Quagmire Stew: A Recipe for Disaster

Preemptive Ingredients:

2 bloodied handfuls of WMD seeds
2 Congressional chambers locked-and-loaded with free-range Chickenhawks
1 Military Industrial Complex armed with a blank check (and no balances)
1 slightly tattered Constitution

Ingredients*:

120,000 to 170,000 homegrown pounds of American flesh** (flak jackets not included)
2 million stockpiled missiles marinade in benzene-based napalm
1 demonic dash of despotism
Several vats of patriotic zeal
A liberal supply of recyclable right-wing propaganda
1 bottomless well of fear
A limited supply of hope

* Feel free to improvise ingredients to satisfy any shifts in political winds
**To feed larger blood-lust appetites, add more Faustian flesh as needed

Preparation:

Strategically place (but not too strategically, thus hinting any semblance of an exit strategy) a manufactured medium-sized pot on the front burner, making sure to fire heat up to hottest level of revenge, thus ensuring the backdrop Chickenhawks have ample time to rattle their limp-fisted sabers. Blindly throw in 30 to 50 thousand pounds of expendable flesh adorned in patriotic platitudes of freedom preserved in the American Way of Life. Once the pot-o’-flesh comes to full boil, drop in several marinade missiles from above, occasionally stirring in a pinch of patriotic zeal to flavor the furor. Stir liberally, occasionally tossing in a splash of fear-induced right-winged propaganda until the flesh has time to congeal. Move to back burner and let medium pot simmer until flesh is cooked through and thoroughly seasoned with rhetorical promises of hope.

After thoroughly stirring all up of the preemptive ingredients in a large two-dimensional fishbowl, pour mixture into a giant mixing bowl, shake well, and strategically (but again, not too strategically) dump into a giant melting pot on the front burner and turn heat up to Shock and Awe. That’s right: Shock and Awe. But don’t let the fireworks seduce you into forgetting about what’s cooking on the back burner.

Always keep an eye on the back burner.

Once the Shock and Awe has fully effervesced, be sure to keep feeding the pot with unseasoned homegrown flesh, adding several thousand pounds every six months or so, mixing in a demonic dash of despotism and bloodied-handfuls of fear as needed.

Stir conservatively for six years, making sure to keep a watchful eye on the back burner.

Pour in a liberal amount of hope into the giant melting pot and move to back burner until long forgotten. Take out and conspicuously dump spoiled ingredients into nearby VA hospital and pour remaining ingredients into medium pot on back burner.

Did you take your eye off the back burner?

Move medium pot back to front burner, add a liberal supply of right-wing propaganda and fresh flesh and turn heat down to: Simmer Indefinitely.

Serves, if ever fully cooked, nobody except special interests and those beholden to the Faustian pact made at the crossroads of Ground Zero and K-Street.

The White (House) Elephant Obama Would Like to Soon Forget

While the Health Care Reform debate ramped up during the past few weeks, with arm twisting on the left and Hyperbole bombs dropping on the right, the war in Iraq celebrated its 7th birthday -- a party that flew under the radars of all parties.

BraVenew Foundation's latest new video commiserating the 7th anniversary of the war in Iraq.

Iraq: Thousands Dead, $747.3 Billion Spent And Not Any Safer

Rebranding War: What is it Good For?

What’s in a name? That which we call a war
By any other name would smell of death, destruction --
And a democratic resurrection
Of burning flesh dipped in oil
Buried deep in foreign soil…

FADE IN:

Uncle Sam’s hot-shot marketing machine (sponsored by the Military Industrial Complex: Where one soldier’s misery is another man’s bottom-line prophecy…), armed with the monumental task of re-branding the war in Iraq. Which begs the question:

How does one sell repackaged rotten meat
To an electorate that’s fast asleep?

That is precisely what Obama’s marketing machine intends to find out when it re-brands the war in Iraq in September with “Operation New Dawn.” A little too close to the 1984 film “Red Dawn” for my taste. That film has already branded itself into the nostalgic catacombs of my memory. Not only can I not make this marketing leap of faith, but the thought of imagining a bunch of high school students, hopped up on Molotov hormonal cocktails, running around the hills flanking Baghdad and shouting “Wolverines!”will only serve to undermine the objectives of the current mission -- whatever the hell that is supposed to be.



"Red Dawn": The last line of defense standing between Capitalism and Communism (note the "Star Wars" product placement; George Lucas = merchandising genius)

By the way, the current US occupation in Iraq is known as Operation Iraqi Freedom, for those of you dear Civilians who did not know about the third re-branding since our troops were deployed to this oil-enriched wasteland. President Bush’s Marketing Team, deeply couched among the hidden branches of its Spin Machine, had initially branded the preemptive attack on Iraq “Occupation of Iraq,” which later evolved into “Second Gulf War” (a serious blunder, given the fact that everyone knows the sequel rarely lives up to the novelty of the first, not to mention the box-office profits tend to take a nose-dive). The D.C. Spinsters quickly realized their sinister marketing SNAFU and quickly plagiarized itself by pilfering its other major campaign in Afghanistan, “Operation Enduring Freedom” by replacing “Enduring” with “Iraqi.”

