Reservoir Dems Plot Political Job at Harkin Panderfest

Six perfect strangers teamed up for the perfect political crime at the annual Tom Harkin Panderfest in Indianola: Steal back the White House and restore the U.S. Constitution.

From left to right: Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Nice Guy, Mr. Brown, and Mr. White

Not Pictured: Mr. Orange and Ms. Pink (she's on another job)

For full coverage of the political job pulled by the Reservoir Dems., go to the "Iowa Independent"-- the official news outlet for this year's Harkin Panderfest.

Nussle Officially Takes Financial Helm of Bush’s Sinking Ship

Generally speaking, padding your resume with the title of director of the White House Office of Management and Budget would be considered a vertical move for political climbers. Jumping aboard President Bush’s S.S. Lame Duck, however, may have dire political consequences for former Iowa Rep. Jim Nussle, who was officially sworn in as Bush’s budget chief Monday. While a number of those in Bush’s cabinet have bailed ship, Nussle has agreed to sign on to Bush’s crew.

As his administration attempts to navigate the shark-infested waters of bloodthirsty Democrats before next year’s fiscal budget begins, Bush has chosen to “stay the course” and steer the S.S. Lame Duck, full throttle, toward the iceberg, Iraq. Meanwhile, the Democrat-controlled Senate has approved only one of the 12 House-passed appropriation bills to fund the new fiscal year starting Oct. 1.

President Bush offers to hold Nussle's sports jacket as he prepares to walk obligatory plank on S.S. Lame Duck

Now, armed with the threat of Bush’s newly discovered weapon of choice, VETO, Nussle will have to negotiate the budget with top congressional Democrats. Bush has already threatened to veto some budgetary items bound to plunge his approval ratings even deeper into the abyss of forgotten presidents. Bush’s current approval ratings are hovering around 30 percent, but these should plummet as GOP leaders, one by one, continue abandoning the president, who has chained himself to the budgetary elephant in the room, the war in Iraq.

Using his Office of Management and Budget (OMB) to do his dirty business, Bush has already indirectly threatened to veto a Veterans Affairs funding bill that would give the Department of Veterans Affairs as much as $3.8 billion more than the Bush administration proposed in its budget.

“If Congress increases VA funding above the president’s request and does not offset this increase with spending reductions in other bills, the president will veto any of the other bills that exceed his request until Congress demonstrates a path to reach the president’s top line of $933 billion,” the OMB said in a July statement.

Rep. Chet Edwards, D-Texas, chairman of the House veterans affairs appropriations subcommittee, responded, “This bill is about respect and honors the promises made to our veterans with historic increases in funding to provide them the health care and benefits they earned when they put on our nation’s uniform.”

If shortchanging our veterans isn’t bad enough, Bush has also threatened to veto legislation that would renew the popular State Children’s Health Insurance Program, which provides health coverage to poor children. The Senate has proposed a $35 billion boost over the next five years for the program, but Bush’s budget calls for only $5 billion, contending he doesn’t want to further expand the government’s role in health insurance at the expense of private insurance.

Even Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, who strongly supported Nussle during his confirmation hearings, implored the president to rescind his veto threat in a joint statement with Sen. Orrin G. Hatch, R-Utah, warning the president that the Democrats might seek an expansion of $50 billion or more if there is no compromise.

"Tax legislation to expand health insurance coverage is badly needed, but there's no Democratic support for it in the SCHIP debate," said Grassley, the ranking Republican on the finance panel. "In the meantime, our SCHIP initiative in the Finance Committee takes care of a program that's about to expire in a way that's more responsible than current law and $15 billion less than the budget resolution calls for."

Grassley’s words fell on the president’s deaf ears, while the Ahab-inspired Bush fixates on the ubiquitous “War on Terror,” and his “stay the course” mentality in Iraq. Threatening to underfund wounded veterans and sick children makes one wonder: Who’s next? Senior citizens.

Enter Bush’s new messenger, OMB Director Nussle, whose job is deliver the Bush monetary mantra to Congress. Nussle has the unenviable task of trying to persuade Congress why they should scale back on domestic funding, while simultaneously convincing them why they should fund the money pit in Iraq. As he indicated in his swearing-in ceremony, Nussle has no plans of changing the president’s fiscal course and appears content with playing Bush’s rubber-stamp man.

"I believe government spending should be restrained and it should be transparent so taxpayers can see what results they are getting for their money," Nussle said, adding that he looks forward to advancing Bush's "pro-growth, low-tax policies that have strengthened our economy."

