Thursday, September 18, 2008

GOP’s Trusty Invisible Hand Fist F*cks the Trickled-Down…Again

When the late artist Robert Mapplethorpe portrayed photographs of fist-f*cking in his 1988 retrospective show, “Robert Mapplethorpe: the Perfect Moment,” opened in a D.C. gallery (after being canceled in Philadelphia), Republicans denounced the exhibit as obscene and tasteless and demanded that Congress strip (pun intended) funding to the National Endowment of the Arts.
When the Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy, Congress wasted no time crafting a bill that would bail these guys out with an $85 billion loan, essentially bilking the taxpayer for the company’s free-market f*ck up.
This begs the proverbial question: Who’s fist-f*cking whom?

Better yet, what is more obscene in D.C.: Mapplethorpe or the D.C. fat cats and Republican politicians who cling to the free market when they are afraid?

Artist's rendition of the Invisible Hand

If you have ever heard a Republican on the stump fielding unscreened questions, you know what I am talking about.

GOP Stump Speech Script Responses:

Voter: How will you solve the economic crisis that has recently plagued financial institutions?

Candidate: Nothing. The Free Market will eventually help our economy rebound.

Voter: What is your exit plan for the war in Iraq?

Candidate: The Free Market

Voter: How will you help insure the 47 million uninsured Americans and prevent the bottom rung from dropping coverage -- because they can no longer afford the monthly payments?

Candidate: The Free Market may be unhealthy right now, but left alone, the invisible hand will heal our health care woes?

Voter: What are your thoughts on pre-marital sex?

Candidate: Who am I to argue with the Free Market?

Voter: Sex outside of marriage?

Candidate: Again, who am I to argue with the Free Market? Let it takes it natural course.

Voter: Sex outside species?

Candidate: Free Market

Voter: If news surfaced that you fathered a child out of your marriage, what would you name your bastard child?

Candidate: Free Market

Voter: Are you, or have you ever been diagnosed with Free Market Tourettes Syndrome?

Candidate: What the f*ck “Free Market” are you f*cking “Free Market” talking about? Who let this Commie “Free Market” liberal “Free Market” in here “Free Market”?

I think it’s time to revisit Witsend Here and resurrect “Talk to the Invisible Hand” (April 20, 2006).

(Note: This post was sponsored by the Free Market and written by an Invisible Hand, thus relinquishing the blog’s Creator T.M. Lindsey of any responsibility or libel suits filed on behalf of Adam Smith and/or Robert Mapplethorpe)

Sunday, September 14, 2008

What do Sarah Palin, a Moose, Castration, and this Year’s Election Have in Common?

Nothing, if you had asked Iowa Lt. Gov. Patty Judge, who delivered some stinging laugh lines at today’s annual Harkin Steak Fry.

The Iowa Independent’s Jason Hancock serves up his account off Judge’s bit:

Iowa Lt. Gov. Patty Judge is getting tired of the comparisons some are drawing between herself and Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin.

The two female politicians differ on almost every major issue of the day, Judge said, but the differences between them don’t stop there.

“Sarah knows how to field dress a moose,” Judge told a crowd of about 1,000 at Sen. Tom Harkin’s annual steak fry. “I know how to castrate a calf. The thing is, neither of those things have anything to do with this election.”

Judge said it would be stupid for Republican presidential nominee John McCain to think simply putting a woman on the ticket will mean women will support his candidacy.

“Just because you wear a pantsuit doesn’t qualify you to be in the sisterhood,” she said.

On the issues that really matter to female voters, Palin is out of touch, Judge said.

“Sarah does not believe a woman has the right to reproductive choice,” Judge said. “She does not believe in science-based education as the foundation to truth and learning. And the fact that she could be a heartbeat away from the presidency of the United States scares me to death.”

She also called into question Palin’s resume, which includes serving as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, and governor of Alaska for less than 2 years.

“I was elected twice to the state senate, twice as Iowa’s secretary of agriculture and now as the state’s lieutenant governor,” she said.

Then she added, jokingly, “but here’s the rub: [Sen. Barack] Obama never called.”

Palin & Clinton Flaunt Nonpartisan Baggage on Saturday Night Live

When I first saw Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, I thought she looked like Tina Fey and imagined the elitist late-night sketch comedy show, Saturday Night Live, would have a field day with Palin.

SNL wasted no time satirizing Palin last night with its opening sketch:

“A Nonpartisan Message from Gov. Sarah Palin and Sen. Hillary Clinton”

Best Juxtaposed Lines:

Clinton: “I believe that diplomacy should be the cornerstone of any foreign policy."

Palin: “I can see Russia from my house.”

Best Straight Talk:

Clinton: “I invite the media to grow a pair and if you can’t, I will lend you mine.”

This line especially hit home after Team McCain and the GOP Machine called for a jihad on the press at its widely covered Republican National Commercial.

The latter may be "The Campaign to Nowhere's" undoing, for it may work on the GOP base, but it is likely to push the Independents into Obama’s camp.