Read rest of post at Political Fallout's new Axis-of-Evil-Sister Site: Confessions of a Cold War Veteran

Lame-Duck Bush Ducks Not Once but Twice in Iraqi Shoe Attack

President Bush may be one of the biggest lame ducks in U.S. political history, but today he unveiled his uncanny ability to duck during a shoe attack by a disgruntled Iraqi reporter in the Iraqi prime minister’s office.

When it comes to ducking the issue Bush has been masterful, and such was the case during his final trip to Iraq.

Shoe and Awe: Fire Away



The president shrugged off the preemptive attack and said “I’m OK” after the incident in Baghdad today. “All I can report is it is a size 10,” Bush said afterwards.

On that note, I leave you with the words of Bush’s assailant: “This is the farewell kiss, you dog…”

Iraqi Government Placed on Double-Secret Probation

Upon release of the Initial Benchmark Assessment Report, President Bush, the self-proclaimed "Dean of Democracy," slammed the velvet hammer down on Prime Minister Maliki and his boys, placing them on “double-secret probation.” Although the Iraqi government received “satisfactory” grades on eight of the 18 benchmarks at midterm, Maliki and his minions received “unsatisfactory” marks on eight of the remaining benchmarks, thus prompting a raised eyebrow and “tsk, tsk” from Dean Bush.

"God I hate benchmarks."

The Iraqi government has until Sept. 15 to get its grades up, or else…

Or else Congress will have to step in and revoke their Democratic fraternal chapter.

So how did the Iraqi government respond to its double-secret probation status and the looming Sept. 15 non-deadline?

“Toooo-ga! Tooo-ga! Too-ga! To-ga! Toga! Toga! Toga!”

Toga party? Maybe not, but the Iraqi parliament has decided to take August off, which is completely understandable if you were to ask Dean Bush’s press secretary Tony Snow, who said sympathetically, “You know, it's 130 degrees in Baghdad in August.”

The Iraqi parliment gathers for final days of partying before taking August off

Snow was reminded during the press conference held in the air-conditioned White House press room that the U.S. troops will be fighting throughout August in the same 130-degree heat. Snow responded to this keen observation, “You know, that’s a good point.”

You know, that’s two “you knows” in a row for Tony Snow. Maybe it’s time to evaluate Snow’s public speaking benchmarks, you know.

No worries, Maliki and the boys of parliament will still have two weeks to cram in and show progress towards the eight unsatisfactory benchmarks.

That’s plenty of time to pass an oil-revenue-sharing law, enact and implement legislation on de-Ba’athification reform and ensure the equitable distribution of hydrocarbon resources to all of the Iraqi people, establish a provincial elections law and provincial council authorities, establish a date for provincial elections, enact and implement legislation establishing a strong militia disarmament program to ensure that such security forces are accountable only to the central government and loyal to the constitution of Iraq, provide Iraqi commanders with all authorities to execute this plan, ensure that Iraqi security forces are providing even-handed enforcement of the law, increase the number of Iraqi security forces units capable of operating independently, ensure that Iraq’s political authorities are not undermining or making false accusations against members of the ISF and prepare local elections to help reconcile the country’s Shiite, Sunni and Kurdish factions.

Remember, the Iraqi government only has to show progress on these benchmarks, not accomplish any of the objectives spelled out by the U.S. Congress. That’s objective -- O-B-J-E-C-T-I-V-E.

Speaking of objectives, had the Iraq government been held to the same accountability measures spelled out in the No Child Left Behind Act, the U.S. government would have already stepped in and taken over government operations, assuming of course this has not already happened. Under the provisions of NCLB, or in this case, “No Civilian Left Behind,” the U.S. government would provide each Iraqi citizen a $2,000 voucher to transfer to another country of their choice. Furthermore, the United States would stop pumping more money into Iraq’s government until it has successfully shown that it’s reached the benchmarks and/or completely closed the Democracy gap.

The same could be said about Dean Bush and holding his administration accountable in regard to its Iraq war policies. The only problem, however, is that enforcement of the No Civilian Left Behind Act in the United States would be unenforceable, because, thanks to all the money spent on the war in Iraq, it would be just another unfunded mandate.

So until Sept. 15, when Gen. David Petraeus delivers his progress report on the Iraqi government’s progress toward achieving the congressional benchmarks, Maliki and the boys should heed one word of advice during their summer vacation in August: TOGA!

Originally Posted on "Iowa Independent"

How Do You Spell Stubborn?