After soundly losing his 2006 gubernatorial bid in Iowa against Democrat rival Chet Culver (52 – 43 percent), Nussle’s political career appeared washed up. Nussle had abandoned his First-District seat in Iowa, which was usurped by Democrat Rep. Bruce Braley. During his political interim, Nussle took refuge as a consultant in Cedar Rapids, where he landed a consultant gig with Giuliani’s Iowa campaign.

Then along came Bush, who’s no stranger to appointing good 'ol boys who have been loyal to him. Not to mention, Bush has a soft spot for appointing those whose political careers have taken a nose dive. Take former Attorney General John Ashcroft, for example, whose career also appeared to be washed up when he lost his 2000 senatorial re-election bid in Missouri to a dead candidate, Mel Carnahan, who died in a tragic plane crash two weeks prior to the election.

And now Bush’s prodigal son, Nussle, has returned to the political nest in D.C. While other Bush appointees are jumping ship, citing a need to spend more time with family, or as was the case with former White House spokesman Tony Snow, to procure a job that makes more money.

Bush and Nussle swap deficit-spending jokes while sharing a limo ride on the tax payers' dime

Unfortunately, as Nussle sets sail with the S.S. Lame Duck, not only does he risk permanently drowning his own political career, but if he helps perpetuate Bush’s current fiscal policies, it’s the American people, who will ultimately suffer the consequences as we continue sinking our tax dollars into the monetary quagmire in Iraq. Although I imagine the Bush crew has mapped out its exit strategy for when the ship goes down, procuring enough life preservers for the wealthy folks on the upper deck, while the rest of us remain trapped in the lower decks as we fight for our lives, only to keep drowning in Bush’s sea of misguided fiscal policies.

Good luck, Mr. Nussle. P.S. Don’t forget to pack your PFD (personal floatation device) when leaving for D.C.

Originally posted on "Iowa Independent"

Gay Marriage in Iowa and the Pending Apocalypse

(Disclaimer: In no way, shape or listless form is this column intended to threaten the sanctity of marriage. No legal unions between men and women dissolved during the writing process. Nonetheless, some readers should proceed with caution if their faith in the sanctity of marriage is threatened by external forces such as the gay marriages of others, Village People songs at wedding receptions or literal translations of satiric parables. Keep in mind that the definition of satire is between satirists and their readers and should in no way be misconstrued by those who decry its very existence yet don't bother to read it. Such behavior will only serve to threaten the sanctity of satire, which in turn may lead to the end of the world as we know it.)

Upon hearing news of Polk County Judge Robert Hanson’s ruling smiting Iowa’s prohibition on same-sex marriage, I grabbed my well-thumbed copy of James Dobson’s “Marriage Under Fire,” hopped in my Sin City getaway car, and fled Des Moines before God had a chance to destroy the capital city with fire and brimstone. I had to reach moral high ground before it was too late. While crossing the county line, I was tempted to look back and steal one final glimpse of the capital city aflame.

But when I looked in the rear-view mirror, I felt disappointed. A firestorm had not consumed my place of birth; I had not turned into a pillar of salt. My wavering doubts in the sanctity of marriage slowly gave way to doubts about the moral prophets of doom, who have predicted that gay marriage not only will destroy the sanctity of marriage and the moral fiber of our society but also will serve as a precursor to the apocalypse.

Upon hearing Judge Hanson's ruling on same-sex marriage, the Lone Rider of the Apocalypse armed himself with throwing knives in order to protect his heterosexual marriage, which ended abruptly in divorce in 2002.

In his “Marriage Under Fire” manifesto, Dobson argues that same-sex marriage will bring about the end of the world: “The culture war will be over, and the world may soon become ‘as it was in the days of Noah.’” Dobson, chairman of the board of “Focus on the Family,” reiterated that theme in October 2004 when he asserted that allowing same-sex couples to wed would not only “destroy marriage. It will destroy the earth.”

One week later…

Des Moines is still standing, 21 gay couples are still married (although their licenses are now pending), and not a single heterosexual couple has reportedly filed for divorce on the grounds that gay marriage has ruined their union. Meanwhile, the moral meteorologists have lifted the fire and brimstone warnings, for now, since the window of opportunity for gay couples to marry in Polk County quickly slammed shut last Friday -- when Hanson agreed to suspend his day-old ruling.

