Hillary came down from the political polls and performed an act of divine intervention by parting the Red and Blue Sea. Hillary Just Hillary’s audience, primarily comprised of religious leaders, was shocked and awed by Her polarizing move. In the wake of the ceremonial parting, members of the newly formed Red and Blue seas, in honor of Jim Wallis’s “God’s Politics,” were respectively labeled the “Why We Get It Wrong Lil’ Red Guppies,” and “Why We Just Don’t Get It ‘Lil Blue Minnows.”

Hillary Just Hillary first introduced her trademarked Jesus-like pose a few months back when she descended upon Iowans while campaigning at a Mega-Townhall meeting in Des Moines (see below), where she attempted to convert Democrat activists into DLC (Democratic Leadership Corporation) believers.

After Hillary Just Hillary left the auditorium last night, it was reported that the ‘Lil Red Guppies and Blue Minnows” were arguing over which fish group would be the next prototype for the Hillary Just Hillary Fish bumper insignia.

Read more about the forum at "Iowa Independent": Faith and Politics: Presidential Candidates Tackle the Tough Questions in CNN Forum

McCain Highlights Expertise on RPGs & Bongs

McCain’s Straight Talkin’ Pandering bus pulled off the campaign trail today to give Sen. McCain a chance to stretch his legs and exercise his chops. Regarding the latter, he returned fire on his senate colleague, Sen. Barack Obama, who earlier defended his vote against the Pentagon Welfare* Blank Check bill.

*Pentagon Welfare is the government’s use of tax-payers money to subsidize the Military Industrial Complex.

Always the opportunist, McCain ceased the moment to showcase his expertise on RPGs and Bongs:

“Obama wouldn’t know the difference between an RPG and a bong.”

"Got bong? Oh, I got your bong, Obama. Cue it maestro: 'Bong, bong, bong...bong, bong Iran...'"

McCain’s statement implies that he’s knowledgeable about both, so let’s check out the translation and definition in our trusty “McCain-English Only Dictionary”:

Bong: also known as a water pipe, is a smoking device used to inhale dope. Often times dope is distorted by politicians and the media, but when inhaled through a bong, the water serves as a purifier and filters out most of the carcinogenic lies while leaving behind the straight dope.

A high school student group, "Bong Hits 4 Jesus," greets McCain's Straight Talkin' Pandering Bus as it navigates its way through town. The newly-formed 527 group is an advocacy group for keeping Jesus' words purified and out of the hands of politicians -- who pollute and manipulate the Savior's words with carcinogenic lies in order to get elected.

RPG (Roleplaying Game): is the type in which the participants assume the roles of fictional characters and collaboratively create or follow stories. Participants determine their course of actions of their respective characters based on their characterization. Within the rules, players and/or the designated Master can improvise freely, changing the rules as they go as their choices shape the direction and outcome of the games. A role-playing game rarely has winners or losers.A typical role-playing game unifies its participants into a single team, known as a "party", that plays as a group. These episodic games are often played in weekly sessions over a period of months or even years.

RPG Example: The War in Iraq. Detainment Camp Master George Bush and his Merry Pranksters (alias: The Republicans) hop aboard the Straight Talkin’ Pandering Bus and embark on global adventures in their fight against Evil. Using fabricated intelligence, DCM Bush leads his band of hawks down an RPG strand with no exit strategy. Along the way, when the Detainment Camp Master is not changing the rules to the game, he’s tripping up the players with misinformation, prefabricated lies and half truths, and false intelligence. Because the “War on Terror” has no objective-base outcomes or endgame, the RPG is never ending, meaning there are never any winners or losers.

McCain’s right about one thing, if ever there was an expert on RPGs, it would definitely be him.

Sen. Harkin: Just Say “No” to Ogres

Move over Joe Camel, there’s a new scapegoat in town. In the name of “Corporate Responsibility,” grab your torches and join Senator Tom Harkin as he heads to Duloc to take down the poster boy of obesity: Shrek.

