Sunday, November 18, 2007

Democratic Candidates Endorse Biden, Sort of… (And Other Observations from the Campaign Trail in Iowa)

While watching the last three or four Democratic non-debates, I stopped counting after 100, I’ve noticed some distinct patterns emerge, one of which was the number of times Sen. Joe Biden’s competitors acknowledges the “Ears of Experience” candidate. Whether it be agreement or praise, the red flags kept popping up and it looks like I’m not alone. The Biden campaign seized on this and spliced together a medley of Biden’s political peeps piling on the kudos to the beat of Randy Newman’s “You’ve Got a Friend in Me.”

“Candidates Agree: Joe is Right!”

While watching over the campaign trail in Iowa (Yes, Political Fallout has staffed its own “Big Brother” – not to be confused with Hillary Just Hillary’s Big Brother Tom Vilsack), I’ve noticed a number of other patterns and/or trends that have emerged along the dusted-up trail over time.

Let’s begin with the Democrats:

1. The candidates of CHANGE* are no longer painting themselves as the candidate of change with bold brush strokes.

*Candidate of Change: candidates who, while working in D.C., had an epiphany after being visited by the DLC (Democratic Leadership Corporation) Ghosts of Democracy Past, Present, and Future.

Besides, what change were they promising in the first place, a change form the past eight years of tyrannical despotism? Duh!

2. The Son of a Mill Worker was locked up in solitary confinement once the “War on Lobbyists” was officially declared.

3. Obama’s Wayne’s-World induced flashbacks to the definitive moment five years ago when he spoke out against an impending war on Iraq have been fewer and far between.

4. Hillary Just Hillary’s initial campaign theme, “Let’s Have a Conversation,” is still going strong -- only the dynamics have changed from Hillary having a discourse with paid staffers to Hillary having conversations with surrogates of paid staffers strategically planted in the crowd.

Now on to the Republicans:

1. Rudy Giuliani has managed to reign in his “9/11 Tourettes” to some degree, but as caucus night nears, the anxiety is bound to unleash a barrage of 9/11 episodes on the trail.

Rudy Giuliani’s “9/11 Tourettes” flared up while addressing NRA members:

2. While Tancredo had cornered the market on xenophobia, the GOP frontrunner in Iowa, Mitt Romney, illustrated why he's the "Turnaround Artist" when he usurped the “Beware of the Illegal Immigrant Under the Bed” crown, which was spearheaded by his fear-mongering Americana TV ads in Iowa.

3. As predicted, Fred Thompson’s best chance of winning the GOP nomination was not actually running or officially declaring his candidacy, and now that he’s running his poll numbers are sliding. Although three months have passed, and what do we really know about Fred, eh? What I would give to be a fly on the wall of Fred’s brain – preferably not the side where the campaign teleprompter projects empty rhetoric.

4. It looks like the GPS device on McCain’s “Straight Talkin’ Express” made the bus take a wrong turn at Albuquerque and has chosen to bypass Iowa on the road to the White House…parking lot.

Reported Missing in Action (MIA):

Democrats: Dennis Kucinich & Mike Gravel

Republicans: Duncan Hunter & Joe Lieberman