V-E-T-O

“Mission Accomplished – 4 Years Later”

Doc Fallout’s Spin Machine: Bush’s VETO Speech

Bush: “…members of the House and the Senate passed a bill that substitutes the opinions of politicians for the judgment of our military commanders”

Doc’s Spin: Military commanders = military commander (singular), meaning the Chief Executive Officer (who by the way happens to be an opinionated politician as well).

Bush: “It makes no sense to tell the enemy when you plan to start withdrawing.”

Doc’s Spin: Bush is right. This would be like telling the enemy when you plan on entering, thus providing them time to pack their bags and head to Iraq.

Bush: “All the terrorists would have to do is mark their calendars and gather their strength and begin plotting how to overthrow the government and take control of the country of Iraq.

Doc’s Spin: The terrorists already mark their calendars every day with their daily “To Do” list:

1. Gather strength
2. Plot overthrow of Iraq
3. Send thank you note to Bush for helping fuel their cause

Bush: “I believe setting a deadline for withdrawal would demoralize the Iraqi people, would encourage killers across the broader Middle East and send a signal that America will not keep its commitments. Setting a deadline for withdrawal is setting a date for failure, and that would be irresponsible”.

Doc’s Spin: Duh, this has already happened without setting a deadline for withdrawal.

Bush: “That means America's commanders in the middle of a combat zone would have to take fighting directions from politicians 6,000 miles away in Washington, D.C. This is a prescription for chaos and confusion, and we must not impose it on our troops.”

Doc’s Spin: For definition of “chaos & confusion,” see current policy of “Bush and Bush.”

Bush: “It's true that not everyone taking innocent life in Iraq wants to attack America here at home, but many do. Many also belong to the same terrorist network that attacked us on September the 11th, 2001 and wants to attack us here at home again. We saw the death and destruction al Qaeda inflicted on our people when they were permitted a safe haven in Afghanistan. For the security of the American people, we must not allow al Qaeda to establish a new safe haven in Iraq.”

Doc’s Spin: Like the 9/11 – al Qaeda connection, the Iraq War is getting old, and now Bush wants to set up a terrorist franchise in Iran.

Bush: “Without a war-funding bill, the armed forces will have to consider cutting back on buying new equipment or repairing existing equipment. Without a war-funding bill, we add to the uncertainty felt by our military families. Our troops and their families deserve better, and their elected leaders can do better.”

Doc’s Spin: Bush is right, our elected leaders can do better. How do you spell success in Iraq?

I-M-P-E-A-C-H-M-E-N-T

Doc Fallout is Political Fallout’s resident Spin Doctor and has been spinning the truth before spinning the truth was in vogue.

_________________________

More Fallout...

Iraq: Rural America's foreign war (Iowa Independent)

Gag Me with a Silver Spoon, Laura Bush

I nearly gagged on my recycled spork when I saw a clip of Laura Bush on a “Today Show” interview, when she claimed nobody suffered more about the Iraq War than she and George. I strongly recommend putting down any eating utensils (including your bloody hands, Dick) before watching this video.



OMG! Like, gag me with a silver spoon, Laura. Did you just say nobody suffers more than you? OMG! Are you for real?

Even as a US Army veteran of the Cold War, I have better sense than to equate any or all of my suffering to someone who's serving in the Iraq War, let alone their family members who've been left behind.

Jim Hightower served up one of my favorite lines about President Bush when he said, “George Bush was born on third base, and thought he’d hit a triple.” Using this as a litmus test, I try imagining who, in their Christian Right mind, would marry someone who is completely oblivious.

And this leads me to one of my favorite Obi-wan Kenobi lines (from Star Wars IV: A New Hope and motif-in-progress for the ’08 Presidential Election): “Who's the more foolish: The fool, or the fool who follows him?” But before I begin pigeonholing our First Stepford Lady, maybe I should see if her projected compassion merits any truth.

Let’s ask*:

Michelle Barish, whose brother is serving in Iraq



Rose Forrest, who is about to be redeployed



Lindzi Bittinger-Baird, whose husband is being redeployed after serving the last 2.5 years in the Inactive Reserves



We can only pray to God (and I'm not talking about the God-fearing God, who stumbled upon George W. when he was stuck in Right field) that Laura’s doesn’t signal her hubby to steal home (code/mixed metaphor for attacking Iran).

*All videos are courtesy of the VideoVets Project. To learn more about the "VideoVets: Bring Our Troops Home" project and/or vote which video should be made into a commercial by Vietnam Veteran, Oliver Stone, go to the videovets site at MoveOn.org.

Ruminations on Easter, Jesus, and Political Resurrection (Part II)

Jesus Under Attack (Part 2 of 3-part Trilogy)

While most Americans take time out on Easter Sunday to spend time with their families, attend church services, or participate in the pagan ritual of hunting for dyed eggs, Political Fallout would like to take time and pay tribute to the men and women of the armed forces, who have been sent over to Iraq as part of President Bush’s personal Crusade to spread Christianity in the guise of Democracy.

May Peace be with you, and may you return home swiftly and safely.

