Jump the Shark: Clinton’s Grassroots Movement Becomes Parody of Itself?

Maybe Hillary Just Hillary’s top-down campaign strategy of keeping a tight leash on any semblance of a grassroots movement wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Letting go can be very dangerous, and it looks like her grassroots peeps had their jump-the-shark moments in the YouTube world. (Jump the Shark: an allusion to the moment during the TV series, “Happy Days,” in which the Fonz jumped a shark on waterskis (see video below). Verb: For something, often a television show, to have a significant storyline development whose ridiculousness or incredibility signifies that the series has lost its previous quality.)

Fonzie Jumps the Shark



In what appears to be an attempt to rival Obama’s grassroots video, “Yes We Can,” Hillary Just Hillary’s across-the-river grassroots camp made its own set of videos. After several viewings, Political Fallout’s investigative video team (the very same team which has been analyzing “recent” Osama bin Laden tapes to determine if it is indeed bin Laden or an unemployed actor from LA named Gary) has yet to determine whether the Hillary-inspired videos are parodies of pop culture songs or merely parodies of themselves. (Note: Both videos have been sent over to England, where they are currently being used for “Operation Clockwork Orange” -- an experiment trying to reverse behavioral disorders among London’s unruly droogs.)

We’ve juxtaposed the videos with actual parody videos, hoping you, dear readers, can give us any insight into the sources and/or intent of these videos. (Warning: Viewer discretion is advised and Political Fallout cannot be held responsible for the destruction of anyone’s aesthetic sensibilities due to viewing any one of these videos in its entirety. View at your own risk.)

Hillary & Hillary



PINE - Laverne & Shirley Theme



Hillary 4U&Me



The Chaser Decides "The Jackson 5 ABC" Parody

How Will Clinton Spin Out of Potomac Spanking Machine?

The results from the Beltway are rolling in: Snap! Crackle! Pop!

No, our beloved little Rice Krispies’ friends aren’t projecting tonight’s winners, rather, that was the crisp staccato of the political spanking machines reverberating across Virginia, Maryland, and the District of Columbia

Now that Clinton’s Dynamic-Duo, Patti Doyle Solis and Mike Henry have stepped down (“Wonder-twin powers form into the political byproduct of a top-down campaign!”), to spend more time with their families I presume, the big question is how the Clinton Campaign will spin their way out the Potomac Spanking Machine: Snap! Crackle! Pop!

Here’s a glimpse into some possible spin scenarios:

Spin No. 1: Of course we lost the Potomac vote by such a wide margin; this clearly shows that Obama truly is the Establishment candidate. What next: Wisconsin, Hawaii, Texas, Ohio, Pennsylvania? Don’t worry, we’re on to Obama and his follow-the-yellow-brick-road establishment strategy. In the meantime:

PLEASE DONATE NOW!!!

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 2: Despite what the exit polls are saying, we’re winning the Dunkin Donut vote!

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 3: People of Metropolis, this is no time to panic. What happens in a smoke-filled room at convention, stays in a smoke-filled room at convention (uproarious applause).

Look (points up to the sky): it’s a bird, no it’s a plane…why no, it’s Superdelegate!

(Note: this product-placement spin was bought and paid for by the Democratic Leadership Corporation, where "Moderate" is no longer a dirty word.)

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 4: Endorsing Hope is so five minutes ago…

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 5: ‘Tis a minor scratch, I’ve had much worse.

Obama “Yes We Can” Music Video Makes Hillary Cry

During a rare, off-camera, and unscripted moment on the eve of Super Tuesday, Hillary Just Hillary teared up while watching the newly released Obama music video, “Yes We Can.”

Yes We Can - Barack Obama Music Video



Why Hillary Just Hillary teared up remains a mystery, but Political Fallout has speculated as to why the former first lady’s tear ducts may have sprung a minor leak:

5. Senior Campaign Advisor Mark Penn, no relationship to Sean, had just informed his boss that Obama had out-raised her by $18 million in January

4. Video stoked fond memories of a training film produced at Wal-Mart while she served as its first female member (1986-1992). The training video instructed employees on how to resist unionizing efforts with a proven call-and-response technique:

Call: "Can We Bust ‘Em!?"

Response: “Yes We Can!”

3. The Black Eyed Peas will.i.am always make Hillary Just Hillary cry

2. Video reminded her of Bob the Builder episode when Farmer Pickels, despite the efforts of Bob and Wendy’s “Yes-We-Can” optimism, lost his family farm during the agribusiness boon in the ‘90s -- spearheaded by Slick Willy and the Corporate Pigs.

1. Now regrets having cast an absentee vote for herself in New York

Karl Rove Comes Out of Burrow, Sees Shadow: 10 More Months of Fear!

