Saturday, January 13, 2007

Rep. Steve King Experiences “Spinal Tap” Miscalculation

In the film, “Spinal Tap,” band members make a major miscalculation when drawing up the plans (on a bar napkin) for a giant Stonehenge stage prop. They wanted the imitation Stonehenge lowered down on to the stage while singing their hit song, "Stonehenge." Unfortunately, a superfluous apostrophe shrinks the replicated monument from feet to inches, thus humiliating the band in front of their fans.

Meanwhile, Iowa’s Master of Political of Horror, Rep. Steve King, makes a similar miscalculation. While feeding his Mexican border fence fetish, King rebuked new government estimates which nails down the fence with a $49 billion price tag. “Why the Corps of Engineers would put out a number like this, I can’t comprehend,” he said. Citing the Congressional Budget Office’s estimate of $2 billion dollars, Rep. King failed to realize is that this estimate was based on the ACTUAL fence model King displayed on the House congressional floor.
Rep. Steve King unveils model section of proposed Mexican border fence. King Construction Company, now owned by Steve King's number-one son, placed a bid of $2 billion on the 700 foot model fence.
Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-Ca and GOP presidential hopeful, echoed King’s rebuke of the government estimate: “It’s just a fence. It’s the kind of fence we build in every part of America every day.”

Everyfence: Hunter Duncan's example of the ubiquitous fence built in every part of America every day.

Rep. Duncan also claimed the government’s research service numbers were “pulled out of thin air by folks who were in the mindset of creating mission impossible.” One of "Mission Impossible's" creators, Tom Cruise, could not be reached for comment. He's currently being held captive at an undisclosed Scientologist compound. (see left)

Friday, January 12, 2007

Culver Has Tough Act to Follow


As Chet Culver takes the oath and officially takes over the reigns as Iowa’s Governor today, he’ll have a tough act to follow.

No, not Tom Vilsack’s eight year performance as Iowa Governor…

...but the Reverend Al Green’s high-octane soul performance at last night’s Inaugural event, “One Iowa Gala” at Hancher Auditorium in Iowa City.

The legendary gospel, soul, and rock ‘n’ roll performer stole the show, proving he can still hit the high notes and the low notes. The Reverend brought plenty of love to his stage performance, using his voice to woo audience members, myself included, into submission.

While trying to instill "love" in the audience, Rev. Al Green catches Rep. Steve King napping in the crowd.

Let’s hope Senator Mike Gronstal and Representative Patrick Murphy can hone these same skills when they’re wooing the Senate and House chambers for the votes needed to pass key legislation. While Al Green kept “taking us back,” the Democratic House needs to push Iowa forward.

Side Note: Iowa’s very own Tom Arnold emceed the event and attempted to be funny, but took the low road, primarily relying on fat jokes to bolster his comedic efforts.

In addition to the six fat jokes he made (only one was directed at himself), Arnold reminisced with the crowd about his past in Iowa City, reveling in his party daze and his menial job at McDonald's.

In between acts, Tom Arnold teases aspiring comedians/actors in the crowd, dangling his "secret to success" in front of an unamused audience.

And how/why is Tom Arnold still famous?

If you have any insight into Arnold's secret, please unveil your pearls of widom in the comments.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Bush’s First Trip to Library May Prove Disastrous

Last night, President Bush took a gamble by embarking on his first planned trip to the White House Library, where he unveiled his “new” plan for Iraq to the American people. Albeit, this was not the Gambler’s first run-in with the library. Last week, Bush inadvertently stumbled upon the library and surprised the White House librarian. The Gambler attempted to save face by assuming his only poker face and asked the librarian if there were any remaining copies of the Cliffs’ Notes version of “The Iraq Study Group Report.” (Note: no copies were available, but Bush did check out the original text, which still resides on his bedside table, sandwiched between “Curious George Throws Kerosene into the Fire” and the most current “Maxim” magazine).
In last night's televised address, President Bush managed to capture the very same Bush-in-the-library look he had when confronted by the White House Librarian last week.

