Saturday, January 10, 2009

Obama Comes Down from the Burning Bushes with Bush Jr.'s 10 Commandments

President-elect Barack Obama met with all the living U.S. Presidents at the Oval Office for a luncheon, which the new prez-on-the-block hailed as an “extraordinary” occasion.

Obama caught on camera hiding in the Bushes

Meanwhile, while the sitting President George W. Bush used the occasion to help whitewash himself from the recently stained office and remind everyone that the office “transcends the individual,” President Bill Clinton was reliving memories of literal stains left in the wake of his term.

The luncheon was held up President Jimmy Carter, who had trouble finding the office because Bush Jr.s office had inadvertently sent him the Roadmap to Peace in the Middle East, which had been misplaced sometime during the first year of his first term in office.

During the luncheon, the presidents shared advice with the incoming Obama, ranging from how to avoid being a one-termer to what kind of dog he should get.

Half way through the lunch gathering George W. Bush passed a napkin under the table to Obama, which had a message scrawled in black pen written on it. Obama is still trying to figure out whether or not the message was serious or intended to be some kind of presidential prank that presidents play on the newbie.

Through one of its sources, Political Fallout was able to procure a copy of the message scribbled on a White House cocktail napkin:

Hey O’Man,

Thought you might need these when you take office. They’re my own 10 Commandments and helped me get through the past 8 years and survive my low approval ratings:

King George’s 10 Commandments

1. Just do what Big Dick says and you’ll be okay

2. Don’t make any Play-doh statues of members of intelligence community and/or yourself during morning security briefings

3. When the cow paddies hit the fan, run for Crawford and lay low until EVERYTHING blows over

4. Remember that Sundays is for reading the funnies (except those poking fun at you), taking extra nap between regular naps, watching sports and Laura read books, and eating pretzel sandwiches with Barney

5. Honor Big Dick

6. Thou shalt not kill anyone who doesn’t have it comin’ (unless of course the demon who possesses Barney’s body tells you to do it)

7. Ignore Little Dick

8. Thou shalt not steal when you can pass tax breaks and/or draw down from unlimited line of credit tax payers gave you

9. You shall not bear false witness against Canada or Mexico ‘cuz that’s what it says in NAFTA

10. You shall not covet your neighbors’ house, wife, work force, professional hockey players, or anything else that belongs to them ‘cuz that’s what it says in NAFTA

Later,

The Bushmeister

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