The institution of marriage has managed to survive despite countless divorces and annulments, but those on the far right want us to believe that gay marriage will be the one thing that shreds the moral fiber of America. Speaking of unraveling, when Sen. David Vitter, R-La., was running for office in 2004, he warned about the toll gay marriage would have on our society in a statement on “Protecting the Sanctity of Marriage”: "The Hollywood left is redefining the most basic institution in human history.”

But this was nothing compared to Vitter’s off-color joke comparing the impact of gay marriage to the devastation wrought by hurricanes Katrina and Rita. "Unfortunately, it's the crossroads where Katrina meets Rita,” Vitter said while speaking at a Lafayette Parish Republican Executive Committee luncheon. "I always knew I was against same-sex unions."

This was all before Vitter’s name appeared on the “D.C. Madam’s” phone list and the lawmaker was accused of solicitation of a prostitute, which I believe I heard Dr. Phil once say is a threat to the sanctity of marriage. Vitter apologized for the incident and took full responsibility for his sins, thus cleansing him of wrongdoings. It appears adultery is forgivable but homosexuality remains damnable. Speaking of which, there is a component of our society that believes once gay marriage is legalized, the sky will fall:

The Sky Fell on these American Christians…



…the moment they opened their mouths and tried to string together a coherent line of logical analysis. Mark Twain said it best: “It’s better to be the fool and remain silent, then open your mouth and remove all doubt.” If these folks are God’s foot soldiers, He may want to consider reinstituting the draft.

Cue R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World”

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Originally posted on "Iowa Indpendent"

Political Fallout’s Mitt Romney Ames Straw Poll Predictions

Money can’t buy you “Big Love,” but it can buy you a formerly Iowa-GOP sponsored Straw Poll victory in Iowa. Given the amount of money and family members Romney has poured into this weekend’s Straw Poll in Ames, he should have naming rights for this year’s fundraising extravaganza: The Mitt Romney Ames Straw Poll (unless of course Marvin Pomerantz has anything to say aout it.)

Feeding off his sponsorship of this year's Ames Straw Poll fundraiser, Mitt Romney has already begun the merchandising component of his campaign's business plan. Romney unveiled the Mitt Romney bobble-head doll at the Iowa River and Power Company Wednesday in Iowa City.

Not to mention, Romney reportedly has chartered over 100 buses that he’s filled with prostituted voters (I say this with apprehension, given my mom is one of these alleged prostitutes…) and has paid for their trip, the $35 ticket, and food. Brownback has supposedly matched Romney with 100 chartered buses, while Huckabee failed to get on the bus early and was too late in chartering buses for the event. Meanwhile, rumor has it that Tancredo contracted the Texas Minutemen to ride up north and deliver voters to the Hilton Coliseum via horseback.

So predicting Romney will “win” the Straw Poll would be like predicting the well-financed Steinbrenner New York Yankees would win the ’98 World Series. Besides, with Romney’s commanding lead in the Iowa polls (followed closely by “I don’t know”), he has nothing to gain, much like the Iowa Hawkeye football team has nothing to gain by adding Western Michigan to the end of this year’s schedule.

That said, let’s look at the race for second:

Brownback and Huckabee are competing for the social conservative vote, and this may end up splitting the vote, but the nod goes to Brownback. After all, he claims to be God’s Senator, and the God-fearing Christian Right cannot risk taking any chances here voting against Brownback – you know, just in case it’s true. Call it spiritual insurance, if you -- or God will.

The Ron Paul Revolution should be in full force, but how much of this force will be qualified to vote in the Straw Poll remains to be seen. Paul could finish anywhere from second to last, but the safe bet is fourth, while the risk-takers (i.e. Ron Paul Revolutionaries) may gamble and bet on Paul to show.

Tancredo should be able to whip up the xenophobic crowd, which takes no pains to closet their spite against illegal immigrants. I didn’t realize illegal immigrants posed such a threat to Western Iowa, which is fairly depopulated and primarily farmland. I thought the point of leaving your family indefinitely and risking your life by crossing the border was to make more money – not less by stealing farmers’ jobs. Drawing from his fervent gun-show base, Tancredo should lead the second tier.

Tommy Thompson and Duncan Hunter have already packed their bags and booked their flights. Thompson said he would drop out if he didn’t finish first or second. Have a safe trip home, Tommy.

So here’s the final scorecard*:

1. Mitt Romney
2. Sam Brownback
3. Mike Huckabee
4. Ron Paul
5. Tom Tancredo
6. Tommy Thompson
7. Duncan Hunter

*Not including the non-participants, Giuliani and McCain, nor the White Knights of the GOP, who are sitting on the sidelines before they announce their intention to rescue the Republican Party (Fred Thompson and Newt Gingrich).

