Wednesday, February 13, 2008

How Will Clinton Spin Out of Potomac Spanking Machine?

The results from the Beltway are rolling in: Snap! Crackle! Pop!

No, our beloved little Rice Krispies’ friends aren’t projecting tonight’s winners, rather, that was the crisp staccato of the political spanking machines reverberating across Virginia, Maryland, and the District of Columbia

Now that Clinton’s Dynamic-Duo, Patti Doyle Solis and Mike Henry have stepped down (“Wonder-twin powers form into the political byproduct of a top-down campaign!”), to spend more time with their families I presume, the big question is how the Clinton Campaign will spin their way out the Potomac Spanking Machine: Snap! Crackle! Pop!

Here’s a glimpse into some possible spin scenarios:

Spin No. 1: Of course we lost the Potomac vote by such a wide margin; this clearly shows that Obama truly is the Establishment candidate. What next: Wisconsin, Hawaii, Texas, Ohio, Pennsylvania? Don’t worry, we’re on to Obama and his follow-the-yellow-brick-road establishment strategy. In the meantime:

PLEASE DONATE NOW!!!

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 2: Despite what the exit polls are saying, we’re winning the Dunkin Donut vote!

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 3: People of Metropolis, this is no time to panic. What happens in a smoke-filled room at convention, stays in a smoke-filled room at convention (uproarious applause).
Look (points up to the sky): it’s a bird, no it’s a plane…why no, it’s Superdelegate!

(Note: this product-placement spin was bought and paid for by the Democratic Leadership Corporation, where "Moderate" is no longer a dirty word.)

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 4: Endorsing Hope is so five minutes ago…

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 5: ‘Tis a minor scratch, I’ve had much worse.

3 comments:

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#5 alone was worth the price of admission. LMAO.

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