Speaking of home, President Bush returned home to his 1,600-acre sanctuary away from sin in Crawford Texas, where he has spent part or all of 409 days of his presidency. This is as many days as a typical tour of duty in Iraq, not including tour extensions and those serving their second, third, or fourth tour.

Shame, shame, King George. You may call yourself a born-again Christian of the evangelical sect, but I’m quite certain your Savior would not approve.

On the lighter side, Stan and Kyle finally learn the true story behind Easter and the Easter Bunny:




End Part II…

McCain Hides Behind Name, Skips Iraq Vote

"Ducking this issue calls for real leadership." (Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby,“The Simpsons”)

Leading GOP Hawk, Senator John McCain, decided to play hooky from his senatorial obligations today, taking refuge in the Hawkeye state. According to a Senate truancy report filed by Senate majority leader Harry Reid: “In lieu of joining his comrades in a Republican filibuster of the procedural vote to advance a nonbinding resolution criticizing Bush’s call for a troop escalation in Iraq, it appears Senator McCain had fled to the Heartland.”

After the Senators voted 56-34 to invoke cloture and proceed to a floor vote on the resolution, Senator McCain, the biggest supporter of Bush’s call for troop buildup, was nowhere to be found -- despite Reid’s repeated calls for the missing Senator McCain on the Senate floor: “Johnny, come out, come out wherever you are? Oh Johnny…”

Concerned for Senator McCain’s safety and welfare, Reid issued a “Political Amber Alert” for the missing senator, who was reportedly last seen hiding behind his name in D.C. – a political ploy that has become a namesake for the McCain Campaign.

Update: Iowa Senator "Grassley Chides McCain?"

Naughty, naughty, Johnny... What's it going to be, Mr. McCain: 20 lashes across the knuckles or 3 days out-of-state suspension?

Rep. King Exposes “Iraqnophobia,” Blames Pirates for War

During the U.S. House debate on the resolution disapproving the president’s proposed troop surge to Iraq, Iowa’s Political Master of Horror, Steve King, used his five-minute bit to expose laden signs of “Iraqnophobia,” blaming the War in Iraq on Barbary pirates.

Famed Barbary Pirate and founder of Fundamental Terrorism, Aruj Barbarossa, was last seen pillaging oil in the Caspian Sea and selling captured Christians to insurgent forces in Pakistan. Intelligence reports that he's extremely dangerous and not to be fooled by his pirate charm.

Iraqnophobia is a specific strand of Xenophobia (fear or dislike of foreigners) which denotes an abnormal and irrational fear of Iraq. The fear is based on the irrational notion that Iraq is the gateway to Armageddon and that an epic battle for Democracy must be waged until the very end, or the “war on terror” will spread worldwide, toppling Democracy and freedom everywhere in its path. Iraqnophobia is, in many cases, the result of a traumatizing encounter with a fundamentalist religion in one’s early childhood, when one is indoctrinated with a rigid adherence to a set of principles and intolerance of all other views. One view held in “evolutionary psychology” is that sufferers might gain some survival edge by avoiding the dangers of their phobia’s source, regardless of the actual. Iraq, for example, is relatively small in the global scheme and didn’t pose a major terrorist threat until the U.S. intervened, but an Iraqnophobe will do anything, sparing no effort to destroy the source of its phobia.

Based on this definition, it’s clear Steve King is suffering from Iranophobia. As a means of attempting to destroy the irrational fears precipitated by Iraqnophobia, King has made yet another desperate cry for help.

His latest plea came on the House floor when he attempted to make the case for the War on Iraq by trying to connect the dots all the way back to 1786 and the Barbary Pirates:

In 1786, two diplomats, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, went over there to meet with them, and their idea was, we will be able to talk them into peace.

Well, they talked to them all right, and the representative of the Barbary pirates, Mr. Sidi Haji Abdul Rahman Adja, responded to them, and this is in the Congressional Record from Thomas Jefferson’s report. He asked him, why do you fight us, why do you attack us, why do you kill us?

We have done nothing hostile towards you. His answer was, It is founded on the laws of our Prophet. It was written in the Koran. All nations who should not have acknowledged their authority were sinners, that it was their right and duty to make war upon them wherever they could be found and to make slaves of all they could not take as prisoners, and that every Muslim who should be slain in battle was sure to go to Paradise.

Aaaarrrggg, I knew it was those cursed Barbary Pirates who started the War in Iraq.

A group of good Christians abducted by Barbary pirates and sold into slavery pose for a Barbarian Pirate video. The captives were forced to display an emblem of their captors, recite passages from the Koran, renounce Christianity, and urge Congressional delegates to end the War in Iraq.

Congress Makes Unprecedented Move: Actually Debate Iraq War!?

Nearly forty months after Congress approved the Iraq War Resolution, they’re prepared to make a bold, unprecedented move on the congressional floor: Hold a nonbinding debate over the War in Iraq!?