Shrek responds to Sen. Harkin's allegations by blowing smoke out of his ears

Once revered as a hero by Sen. Harkin for his tireless efforts against eminent domain and Lord Farquand’s attempt to usurp his swampland, Shrek’s fame has quickly fallen with his recent prostitution to the fat cats of the sugar industry. Big Sugar Daddy lobbyists aren’t going to back down to Sen. Harkin’s threats of stepping in and imposing government regulation of the Big Sugar Industry:

"If these industries continue on their present course, government has a responsibility to act," said Harkin. "We are not going to stand idly by in the face of a worsening epidemic of childhood obesity and diabetes."

Another one of Harkin’s 98% fat-free beefs with Shrek is his influence on children and omnipresent role-model powers. Kids are extremely impressionable and when they see a heroic, green ogre such as Shrek, they cannot help but want to be like Shrek:

"Kids love Shrek, so if Shrek says, 'Eat Cheetos,' then kids want to eat Cheetos," he said. "Why isn't Shrek advertising fresh fruits, vegetables, healthy choices?"

Better yet, why isn’t Dream Works adhering to the underlying principles of “truth in advertising” by having Shrek advertise the consumption of children, a more realistic ogre delicacy? Ironically, eating children, who, odds are they’re obese, would only serve to help prove Sen. Harkin’s point that children aren’t eating enough low-fat foods.

Due to the absence of wireless connections in Duloc, Shrek could not be reached for comment. However, Political Fallout did manage to contact Shrek’s spokesman and free-lance poster boy for the Democrat Party, Donkey. On behalf of his client, Donkey released the following statement:

Donkey: My client, the honorable Shrek, clearly has been scapegoated and discriminated by Senator Harkin and his recent crusade against the Big Sugar Industry. Not only is Mr. Harkin exploiting Shrek to perpetuate his own agenda, but in doing so, Sen. Harkin’s Ogrephobia reveals his prejudices – and not just those against Shrek, but those against all members of the global Ogre community. Shrek is not the one advertising products deemed “unhealthy” by Senator Harkin. Take Spiderman for example. He’s crept up on everything from sugar-coated cereals to 10% real fruit roll ups. But do you see anybody going after Spiderman with the same delusional zeal as Shrek? Shrek has clearly been singled out by Senator Harkin, which is not surprising, when considering the history of discrimination and methodic persecution against ogres and their ilk.

A spokesogre for the OCLU (Ogre Civil Liberties Union) agreed with Donkey’s charge of Ogrephobia, citing inconsistencies in the allegations lobbied against Shrek: “Nobody’s pointing fingers at Cap’n Crunch, a well-respected and high-ranking member of the military, for his promoting high-fat products.

Should Sen. Harkin and his Villagers succeed in their war against Shrek and Big Sugar, plans for battling other oxymoronic causes such as “Political Ethics” are already stewing in the back woods of D.C.

Fallout’s Mock the Hillary Theme Song Vote

In an attempt to tune in with voters, Hillary Just Hillary has launched a campaign theme song election, and she’s imploring YOU, “Time” magazine’s 2006 Man of the Year, to rock (and a little bit country) the vote. Sounds totally Hillacious, eh? You know, like, music totally transcends political boundaries and corporate ties and stuff, you know. Like, check out the Hillary Just Hillster in her latest YouTube cameo:

“Video Killed the Political Star,” by Hillary Just Hillary



To help sustain the illusion of a bottom-up Democracy, Political Fallout has decided to participate in the campaign. After intensive internal and external polling, extensive test-marketing research, and conducting blind study groups (led by James Baker), we’ve announced the top 10 songs recommended to help spearhead “Political Fallout’s 2007 Mock the Vote” efforts.

Top 10 Write-In Candidates:

“The Grand Illusion” -- Styx

“I’m Just a Bill” – Jack Sheldon (Schoolhouse Rocks)

“Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls” -- TLC (not to be confused with the DLC – Democrat leadership Corporation)

“Dream On” -- Aerosmith

“Little Willy” -- The Sweet

“Special Secret Song Inside” -- Red Hot Chili Peppers

“God Save the Queen” – Sex Pistols

The Iraq War Trilogy

Part I: “Masters of War,” by Bob Dylan

Part II: “Highway to Hell,” AC/DC

Part III: “I Can’t Explain” – The Who

And the winner of Political Fallout’s 1st unofficial 2007 “Mock the Vote” campaign:

“Little Willy” – The Sweet ('cuz Little Willy, Willy won't go home...)



