Wednesday, March 7, 2007

“The Blue Scare”: Edwards Names Names

Voters Beware: The ripple effect of “The Blue Scare” has begun in Iowa, and the presidential hopefuls are naming names. First Vilsack named names, and now that’s he’s dropped out of the race, John Edwards is naming the names of those previously named by Vilsack. Naming names is catching on and the Blue Menace is lurking behind every political corner in Iowa (or five if you buy into Jim Nussle’s conspiratorial fifth corner theory), waiting to pounce upon unsuspecting Democrat caucus goers.

Granted, like most of the congressional Iraq resolutions, these loyalty oaths are nonbinding and don’t really mean anything beyond political posturing. Once you step behind the curtain, the only binding loyalty is to yourself. Nonetheless, before you sign anything and commit your support to a presidential candidate, keep in mind that you may be “outed” in the future if your candidate decides to name names. Although, should you waver on your support and/or cross over to the dark side, you may be subpoenaed by the Iowa Democratic Party on Un-Democratic Activities:

IDPUDA: Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Republican Party?

Vilsack can be accredited with starting the “The Blue Scare” when he publicly announced that he had a list of 1,159 Iowans who had committed to support him for the presidential nomination. In the wake of naming names, Vilsack also boldly predicted that he would win the Iowa presidential caucuses. But who needs lists when it’s not even about committed support and votes; it’s all about money, eh Tom? Meanwhile, as Vilsack’s former contenders scramble for his electoral leftovers, John Edwards scored some table scraps and named names, releasing a list of 100 names of Iowa Democrats who said they had been Vilsack backers.

Despite its far reaching penchant for political destruction and chaos, I’m not buying into the whole fear-based “Blue Scare” bit. I refuse to live my life in fear, excluding all the scary stuff such as Dick Cheney, a war with Iran, rodeo clowns, and Dick Cheney. Besides, Mr. Edwards isn’t the only one with a list of names. I have in my possession a list of 7,893 names of people who were committed Anybody-but-Bush Backers during the ’04 election. Since Bush cannot run in ’08, these folks have shifted their allegiances to an Anybody-but-Republican campaign, and they’ve entrusted their loyalty to yours truly. Imagine that, now I’m the Decider!

So any of you presidential hopefuls out there who actually read blogs, let alone “Political Fallout,” and want first dibs on my list, I’m listening. I’ll be waiting for your e-mail. Remember, I have 7,893 good reasons why you should contact me. And please don't get any funny ideas about threatening me with a rodeo clown; I 've written down a contingency plan for dealing with such matters.