Thursday, July 10, 2008

Iowa Chops Hockey Takeover Spurs Punslinging

Not since the Muppets have we seen Pigs on Skates. Move over Miss Piggy, the Iowa Chops, the newest American Hockey League team, are coming to town.

Don’t worry, I’m sure that Iowans and the minor-league hockey community outside of Iowa, assuming such a thing even exists, will be hamming up the Chops new name with a plethora of pig puns and other piguendos.

The Iowa Chops, which is a farm team for the Anaheim Ducks (What the puck were they thinking when they named their franchise?), partnered with the Iowa Pork Producers Association and the co-owner Kirby Schlegel wanted a name that nobody else had (e.g. The Bitch-Slapstix).

"Something that got the community excited and most of all ties into Iowa,” Schlegal openly confessed to the Des Moines Register.

I don’t know about you, but nothing gets me more excited than pork; whether it be the film “Porkys” (which was the first R-rated movie I snuck into), traipsing in the meadow with my butterfly chop net, or hearing Mr. Pork Chop’s famous “Porrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk Chop” call while riding my bike on RAGBRAI.

Tragically, Mr. Pork Chop, who I assumed would be the poster boy for the Iowa Chops was ham hocked in the merger by a corporate logo. Das Pigs!!! Fearing a blitzkrieg of puns that would only serve up an affront to the Chop’s manliness and play on the insecurities of its players, the team was rebranded with a corporate logo that showcases a mean-looking boar’s head.

As Mr. Pork Chop gears up for RAGBRAI, fine tuning his pork-pink bus and warming up his chops to decry his famous pig call (see video below), I can’t help but think he feels slighted by the new Chops logo. (Note: RAGBRAI is famous for being the only week-long bike ride across a state, in which riders actually gain weight before plummeting into the Mississippi and floating downriver: Soueeeeeeeeuy!))

Mr. Pork Chop Serves Up a Taste of Pork Chop Fever

In the stuttering words of the most famous pigs of all, Porky Pig (why the redundancy here; this can’t be good for his self esteem, not to mention the all the pork spent on speech therapy), I leave you with:

"Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!" ...