More important, here are the real winner of this year’s Mitt Romney Ames Straw Poll:

1. The Iowa GOP – which stands to raise over a million dollars for their fundraiser

2. The Bus Charter Companies (including the out-of-state charter buses Brownback has pimped out to Iowa)

3. Ames – their numbers should do well against the State Fair in Des Moines

4. My Mom -- for scoring an all-expense paid trip to Ames on Romney's dime

5. The Ron Paul Revolution -- win or lose, these folks know how to have fun

Romney's Sons Surge to Support Him, Not Troops

Last Friday I wrote a commentary piece on the “Iowa Independent” about GOP Hawk hypocrisy. At the end of my commentary, I questioned Romney’s call for a “surge of support,” while his strapping sons drive around Iowa in a 30-foot Winnebago raising more money for his campaign – not the troops.

Yesterday in Bettendorf, Rachel Griffiths, a member of the Quad City Progressive Action for the Common Good, as well as the sister of an Army major who had served in Iraq, asked Mitt about this during an “Ask Mitt Anything”:



Griffith’s question and Mitt’s justification of his son’s call to his duty have taken off in the national media. "One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."

Here’s the original commentary, “Wanted: GOP Hawks to Sacrifice Themselves for War,” posted on the “Iowa Independent”:

(Commentary) I honestly believe that I was born with irony and hypocrisy radar chips embedded in my cerebral cortex. And nothing sets the radar off more than a civilian hawk, especially one who vehemently calls for war yet is unwilling to donate, sacrifice, or spill his own blood or that of his loved ones in support of the cause.

My first face-to-face encounter with a hypocritical hawk took place in Jan. 1991 at the onset of the first Gulf War. I was a full-time student at the University of Iowa at the time, and I was also in the Army’s IRR ( Inactive Ready Reserves), meaning I could get called back into active duty should Bush Sr. decide my services were needed. I had already completed my active duty service, but as is the case with every soldier who enlists, I had to finish fulfilling my eight-year contract with Uncle Sam. I was feeling conflicted about the notion of having to leave school and return to the Army. I felt as if my life was moving forward and the military chapter of my life had closed behind me.

One snow-covered January day before the spring semester had begun, I was on my way to the University of Iowa book store when I heard shouting at the UI Pentacrest. A group of protestors had gathered to protest President Bush’s Jan. 15 midnight ultimatum and subsequent bombing of Saddam’s troops in Kuwait. Ironically, the shouts weren’t coming from the sign-wielding protestors, but rather, a group of counter protestors. Not only were the counter protestors yelling obscenities, but they were also throwing snowballs at the protestors.

I approached one of the ringleaders who had just heaved a tightly packed snowball at his intended target, while simultaneously yelling, “Support our troops you pussy commies!” When I asked him what was going on, the young twenty-something informed me that he was part of the UI College Republicans, and they were sick and tired of those damn hippies undermining our troops. “Besides, we have just as much right to exercise our free speech as they do.”

“Does exercising your free speech always involve throwing snowballs?” I asked.

“Why do you care?” he responded while his cohorts fired another round of snowballs.

“Just curious, that’s all,” I said.

“I support our troops, and that’s all that matters. They should be supporting them too,” he said.

“By support, do you mean you’re enlisting?”

“You mean join the military?”

“Yep.”

“I don’t have time to join right now. I’m in college, and I need to finish up here before I think about doing anything else.”

“I see,” I said.

As I walked away, I could hear the shouts fade in the background as thoughts of having to abandon college and go serve in Kuwait invaded the forefront of my mind. While walking to the bookstore, I pondered a quote from, “The Things They Carried,” a book by Vietnam veteran Tim O’Brien who wrote, “There should be a law, I thought. If you support a war, if you think it’s worth the price, that’s fine, but you have to put your own precious fluids on the line. You have to head for the front and hook up with an infantry unit and help spill the blood. And you have to bring along your wife, or your kids, or your lover. A law, I thought.”