If you remember, back in October of 2002 our Congress signed over their powers to President Bush, granting the Commander in Chief the almighty power to authorize military intervention in Iraq if Saddam Hussein refused to give up weapons of mass destruction. All of this was done with little debate or dissent, other than Senator Byrd’s attempt to filibuster against the resolution -- arguing the resolution amounted to a “blank check” for the White House. His attempt was cut off on a 75 to 25 vote. "This is the Tonkin Gulf resolution all over again," Byrd said. "Let us stop, look and listen. Let us not give this president or any president unchecked power. Remember the Constitution." (Wink, Wink*: The Senate voted overwhelmingly to repeal the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution on June 24th of 1970.)

And now Congress wants their powers back? Several congressional members and presidential candidates have drafted nonbinding resolutions in a posthumous attempt to chip away at the Commanding Chief’s powers.

Wonder-Congress Powers form into a “Politically Lethal Non-Binding Resolution…” (Poof, followed by cloud of smoke and mirrors)

Nonetheless, let the nonbinding debates begin, and let’s watch and see if the GOP pulls a Senator Byrd and attempts to filibuster the proposed non-binding resolutions. Maybe a nonbinding filibuster is in order, eh?

If this pans out for Congress, who knows what they’ll do next with their Wonder-Congress Powers: Hold a non-binding debate over the Patriot Act? The No Child Left Behind Act? The Civil Rights Act? The 14th Amendment? This year's final BCS standings? Or the authenticity of the Constitution’s ratification?

*Here’s your loophole folks: Bush also must certify that action against Iraq would not hinder efforts to pursue the al Qaeda terrorist network that attacked New York and Washington. Hmmmmm…

Update: Gee, looks like the Republicans pulled a Senator Byrd filibuster after all -- only the Republicans held their party line. Got cloture? Who ya gonna call? FILIBUSTERS!!!

Tommy Thompson Proposes Demo-Socialism in Iraq

Former Wisconsin Governor Tommy Thompson and GOP presidential contender paid a visit to the Peoples’ Republic of Johnson County on Sunday, stepping into the ring at Carver Hawkeye Arena. Hoping to get some “face time” in Iowa, Thompson was impressed that over 10,000 people showed up to see him: “I was truly amazed that so many people came out on a blustery Sabbath day just to hear what I had to offer.” (Note: Thompson’s handlers didn’t have the heart to tell him that most of the people were there to see the nationally televised game between the Hawkeyes and the Badgers of Wisconsin.)

Tommy Thompson thanks last year's Hayden Fry look-alike contest winner for coming out to support him.

After the game, Thompson went to the Wig & Pen Pizza Pub for “pizza” and more “face time” with all three registered Johnson County Republican voters. On Iraq, Thompson said, “A vote should be conducted to ask the Iraqi people whether they want the United States' presence in their country. The government should support a course that divides Iraq into separate nations or states, and then divide money from Iraq oil reserves between the government, separate states and individuals.”

So Tommy Boy wants to open up the vote to the Iraqi people as to whether we should stay or go? Sure sounds like Democracy, eh?

And he wants to divide Iraq into separate states and equally distribute all the cash flow from the oil reserves? Sure sounds like Socialism, eh?

I wonder if Tommy Boy would be willing to model this plan in the United States before outsourcing it to Iraq? First, we should conduct a vote, asking the American people whether we should stay or go in Iraq. Next, we could take all the money earmarked for the War in Iraq and divide it equally among the fifty states and individuals. This year alone, that would amount to roughly $3 billion dollars per state.

I think Tommy Boy is on to something here. Who knows, if this pans out, maybe we could give Democracy another chance to work in the United States.

Jim Hightower Video: "Bush's Backfire"

Political satirist and progressive rabble rouser, Jim Hightower, is trying his hand at the animated video business. He plans on releasing a video a week on his site, "The Hightower Download." Watch his debut video, "Bush's Backfire":

http://hightowerdownload.com/node/6

Bush’s First Trip to Library May Prove Disastrous

Last night, President Bush took a gamble by embarking on his first planned trip to the White House Library, where he unveiled his “new” plan for Iraq to the American people. Albeit, this was not the Gambler’s first run-in with the library. Last week, Bush inadvertently stumbled upon the library and surprised the White House librarian. The Gambler attempted to save face by assuming his only poker face and asked the librarian if there were any remaining copies of the Cliffs’ Notes version of “The Iraq Study Group Report.” (Note: no copies were available, but Bush did check out the original text, which still resides on his bedside table, sandwiched between “Curious George Throws Kerosene into the Fire” and the most current “Maxim” magazine).

In last night's televised address, President Bush managed to capture the very same Bush-in-the-library look he had when confronted by the White House Librarian last week.