For all the flak President Bush has received for not reading, after last night’s address to the nation critics may be slow to criticize Bush’s reading habits (or lack thereof). Choosing to make a bad problem worse will only burn Bush’s legacy into the history books forever. The Commander in Chief (not to be confused with the “pet” name Bush uses for the First Lady when the two are in the same bed together) has decided to gamble on the Iraq War, committing another 21,500 troops to the effort. Although President Bush did admit to making a few mistakes, he still hasn’t been held accountable for his failed policies in Iraq.

Maybe the American people should hold Bush to the same accountability standards the federal government holds for teachers and public schools under the No Child Left Behind Act. This way we would have a clearer sense of Bush’s plan, which should include the following; clearly stated objectives, how he intends to implement his plan, what specific materials he will need to execute the plan (including costs), and how the plan will be evaluated to help show that progress has been achieved (e.g. benchmarks that address each one of his objectives).

Using this set of criteria, Bush’s plan fails before it even begins, since Bush has yet to clearly state specific objectives and outcomes of the War in Iraq. Sorry George, Democracy and Freedom cannot be accurately measured for progress (see America). Although the President did indicate that he would make it clear to the Iraqis that if they didn’t get their act together in an unspecified time, the plan he put on the table would no longer be open to the Iraqis.

Now it’s time for Congress to hold the Bush Administration accountable, using the very same repercussions used in the NCLB Act:

Step 1: If the Bush Administration fails to show improved progress and proficiency in the spread of Democracy after one year, they will be put on a “Watch" list. Congress will approve more spending on the Iraq War policy with the intent that the Administration will have a year to meet specific proficiency standards.

Step 2: If, after the one-year “Watch” period, the Bush Administration still fails to meet proficiency levels, they’ll be put on a “Warning” list.

Step 3: If the Bush Administration still shows no progress regarding the War in Iraq over the two-year period, it will be stripped of all Federal Funds and Congress will step in and take over administrative duties. In addition, any taxpayer who’s dissatisfied with the Iraq War will receive a voucher to apply their proportionate taxes on a program of their choice, preferably one that is showing progress.

Under these guidelines, the Bush Administration already surpassed Step 3 two years ago, so it’s time for Congress to step in and take over and shut down the Bush Administration, letting the taxpayers decide where their taxes should be re-appropriated (e.g. universal health care).

Until the President is held fully accountable for his actions, Political Fallout strongly recommends that George W. Bush should be permanently banned from the White House Library (after he returns the library's copy of the Curious George book of course).

We, the American People, cannot afford yet another disaster.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Texas Hold 'Em: Last Call for Escalation

Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out...and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel. ..And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for "the universal brotherhood of man"--with his mouth.

-Mark Twain; What is Man?

In an attempt to “Bring the public back to the war,” the Decider plans to address the nation tonight and sell his “new” strategy to the American people. Bring back? I’m sorry, but did I miss something here? I don’t recall taking a hiatus or commercial break form the Iraq War. It must be nice to have that luxury, eh George?

Despite popular opinion/criticism from military experts, the legislative majority, and the majority of American voters; it appears that the Decider has already decided. Political prognosticators project the Decider will call for an additional 20,000 to 50,000 troops to help escalate the War in Iraq. Tragically, the Decider has metamorphosed into “The Gambler,” playing a political game of no-holds-barred “Texas Hold ‘Em.” What are the stakes? Human lives. And it appears the Gambler has no qualms with upping the ante, tapping into the House bank for more soldiers to fuel his hand. It must be nice to have that luxury, eh George?

You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealins done.

-Kenny Rogers; “The Gambler”

Tonight as we watch the Gambler attempt to make his case to the American people, we’ll assume the role as spectator as we watch him gamble our soldiers’ lives away, sacrificing Democracy in the process. Until then, it’s imperative that we know where our representatives stand and contact them, letting them know where We the People stand:

Senator Chuck Grassley: “Holde ‘em, ‘All in’…
"I think what he needs to do ... is make it clear - not to the American people but the Iraqi people - that this is your last chance if you want America's help getting you to a peaceful society. You have got to pick up an increasing amount of the responsibility yourself."