Help support Political Fallout’s “Mock the Vote” write-in candidacy for Hillary Just Hillary’s campaign theme song and SUBMIT your vote now: click here to vote.
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More Fallout...

Wonkette is running a write-in campaign as well (Wonkette).

Check out John Deeth's take, "Hillary's Playlist: What, no Rage Against The Machine?" (Iowa Independent)

Tommy Thompson Makes Excuses for Condoning Bigotry

At a state GOP convention in Wisconsin, presidential candidate Tommy Thompson provided the audience and reporters with excuses as to why he said he supported an employer's right to fire a gay worker in private business. He told the audience that a dead hearing aid and an urgent need to run to the bathroom made him do it. Thompson later told reporters that he’d been battling the flu and bronchitis and this also added to his mistaken answer.

Tommy Thomspon’s response at GOP Debate at the Ronald Reagan Library



I didn’t quite see the familiar signs of one whose hearing aid is on the fritz and/or has to make a run to the bathroom. The whole post-debate-excuse affair is reminiscent of a note a school teacher may have received from an enabling parent, excusing her child for making inappropriate comments:

Dear Voters,

Please excuse Tommy for the inappropriate remarks he made the other night condoning bigotry in the workplace. His hearing aid was malfunctioning and we haven’t and a chance to get it fixed. I've just been so busy with the presidential run and all. Tommy’s very sensitive about his hearing aid, so I hope you’ll understand why he didn’t say anything earlier or ask for Mr. Matthews to repeat the question. I can’t tell you how awful I feel about this. Furthermore, poor Tommy’s had been battling the flu and bronchitis the days prior to the GOP presidential debate, and he really didn’t want to miss it -- so I decided to let him participate.

Unfortunately, between his hearing aid, the flu, and bout of bronchitis, Tommy misunderstood a question asked by Mr. Matthews and gave an answer he really doesn’t agree with. Believe me, I know Tommy better than anybody and he would never discriminate against the gays. In fact, he has gay friends who are hard-working employees in the private sector.

Just between you and me, the flu and bronchitis have had an adverse impact on Tommy’s bladder and bowels, whcih made it hard for him to concentrate during the debate. Tommy would die if he knew I was telling you this, so I hope you’ll keep it just between us. I’m not trying to make excuses for Tommy’s remarks; I just thought you would want to know. Thanks for listening and reserving judgment on Tommy. He’s had such a rough time lately.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Parent

When weighing the question asked, Tommy’s response, and what he thought was asked, it’s hard to reconcile these discrepancies and Tommy Thompson’s plea to voters to take a “leap of faith.” And given Tommy has proclaimed himself the Reliable Conservative, I’m willing to bet my “King James Bible” that his targeted base is not ready to make that big a leap.

Not to mention, Tommy’s excuses only serve to undermine his credibility regarding all of his other responses during the debate.

So when the moderator, Chris Mathews, called for a show of hands for those who own a gun or don’t believe in Evolution, did Tommy raise his hand indicating he’s really a gun-toting Creationist?

Or was Tommy really raising his hand to ask permission to go to the bathroom?
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Cross-posted @ "Iowa Independent"

“Pimp Tax” Man Grassley Defends His Turf ‘Gainst Obama

The home front for the “War on Words” has shifted from D.C. to Iowa, where Sen. “Pimp Taxin’” Grassley is attempting to defend his home turf against Sen. Obama in the latest exchange of words over their stances on the Iraq War spending bills in Congress.

Senior Senatorial Player Grassley to Junior Senator Obama: “You want some of this? You wanna play in my house, you gotta play da rules, non-Senatorial Obama. Otherwise, you’re gonna pay da price. Just ask the Pimp Tax Man, man.”

Sen. Grassley has had the home turf advantage in Iowa for the past 32 years, while Sen. Obama has benefited from the media surge fueled by his presidential candidacy. Sen. Grassley is trying to fight the “War on Words” from D.C. with one arm tied behind his back.

News Capsules from the War Front:

May 6th: During a campaign stop in Waterloo, Sen. Obama said the Senate needs only 16 votes in the Senate to override President Bush’s veto. He called upon Iowans to help evoke change: "If everyone here makes the decision that they are going to bring about change in this country, change is going to come."