For all the flak President Bush has received for not reading, after last night’s address to the nation critics may be slow to criticize Bush’s reading habits (or lack thereof). Choosing to make a bad problem worse will only burn Bush’s legacy into the history books forever. The Commander in Chief (not to be confused with the “pet” name Bush uses for the First Lady when the two are in the same bed together) has decided to gamble on the Iraq War, committing another 21,500 troops to the effort. Although President Bush did admit to making a few mistakes, he still hasn’t been held accountable for his failed policies in Iraq.

Maybe the American people should hold Bush to the same accountability standards the federal government holds for teachers and public schools under the No Child Left Behind Act. This way we would have a clearer sense of Bush’s plan, which should include the following; clearly stated objectives, how he intends to implement his plan, what specific materials he will need to execute the plan (including costs), and how the plan will be evaluated to help show that progress has been achieved (e.g. benchmarks that address each one of his objectives).

Using this set of criteria, Bush’s plan fails before it even begins, since Bush has yet to clearly state specific objectives and outcomes of the War in Iraq. Sorry George, Democracy and Freedom cannot be accurately measured for progress (see America). Although the President did indicate that he would make it clear to the Iraqis that if they didn’t get their act together in an unspecified time, the plan he put on the table would no longer be open to the Iraqis.

Now it’s time for Congress to hold the Bush Administration accountable, using the very same repercussions used in the NCLB Act:

Step 1: If the Bush Administration fails to show improved progress and proficiency in the spread of Democracy after one year, they will be put on a “Watch" list. Congress will approve more spending on the Iraq War policy with the intent that the Administration will have a year to meet specific proficiency standards.

Step 2: If, after the one-year “Watch” period, the Bush Administration still fails to meet proficiency levels, they’ll be put on a “Warning” list.

Step 3: If the Bush Administration still shows no progress regarding the War in Iraq over the two-year period, it will be stripped of all Federal Funds and Congress will step in and take over administrative duties. In addition, any taxpayer who’s dissatisfied with the Iraq War will receive a voucher to apply their proportionate taxes on a program of their choice, preferably one that is showing progress.

Under these guidelines, the Bush Administration already surpassed Step 3 two years ago, so it’s time for Congress to step in and take over and shut down the Bush Administration, letting the taxpayers decide where their taxes should be re-appropriated (e.g. universal health care).

Until the President is held fully accountable for his actions, Political Fallout strongly recommends that George W. Bush should be permanently banned from the White House Library (after he returns the library's copy of the Curious George book of course).

We, the American People, cannot afford yet another disaster.

Texas Hold 'Em: Last Call for Escalation

Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out...and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel. ..And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for "the universal brotherhood of man"--with his mouth.

-Mark Twain; What is Man?

In an attempt to “Bring the public back to the war,” the Decider plans to address the nation tonight and sell his “new” strategy to the American people. Bring back? I’m sorry, but did I miss something here? I don’t recall taking a hiatus or commercial break form the Iraq War. It must be nice to have that luxury, eh George?

Despite popular opinion/criticism from military experts, the legislative majority, and the majority of American voters; it appears that the Decider has already decided. Political prognosticators project the Decider will call for an additional 20,000 to 50,000 troops to help escalate the War in Iraq. Tragically, the Decider has metamorphosed into “The Gambler,” playing a political game of no-holds-barred “Texas Hold ‘Em.” What are the stakes? Human lives. And it appears the Gambler has no qualms with upping the ante, tapping into the House bank for more soldiers to fuel his hand. It must be nice to have that luxury, eh George?

You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em,

Know when to walk away and know when to run.

You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.

There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealins done.

-Kenny Rogers; “The Gambler”

Tonight as we watch the Gambler attempt to make his case to the American people, we’ll assume the role as spectator as we watch him gamble our soldiers’ lives away, sacrificing Democracy in the process. Until then, it’s imperative that we know where our representatives stand and contact them, letting them know where We the People stand:

Senator Chuck Grassley: “Holde ‘em, ‘All in’…
"I think what he needs to do ... is make it clear - not to the American people but the Iraqi people - that this is your last chance if you want America's help getting you to a peaceful society. You have got to pick up an increasing amount of the responsibility yourself."

...and call Iraqi People”

That would be an agreement by the Iraqi prime minister to spend $10 billion of Iraq's own money and commit more Iraqi force against all violence, or "it'd be a waste of time to send more military in there," the senator said. Grassley said the Iraqi political component should be seen as the centerpiece of any new initiative.

Senator Tom Harkin: “Fold ‘em and Walk Away”
"My position is clear: There is nothing to be gained by escalating our involvement in Iraq and putting more of our brave young men and women in the midst of a civil war. The deteriorating situation in Iraq cannot be solved through military action. It requires a political solution."

Rep. Tom Latham: “Hold ‘em”

Bush's plan is that military forces led by Iraqis and supported by Americans would go in and clear out insurgents in Baghdad and Anbar province, then remain and hold the areas until some unstated time in the future.Latham said he is "extremely frustrated" by the war, and worried about U.S. troops, though he doesn't want the United States to sustain what would be perceived as defeat.