As if on cue, Karl Rove reared his head on Groundhogs’ Day, saw his shadow and predicted “Lots of surprises lie ahead…” (sinister laugh here, eventually drowned out by the sound of Rove stuffing his cheeks with walnuts)

From an op-ed piece in “Newsweek”

“…Maybe we are not seeing the crackup of the GOP. Rather, America is more likely to be at the start of an intense and exciting election. The contest will be hard fought, the actions of the candidates each day hugely significant. It's far too early to draw sweeping conclusions about the health of either party; the presidential race, after all, has barely begun. Lots of surprises lie ahead…”

This is not the first time Rove emerged on Groundhogs’ Day to make a campaign prediction while evoking an undercurrent of fear. I captured the Rovian Groundhog experience on my debut blog, “Witsend Here” in 2006:

The Satiric Press – On Friday, D.C. Karl emerged from his burrow where he’d been hibernating for the past few months, saw his shadow, and predicted 10 more months of fear for the remainder of the political campaign season. Karl Rove, White House Chief of Staff and the President’s top political advisor, made his prediction in front of a prescreened audience of loyal Republican followers. “The United States faces a ruthless enemy," Rove said, "and national security will be the preeminent issue of this years’ campaign.”

The last time D.C. Karl saw his shadow and predicted 10 more months of fear was in 2004, and as it turned out, Karl was right. The unprecedented campaign of fear in 2004 helped President Bush win his reelection bid. While both predictions hinged on the fear of terrorism, the 2004 prediction took a two-pronged fear forecast by throwing homophobia into the mix by way of gay marriage.

There was no doubt as to whether D.C. Karl saw his shadow, for it eclipsed the entire Washington, D.C., area and eastern portions of Virginia. According to Jan Jorgensen, an astronomy professor at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, “I was in the laboratory making my daily calculations when the sky unexpectedly blackened. I thought for sure we had experienced a partial eclipse of the sun. It wasn’t until later in the day that I heard on the news that it was D.C. Karl’s shadow. Then it all made sense.” Startled by the ominous girth of his own shadow, D.C. Karl was reported to have fled his inaugural speaking engagement (see photo) before he could fully outline his fear forecast.

John McCain: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Bush’s Troop Surge

In times of unchecked war and agression, We the People must ask our leaders

What are you compensating for lately?

Live from the War Room: Sen. John McCain and Gen. Buck Turgidson illustrate they have a lot to compensate for:



(Video produced by Brave New Films)

Hillary Finds Precioussssss New Voice in NH

After her victory in New Hampshire Tuesday, Hillary Just Hillary turned her victory speech into a public confessional, “Over the last week I listened to you and in the process I found my own voice.”

Hillary practices new voice during Pledge of Allegience before springing it on unsuspecting New Hampshire supporters

This begs the following questions (feel free to use either Hillary Just Hillary’s new voice or her old voice when begging these questions, but do listen to your own voice during the pontification process):

-Where had Hillary Just Hillary’s Voice been hiding (“lost") before the New Hampshire Primary?

-Whose voice had she been using up to the point she had found her voice?

To help address these questions, Political Fallout’s crack Crime Scene Investigators have been scouring the campaign trail for clues and has narrowed down the possible answers:

1. Where had Hillary Just Hillary’s Voice been hiding (“lost") before the New Hampshire Primary?

a) Buried under $400,000 unmarked dollar bills stuffed between Tom Vilsack’s mattresses

b) In a haystack between “Let’s Have a Conversation” and “The Hillary I Know”

c) At the DLC convention in Tennessee, which all the Democratic candidates, including Hillary, skipped to attend the Daily Kos convention in Chicago

d) In a dust-coverd box in the White House attic labeled: “Hillary Rodham’s Stuff – 1991”

e) In Terry McAuliffe’ssssss other pantssss pocketsiessss: “In here preciousssss….me haves your voice precisousss. We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false! “

2. Whose voice had she been using up to the point she had found her voice?

a) A pre-programmed, poll-tested voice concocted from over 5 million sound bites of HillarySpeak, which had also been poll-tested in several political niches

b) Terry McAuliffe's

c) A watered-down version of James Earl Jones's

d) “Tony's” -- Danny’s imaginary friend from “The Shining”: “Amabo…Amabo!”

e) Millli Vanillli's

Take the Hillary Challenge

Here’s a recent sampling of the New Hillary:



So what do you think?

We taste-tested a random sampling of Political Fallout readers and the overwhelming consensus was that they preferred the Classic Hillary over the New Hillary. We reassured them that it won’t be long before the Classic Hillary reemerges on the political shelves. Although, whether the same marketing genius that helped propel Classic Coke back into its frontrunner as the peoples' preferred pop (or soda for Easterners and coke for Southerners) remains to be seen.

Obama Plagiarizes Bob the Builder in NH Concession Speech

Despite Sen. Barack Obama’s surprise, at least to the pollsters and those who believe them, loss to Sen. Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire tonight, he remained upbeat and positive, borrowing a line from apolitical Bob the Builder to fire up the audience. During a call-and-response component of his concession speech, Obama called out a series of rhetorical questions, only to answer them himself with “Yes We Can.”

Obama's Call: "Can We Do It, America?"

Obama's Response: “Yes We Can!”

Bob the Builder stumps for Obama at local Teamsters' Union rally in New Hampshire

“We’re happy to see that Bob’s message has resonated with Obama,” Wendy, a spokeswoman for Bob the Builder, told Political Fallout. “Bob has always espoused the same message -- a message of change, and we’re glad to see that it has finally gained some traction among eligible voters. My only regret is that Mr. Obama didn’t attribute Bob for using his life-long message. ”