This got me thinking about today’s metaphorical “War on Terror.” Since the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have yet to be officially declared by Congress, it’s only fitting that Congress pass legislation that institutes an Undeclared Draft---possibly adding it to the 22nd amendment. Here’s a working draft of the bill, The Undeclared Draft Act, which I crafted on Dec. 6, 2006 in response to Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa, who called for an additional 100,000–150,000 troop surge in Iraq and Afghanistan:

Congress, during times of Undeclared War, shall have the right to institute or reinstitute an Undeclared Draft. Using a lottery system, persons eligible for the Undeclared Draft will be randomly selected from a pool comprised of anyone over the age of 18 who supports any military actions ordered during a time of Undeclared War. The pool will also be extended to include anyone whose mother or father is an elected official and supports, whether it be directly or indirectly, said military actions.

Sounds fair to me, but I’m not sure this would bode well with the hawk-infested political community, especially considering most of their sons and daughters are serving tours on college campuses, while unrelated troops are serving multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The grenade, however, doesn’t fall far from the hawk’s desk, for they’ve managed to breed the same hawk-like hypocrisies into their children. In his documentary-style video, “Generation Chickenhawk: The Unauthorized College Republican Convention Tour,” Max Blumenthal documents the next generation of Republican hawks and their hypocritical mentality when it comes to actually supporting the war.

After visiting Section 60 of Arlington National Cemetery on July 13, 2007, Blumenthal headed across the street to the College Republican National Convention.

In conversations with at least twenty College Republicans about the war in Iraq, I listened as they lip-synched discredited cant about "fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here." Many of the young GOP cadres I met described the so-called "war on terror" as nothing less than the cause of their time.

Yet when I asked these College Repulicans why they were not participating in this historical cause, they immediately went into contortions. Asthma. Bad knees from playing catcher in high school. "Medical reasons." "It's not for me." These were some of the excuses College Republicans offered for why they could not fight them "over there." Like the current Republican leaders who skipped out on Vietnam, the GOP's next generation would rather cheerlead from the sidelines for the war in Iraq while other, less privileged young men and women fight and die.

"Generation Chickenhawk: The Unauthorized College Republican Convention Tour"



Generation Chickenhawk: The Unauthorized College Republican Convention Tour from huffpost and Vimeo.

The other day I received an e-mail message from Mitt Romney, who’s calling for a “surge of support” to go along with the recent troop surge in Iraq. In doing so, Romney attacked the Democrats’ allegiences towards the troops:

While some Democrats in Congress say they support the troops who are making these sacrifices, many don’t support the work they are doing to make the surge a success.

By troop support, Romney means visiting and/or joining an organization that sends supplies, care packages and other moral boosters over to our deployed troops. This is great, but nowhere in his plan does Romney indicate that we should support our returning veterans as well or support Jim Webb’s congressional measure that would give our troops more down time upon their return before redeployment.

Nor does Romney, who has been blessed with five strapping sons, suggest supporting our troops with fresh meat from his own familial den of young military hawks. I received a campaign e-mail yesterday from Josh, one of Romney’s sons, who has been cruising around Iowa in his dad’s 30-foot Winnebago in an effort to raise support for his dad’s Ames Straw Poll.campaign.

Jesus Told Tom Tancredo to Bomb Mecca?

Somebody who feels compelled to publicly announce they’ve found Jesus and made Him his personal savior makes me really nervous, especially if that somebody is a politician running for office. (e.g. George W. Bush)

During the GOP debate in Des Moines this past Sabbath Day, the candidates were asked to confess a defining mistake in their lives and why. Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo stepped up to the plate and swung for the Holy fence.

Tancredo’s Defining Mistake: “It took me 30 years before I realized Jesus Christ is my personal savior.”

Now, I realize that people confess they found Jesus as a means of whiting out any moral ambiguities, indiscretions, and/or mistakes they may have made in the past, but this is not what really scares me. It’s what they do after they publicly announce their new relationship with Jesus Christ in front of a nationally televised audience that sends apocalyptic shivers down my spine.

Tancredo is no exception to this post-I-found-Jesus-and-made-him-my-personal-savior phenomenon. Similar to Bush Jr., I’m fairly certain Tancredo hasn’t read the "Dummy’s Guide to Making Jesus Your Own Personal Savior" from cover to cover.

Better yet, Tancredo may want to revisit (or visit assuming he hasn’t read it) the “Old Testament” before joining a book club with Jesus. So when Tancredo made Jesus his personal savior, was it a two-way street? I’m wondering if Jesus had any say in the matter, but the point is really moot, since Jesus loves and accepts all mankind—yes, even Tancredo.

A spiritual source with Political Fallout did manage to intercept a memo sent from Jesus to Tancredo under the newly adopted FISA guidelines -- which permits the government to intercept messages from any entities outside the United States (i.e. Heaven) that are deemed a threat to American Imperialism and the spread of Democracy.