Rep. Steve King: “Hold and raise the stakes”

Bush's plans are consistent with policies King has long advocated to win the war on terror in Iraq."Whatever their strategy is, with 150,000 in the country right now, another 20,000, if they think they need them, I would never say no to that."

Rep. Leonard Boswell: Undecided

"Iowans are starting to wonder, where's the end to this?"

Rep. Bruce Braley: “Hold ‘em and see where the House stands”

Declined to comment until after the president's nationally televised speech, but spokesman Jeff Giertz said Braley is "opposed to a troop surge."

Rep. Dave Loebsack: “Fold ‘em and walk away”

A plan for additional troops should be called an "escalation" rather than a "surge." "I think it goes in exactly the wrong direction of what we should be doing at this point - I believe we should begin to de-escalate.”

In the meantime, although it may be too late to sway the Decider (if that was ever possible), be sure to sign the following online petitions:

Vilsack’s Petition, “Communities Opposed to Escalating the War Resolution”: http://www.tomvilsack08.com/page/s/resolution

MoveOn’s petition: No Escalation in Iraq
http://pol.moveon.org/pac/noescalation/?referring_id=9680-6881659-.jNrUH.OPle11zQ.xDDWfw

'Fallout 2006 White Elephant Awards

“Political Fallout” proudly presents: The 2006 White Elephant Awards...

The Gifts that Keeps on Taking…

Traditionally, a white elephant is a valuable possession whose upkeep exceeds its usefulness, and it’s therefore a liability. The term derives from the sacred white elephants kept by Southeast Asian monarchs. Since then, a white elephant has taken on other connotations, especially in the U.S. where they’re rare – unless used to reference the GOP elephant after a lopsided defeat (e.g. 2006 midterm elections). Americans may also participate in a white-elephant gift exchange, wherein participants give away something they’ve had trouble giving away for whatever reason --usually because they received it as a gift from a close friend or relative, thus deeming the gift sacred-by-association (e.g. a sequined Christmas sweater from a great aunt, a porcelain Liberace statue from a grandmother, or a penis-shape toothbrush holder received from the maid of honor at a bachelorette party).

Without further adieu, here are the 2006 winners:

(Warning: Please remove shoes and socks before entering the “Money Pit” and swim at your OWN Risk!)

5. Iowa Values Fund: $50 million

This economic development gift became a hot item during the Democratic Primary race, when gubernatorial candidate Ed Fallon not only called into question the number of supposed jobs created, but some of the Fat Corporate Cats (e.g. Wells Fargo (left) who received some of the funds ($10 million in 2003). Granted, the Wells Fargo Arena did draw me into Des Moines to see the legendary rockers Bruce Springsteen and The Who, but my experiences at the concession stands (One Brat + One Beer = priceless) told me that Wells Fargo could’ve managed quite well without the Values Fund handout. (White Elephant set to expire in 2013)

After playing a scathing rendition of Pete Seeger's "Pay Me My Money Down," The Boss flips off the Wells Fargo corporate cronies stowed away in the luxury skyboxes.

4. Steve Alford: estimated upkeep = $1 million/year

Had Alford’s heavily favored team made it past the first round of the NCAA tournament last March, the Hawks could have passed this White Elephant off to some other sucker looking for a Bobby Knight clone to help revitalize their program. So what does outgoing athletic director, Bob Bowlsby, give Alford for blowing it? Answer: A one-year extension on his contract, which included a 16.7% bump in his annual base salary to $500,000. Add this to his endorsement deals, camps, apparel contracts and income from his radio show (he actually gets paid for this?), Alford’s annual salary is estimated at $925,000. In addition, Alford gets a longevity bonus of $300,000 each year he stays in his position. So what does Bowlsby’s replacement, Gary Barta, do to reward Alford? He extends his contract one more year, meaning we’re stuck with Alford until at least 2011. Not bad for the third best team in the state of Iowa this year (assuming the Hawks could beat the top ranked high school teams).

3. Outlawed Touch Play Machines: $40,200,000 (est. 6700 banished machines x $6000 = $40,200,000)

You can touch, but you cannot play. Iowans and politicians got very touchy about TouchPlay machines this year (even more so than the onslaught of bad puns on blogs). Both houses passed and Vilsack signed legislation in 2002 that opened the doors to TouchPlay machines, and businesses, who made good-faith agreements with the Iowa Lottery, invested in the machines at about $6000 a pop. Cha Ching! Within a year, TouchPlay machines began popping up all over Iowa, turning convenient stores into Super Convenience stores where patrons could buy food, cigarettes, alcohol, and also gamble at one stop. How convenient indeed. And now that the machines have been banished, lawsuits filed by businesses have been popping up in their absence. Although, no business has yet to win a suit, the state has to keep its lawyers’ coiffeurs full so they can defend the blitzkrieg of litigation. Who knows how much this will cost Iowa’s taxpayer in the future.

