Saturday, January 5, 2008

Pseudo-Live Blog of Da Dem Debate

Jumping in a little late to the Democratic debate, but here goes.

Edwards joins Obama in "War of Change" against the Status Quo PrimaDona:

"We got change yes we do.
We got change, how about you?"

Clinton raises her voice:

"You want change, I got the most.
I got the most..."

Cue David Bowie’s “Changes…”

“Ch-ch-ch-changes…Turn and face the strange…”

“Boo, it’s me, Osama bin Laden…”

“Turn and face the strange…”

“Boo, it’s me: George Bush…”


Richardson, the little kid trapped at his friends when his friend’s parents start family fight over his head, jumps in with humor to ease the tension:

“I’ve seen more civil arguments in hostage negotiations.”

Speaking of change, let’s ch-ch-ch-change the subject.

I finally figured out who Edwards reminds me of when he speaks and gesticulates, using his thumb and forefinger(s) when making points: Quincy, M.D. (from the TV Drama):

Quincy speaking in the morgue over a frozen cadaver: “Sam, can’t you see. If we don’t do anything to stop the meaningless slaughter of people caught in the perpetual cycle of poverty whose only crime was being born under the Reagan era and crushed to death by a maelstrom of trickle-down economics, we’ll be performing millions more autopsies just like this one. Something has to be done before it’s too late, and I intend to do something about it. Pack your bags, Sam, we’re going to an off-shore bank to find some answers and maybe do a little snorkeling…for answers of course."

Scott notices double-team on Hillary: Why don’t New Hampshire voters like you?

That hurt my feelings. (Newsbreak: Hillary has feelings. Details at 10).

Hillary is comparing Obama to Bush? Who in their right mind would want to have a beer with Bush? Don’t people know that drinking beers with Bush is dangerous business? The odds of choking on a pretzel are astounding?

Newsflash: According to Fred Thompson, the Liberals like Obama more than “Law and Order.”

Bill’s eyes are caught in the caught in the what-have-you-done-about-energy-lately headlights. Blink, Bill, blink…Quick, Edwards, loan Bill some of your blinks before his eyes dry up.

Bill says Al Gore is right and deserves the “Noble Price…?”

Political Fallout starts the bidding at $10… Can I get 15? Where’s Leonard Boswell when I need him and his auctioneer skills?

Scott challenges Edwards’ selective memory: “Scott, can’t you see; young children are dying because we don’t have a patients bill of rights…”

Note: John Edwards’ father gets a day off from retirement to attend the debate.

Clinton calls for “Reality Break”: Tsk, tsk, Hillary, even NH voters know that reality and politics don’t mix. Translate change into action. Again another political paradox. Let me check my English to Political Speak Dictionary for confirmation.

Political Action: see oxymoron.

Obama: “Words do matter.” Ain’t that the truth.

Bill feels the pain of do-nothing-Congress. You guys are screwin’ up my state.

Edwards & Obama: We need to unite and galvanize Americans and sick them on those big, mean lobbyists. Grab a bat folks and let’s take to the streets and march on K-Street. Maybe if we’re lucky, we can hook up with Romney’s father on K-Street as he marches with us.

Just Say No to Carbon Taxes. Way to go, you know everyone is going to start taxing carbon, just because you told them not to. Now we’ll never win the "War on Carbon Taxes." Cough…cough…cough…

Richardson reminds us again that he’s the only one who has balanced a budget as governor in New Mexico. Whew…I nearly forgot. Thanks, Bill. Which reminds me: Gov. Culver is the only governor who has been in the classroom over the past 20 years.

Now’s your chance to take back something you said in a previous debate:

Hillary…say it Hillary, say it…Drivers licenses for illegal immigrants….”I pass to the pundits…” I can’t wait to see the pundits run this back for a touchdown afterwards. Go Redskins.

Edwards: Sorry about teasing Hillary about her jacket. Liar, liar, pants on fire Johnny E.; that jacket was horrendous. My neighbor's purse dog has a matching sweater. In the immortal words of Triumph the Insult Dog: "That jacket is good enough for me to poop on..."

Stay tuned for the post-pundit spin. Thanks, but no thanks. Just say no to pundits.

“You spin me right round, baby, like a record baby, right round…”

Yawn, I think I’ll follow Obama’s lead and turn it to football.