...and call Iraqi People”

That would be an agreement by the Iraqi prime minister to spend $10 billion of Iraq's own money and commit more Iraqi force against all violence, or "it'd be a waste of time to send more military in there," the senator said. Grassley said the Iraqi political component should be seen as the centerpiece of any new initiative.

Senator Tom Harkin: “Fold ‘em and Walk Away”
"My position is clear: There is nothing to be gained by escalating our involvement in Iraq and putting more of our brave young men and women in the midst of a civil war. The deteriorating situation in Iraq cannot be solved through military action. It requires a political solution."

Rep. Tom Latham: “Hold ‘em”

Bush's plan is that military forces led by Iraqis and supported by Americans would go in and clear out insurgents in Baghdad and Anbar province, then remain and hold the areas until some unstated time in the future.Latham said he is "extremely frustrated" by the war, and worried about U.S. troops, though he doesn't want the United States to sustain what would be perceived as defeat.

Rep. Steve King: “Hold and raise the stakes”

Bush's plans are consistent with policies King has long advocated to win the war on terror in Iraq."Whatever their strategy is, with 150,000 in the country right now, another 20,000, if they think they need them, I would never say no to that."

Rep. Leonard Boswell: Undecided
"Iowans are starting to wonder, where's the end to this?"

Rep. Bruce Braley: “Hold ‘em and see where the House stands”

Declined to comment until after the president's nationally televised speech, but spokesman Jeff Giertz said Braley is "opposed to a troop surge."

Rep. Dave Loebsack: “Fold ‘em and walk away”

A plan for additional troops should be called an "escalation" rather than a "surge." "I think it goes in exactly the wrong direction of what we should be doing at this point - I believe we should begin to de-escalate.”

In the meantime, although it may be too late to sway the Decider (if that was ever possible), be sure to sign the following online petitions:

Vilsack’s Petition, “Communities Opposed to Escalating the War Resolution”:

MoveOn’s petition: No Escalation in Iraq

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Joe Biden Announces "He’s Going to Be Joe Biden"

On last Sunday’s “Meet the Press” Senator Joe Biden announced he will seek the Democratic presidential nomination. Matter of factly, Biden told anchor Tim Russert, “I am running for president.”

To clear up any confusion among voters and Joe Biden himself as to who he is, the Delaware Senator confided: “I’m going to be Joe Biden, and I’m trying to be the best Joe Biden I can be.” Now that this is clear, voters are left asking:

So, is this the best Senator Joe Biden can be?

On a June edition of C-SPAN's "Road to the White House" Biden said, "In Delaware, the largest growth in population is Indian-Americans moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking."

Unfortunately, a number of local Deleware's Indian-Americans weren't amused by Senator Biden's attempt at reaching out to them:
Apu, a clerk at a convenience store in Springfield, exercised his 2nd Amendment right, arming himself against any future Senator Biden slips-of-the-tongue.
So, what do you think Senator Biden's campaign slogan should be? Be sure to participate in the poll, "No, I'm Joe Biden" (right column).

Sunday, January 7, 2007

Hillary Reveals She’s a Man Trapped in a Woman’s Body After All

Polarized Hillary Clinton detractors, whose manhood has been threatened by a woman with power, have often speculated about Hillary’s gender. Some of the more insidious of these folks have argued that Hillary is not a woman – but a man.

Recent evidence suggests Hillary IS a man, but not just any man; why she’s John Edwards, her potential '08 presidential rival.

For those of you who need hard evidence, click here:

Now that the evidence is on the table, it shouldn't be confusing who's who in the next presidential campaign.

John Kerry (left), Hillary Clinton (middle), and Bill Clinton (right) get a good laugh after Bill and Hillary let Kerry in on Hillary's little secret.