TO: Rep. Tom Tancredo, R.-Colo.
FROM: Jesus, Savior of Mankind
DATE: 8-6-07
SUBJECT: Personal Savior Status

Dear Tom,

While watching the GOP debate on the day set aside for praising my father and only my father, it came to my attention that you had found Me and made Me your personal savior. Although flattered, I don’t recall making this pact and after combing through my files, I found no record of you finding Me. Maybe you could help out by refreshing my memory and letting me know the precise date I became your personal savior. Hopefully, there’s just been a bureaucratic lapse on our end. You’d be amazed how many things get lost through the bureaucratic cracks up here. I mean, how else do you think Bush got elected not once, but twice?

Another thing, if our records do indicate that you have achieved saved status, I’d suggest you read my biography, “The New Testament,” so I know we’re on the same page. (After all, in this modern age of marketing and product branding, I do have to protect my image and how it’s used.) For example, there’s the bit about loving your neighbor as you love yourself. Well, Tom, I really meant those words. They weren’t meant to be taken at a literal level, meaning just love the folks on your street or in your neighborhood. Rather, I was speaking metaphorically and by neighbors, I meant mankind. Comprende, Senor Tancredo?

So, if we’re going to continue our relationship, I want you to promise me that you’ll stop treating your neighbors to the south like sub-humans who are hell bent on coming to your country to destroy your way of life by killing every one in their path. This is no way to treat my dad’s creations. If he gets a whiff of this, there will be hell to pay. Oh, and please stop threatening to blow up Mecca and other holy shrines to serve as a deterrent to war. Trust me, there are other ways to deter war, but I’m sure you’ve familiarized yourself with these teachings when you read my biography.

Like I said, I’ll look into my files for records indicating your saved status. In the meantime, be sure to send us a record of when you found Me, so my staff can update our records up here.

Love Always,

Jesus

P.S. As a gesture for considering Me to be your personal savior, I would like to send you one of my bumper stickers. I’ll send you your choice of the ever-popular “W.W.J.D?,” “What Would Jesus Bomb?” (BTW, I’m being ironic here, Tom: LOL:) or my personal favorite “Look Busy, Jesus is Coming.” Just let me know in your daily prayers, and I’ll get it to you as soon as possible.

On Behalf of His Sugar Mama, Vilsack’s Workin’ Barack Obama

• With Greenwood Elementary School lurking in the backdrop, Hillary announces her $400,000 adoption of Tom Vilsack in exchange for his endorsement

Nobody messes with Vilsack’s Sugar Mama, not even you, Barack Obama.

In light of the recent fallout from the CNN/YouTube Democrat non-debate, in which Hillary and Obama disagreed on how they would handle diplomacy with rogue leaders (not including President Bush, whose “executive privalege” disqualifies him from rogue status), Clinton sicked her attack dog/benefactor on Obama today. Speaking on behalf of his political Sugar Mama, Vilsack told reporters on a phone conference that he was disappointed with Obama, citing discrepancies in some of Obama’s recent statements.:

“I would hope the senator would clarify his comments as to whether or not he is for preconditions or not and would cease and desist from distorting the record and comments of Senator Clinton.”

Cease and desist? Looks like Tommy Boy took no time reverting to his lawyerin’ days with such threatening legal jargon. Personally, I think Vilsack should have sent Obama a note saying:

Hey Barack,

You better stop messin’ with my Sugar Mama if you know what’s good for you. I don’t care what anybody says, sticks and stones do break bones. If you fail do cease and desist from attacking my Sugar Mama, I’ll have no choice but to settle this the old fashioned way at a bike rack of your choice. Just you and me, and don’t even think about trying any of that diplomacy stuff with me, smart guy. Or I’ll have the lean mean DLC propaganda machine spinning you into political oblivion before you know what hit you.

Tom Vilsack
Hillary’s Benefactor

By the way, Hillary Just Hillary, my offer regarding the Political Fallout endorsement still stands. For a mere $100,000, Political Fallout will officially endorse your candidacy. The Fallout bump should be enough to help deliver Iowa. Please contact me via e-mail to convey your wishes. I will not cease nor desist in my quest for your endorsement to endorse you in exchange for a mere pittance of your campaign war chest.

In the meantime, I’d like to give a shout out to Hillary and the other Sugar Mama’s out there in blogland:

Sugar Mama