2. Iowa Rainforest (Earthpark):$180 million (-$50 million federal earmark)

Like the proverbial yuletide fruitcake, Grassley’s pet-earmark project keeps getting passed around, this years’ exchange being between Coralville and Pella – the latest proposed site of the Dutch Amazon Rain Forest. Move over Tulips, this town ain't big enough for the both of us. The initial costs of Earthpark are estimated at $180 million. While Senator Grassley has procured $50 million of the start-up costs, the burden to run this operation will inevitably fall upon the taxpayers, assuming the venture runs in the red. If the project ever goes through, it will probably go under within five years, before being outsourced to South America, where the day-to-day operations will be much cheaper.

1. The Occupation in Iraq Costs (Iowa): $2,693,615,000

Yepsen Suffers from Post-Traumatic Columnist Stress Disorder

Much Adieu About Yepsen: Notes from the Political Waste Land

Having finally succumbed to the day-to-day pressures of writing a political column for the “Des Moines Register,” David Yepsen has taken his first step out of the delusional closet by admitting he suffers from “Post-Traumatic Columnist Stress Disorder.” What pushed him over the edge, you ask? Answer: the War in Iraq. More specifically, it was a combination of the Iraq War and Yepsen trying to enjoy himself on Christmas without having to think about the former, but for those of you avid readers of Yepsen’s column, who needs specifics, eh?

Post-Traumatic Columnist Stress Disorder (PTCSD) is a term for certain psychological consequences of vicarious exposure to, or confrontation with, stressful experiences that a columnist contemplates and/or writes about. The experience does not necessarily involve actually writing about the stressful experiences -- for part of the writing is the brainstorming process -- therefore deep contemplation, Internet surfing, and/or skimming the AP wire about a particular subject may lead to a manifestation of PTCSD.

Symptoms of PTCSD can include the following: incessant ramblings with no clear focus, a detached point-of-view, memory loss, occasional breakdowns and/or lapses in logic, irritability, illusions of grandeur, agoraphobia (wherein columnist is afraid to leave office to research primary sources), inability to decipher fact from fiction, and starting a political blog.

Retrospectively, Yepsen first realized he was suffering from PTCSD when he saw his experiences with the Iraq War as if he were actually in the war, more specifically a prisoner of war being subjected to a contemporary version of an ancient Chinese water torture:

It's like a water torture. The daily drip, drip, drip of it is numbing. For a while, I thought it was just me. After all, I am in the news business, especially the political end of it, and the biggest issue facing the country is what to do about this conflict. So, naturally, I'm surrounded by the debates and discussions all day in the course of my work.

David’s realization was exacerbated when he abandoned Jesus Christ on his Savior’s celebrated day of birth:

I try not to let it get to me. I go through the motions of Christmas, hoping the rituals of the holidays will jump-start the spirit. No luck. My Christmas battery is dead.

Clouded by a state of denial, these initial signs went unnoticed by Yepsen, who in turn projected a barrage of mental “tsk tsks” on unsuspecting Sleepwalkers:

It's not a humbug deal. There's just no "Merry" in front of the word. Instead, I find myself getting irritated with people who act like nothing is out of the ordinary this holiday season.

Next, a state of paralysis ensued, triggering a series of coping mechanisms:

Until you talk to them and discover that, oh, yes, they're aware of the war, are sick of it, but don't know what to do. So they've moved on. Frustrated and at a loss, they look for escapes or distractions. If they are able to find refuge in a shopping trip or a school play, good for them.

Fortunately for David, he has his column to help cope with his paralysis. Good for him. But what about the children?

None of us wants to let the grim news of war cloud a holiday for the children. We take refuge in our own memories of Christmases past and work hard to make good memories for the little ones today.

It’s clear David’s PTCSD has slipped into remission as denial rears its ugly head while he brainstorms for his next column:

They are with a bunch of lonely soldiers far away. They must ache for their loved ones and worry if today will be their day to be dribbled into the grinder of this conflict. I also think of their families at home. How ever do they cope? To hear GIs and families tell it, the folks back home sometimes have more anxiety than the troops in the field. The soldiers at the front are on edge, but they've got their comrades, their brains and pride in what they do to comfort them. (Even when the armor plates are too thin.)

David’s mental wanderings exacerbate a state of seeming paralysis:

Their people back in the States are in the dark, sweating it out, worried sick that the empty spot at the holiday table may become permanent. For a couple of thousand families, it already has. I can do nothing for either, except say my prayers, donate a few bucks to a unit family fund or say a kind word.

Or use your column to analyze and critique politicians and their policies responsible for triggering the PTCSD? Maybe then, the “Merry” will return to Yepsen next Christmas, so he can enjoy the holidays without having to worry about soldiers dying on Jesus’ birthday…

Drip…drip…drip...