To help instigate the “War on Words,” the “Des Moines Register” proceeded to stir up the hornet’s nest:

Obama did not name names, but he was likely referring to U.S. Sen. Charles Grassley, an Iowa Republican. Iowa's other U.S. senator, Tom Harkin, a Democrat, voted with the majority of members of his party.

And for those of us who are familiar with the early beginnings of the Cold War (you know, the other Metaphoric War), nothing fires up a cauldron of fear and paranoia than implying a good ol’ fashioned naming names allusion.

May 9th: Sen. Grassley responded to Sen. Obama’s comments during a conference call with Iowa reporters:

"Let's say pretty much that it's not senatorial and if you can't be senatorial, how can you be presidential?" "Generally, when you're from another state, you don't take pokes at another senator," said Grassley. "I would find that very difficult to go and do in Illinois, and tell his constituents to get on him about something."Grassley added: "You know what really makes it less presidential is, I'm not running for president. I'm not one of his opponents."

May 10th: Sen. Obama stood his ground in Indainola, reiterating his previous position, and responded to the recent heat from Sen. Grassley:

"I believe that all of us have to take responsibility to make sure that we change hearts and minds.When I become president I will bring this war to a close, but I don't want to wait another year and a half to do it."

May 11th: Sen. Grassley’s Press Secretary, Beth Levine, delivered the latest attack in the “War on Words” by releasing the following statement in response to Sen. Obama’s comments in Indianola:

“Sen. Obama’s comments yesterday renew the questions about his readiness. Overriding President Bush’s veto of a timetable for withdrawing troops from Iraq would have to take place first in the House of Representatives because that's the chamber of Congress from which the legislation originated. It's been demonstrated that the votes aren’t there to override that veto, despite the fact that the House is controlled by Speaker Pelosi and the Democratic Party. So, there isn’t an opportunity for a veto override in the Senate in this case and, as a result, there’s no way that Sen. Grassley holds a key vote. Sen. Obama might want to sign up for American Government 101 to learn about the veto process. Or, he could learn the job he has in the U.S. Senate before thinking he ought to be President.”

Or maybe Sen. Obama should sign up for Sen. Grassley’s “American Politics 101” and learn how to play the game of politics from a seasoned insider.

American Politics 101: Rules for engagement during an attack in a “War on Words”

Rule 1: Monitor threats and attacks during incubation period.

When you’ve been attacked or feel threatened, whether directly or indirectly, it’s essential to subject perceived threats to an incubation period, where they can been monitored for damage control. If the threat backfires, ignores it. If the threat gains no traction, ignore it. (e.g. Sen. Grassley initial response to Sen. Obama’s comments is that he likely willl "brush it off and ignore it.")If the threat does gain traction, it’s imperative to move on to the next rule of engagement.

Rule 2: Remove threat from incubation by publicly responding to or denouncing attack.

This should happen regardless of whether or not the attacks are implicit, explicit, true, or even partially true. If not denounced in a timely manner, the public will perceive them to be true or that you’re hiding something.

(Warning: Do not overplay your hand at first. Voters may perceive this as being defensive, as if the original attack hit home for whatever reason.)

Rule 3: If the threat continues to gain traction, despite your initial retort, send out the attack dogs and rev up the Spin Machine.

If the attack or perceived attack continues to gain traction, unleash your attack dog, who will issue an attack on your behalf, butt cannot be directly linked to you. After all, this is the main reason why we’ve created Vice Presidents, Lt. Governors, campaign managers and press secretaries in politics.

Rule 4: Keep repeating rule #3 until the media loses interest and/or a fresh, unrelated scandal breaks out.

Given the majority of voters have the attention span of Boo Radley, this shouldn’t take too long, assuming the attack process isn’t conceived within three months of an election.

So the big question now is whether or not Sen. Obama is going to “stay the course” and play Sen Grassley’s game of “American Politics 101,” or is he going to “brush it off and ignore him”?

Either way, there’s little doubt the media will ignore it. This much we’ve all learned from the Cold War, eh Sen. McCarthy?

Check out my other version, "American Politics 101: Grassley's Staff Attacks Obama" @ (Iowa Independent)