Eighty-Four-Minute Hate: Rove Makes Bank at UI Lecture

(Click) “Shameful!...” “War Criminal!...” “Liar!...”

And so began the Eighty-Four Minute Hate at the University of Iowa, reminiscent of George Orwell’s Two-Minute Hate in “1984,” featuring Karl Rove, former member of President Bush’s Inner Party, and those who have come to despise him.

1984: Two Minute Hate



Take this and mulitply it by Forty-Two and you have:

Abridged Video of Karl Rove’s Eighty-Four Minute Hate (filmed by Iowa Independent’s Adam Burke)



While serving under Bush, Rove, dubbed “The Architect,” was credited with helping orchestrate Bush’s campaign victories in 2000 and 2004. For his behind-the-curtain efforts, The Wizard of D.C. has been lauded as a political-strategy genius on the right, while some members on the left, who are still scratching their heads and asking themselves how Bush could get elected not once, but twice, have conceded this title.

However, not everyone has been impressed with Rove, who, for the left has metamorphosed into the Poster Boy of Hate, temporarily usurping the Throne of Hate from current Inner-Party member and reigning vice president, Dick Cheney.

And now, while the Inner Party and its chief monetary benefactors, The Military Industrial Complex, keep profiting from pumping fear and hate into the economy, Rove has left the Inner Party, at least literally, and has begun testing the private market value of hate by peddling his wares on the lecture circuit.

While the Bush administration’s Orwellian Two-Minute Hate consists of projecting interchangeable figureheads such as Osama bin Laden, North Korean Dictator Kim Jong II and Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on the television screen, Rove’s has hit the road with his live rendition of Eight-Four-Minute Hate. At a nominal speaking fee of $40,000, audience members get a chance to spew their contempt for Rove in a public forum.

Such was the case at the UI when Rove took the stage and was greeted by a chorus of boos and cheers. The latter consisted of Rove’s supporters, who not only came to see Rove but to hate on the haters. The evening’s hate fest went something like this:

Heckler shouts question at Rove, who responds by attacking the question, followed by more attacks from the audience, thus inspiring Rove to attack the questioner, which drew applause from his supporters, which drew boos from his haters, and the cycle repeated itself as the hate momentarily subsided until the next round of hate began.

The Architect’s plan was working. Rove had become a performance artist reminiscent of comedian Andy Kaufman, who exploited hate mongering for monetary gain. When Kaufman’s career turned to professional wrestling, in particular wrestling women, his target audience grew a certain disdain for him, yet paid to see him perform anyhow.

Andy Kaufman wrestles a 327 pound woman



Rove has adopted the same formula, but in order for this formula to be successful, you need an audience.

The UI community provided just that as members of the UI Anti-War Committee staged protests beforehand, local peace activists attempted to conduct a citizen arrest of Rove, and random audience members used the event to voice their unsolicited disdain during the Eighty-Four-Minute Hate.

And like a clown at a carnival dunk tank, Rove egged on the audience and made fun of the hecklers, oftentimes forgetting that he’s not a trained professional comedian. His attempts at witticism never rose too far above the coping crutches of the I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I caliber. The same could be true for some of the comments shouted at him from the hate groundlings, thus perpetuating the hate cycle and negating any possibility of an intelligent discourse. Granted, the latter would put a damper on Rove’s new shtick, driving down his market value on the college lecture circuit.

If the anti-Rove movement really wanted to make a statement, they should have silenced him by not showing up or attacked him with a surge of love. The profit margin for espousing love is nominal at best, unless of course you are Hallmark.

Filling up the IMU only serves to legitimize Rove and verbally attacking him plays into his hands, not to mention it does little to end the war in Iraq.

Hopefully, Rove’s lecture appearance at the UI will serve as a blueprint for what not to do for future colleges that plan on paying him to come speak at their respective institutions. The best way to usurp Rove’s power is by turning off the Eighty-Four-Minute Hate.

After all, just because Big Brother is watching doesn’t mean we have to.

(Click. White Noise.)

Tracy Morgan Serves Up “Bitch” Retort to Tina Fey’s Hillary Endorsement

The battle of words in the Democratic nomination race took a new turn during last night’s episode of “Saturday Night Live” as the battle between former SNL cast members heated up.

At a loss for words, I’ll let the video clip speaks for itself.

Tacy Morgan Commentary on SNL’s “Weekend Update”:



This begs the question: “If a bear gets bitch-slapped in the woods, does it make a sound?”

Will McCain ‘Denounce’ and ‘Reject’ Bush’s Endorsement?

Like young misguided lust, political campaigns can be such “sweet sorrow,” especially when it comes to endorsements. Bush, whose disapproval rating has nearly bottomed out, save those still on the White House Payroll (including Iowa’s very own Jimmy the Hustler), invited John SIDNEY McCain over for tea and crumpets before dropping an endorsement bomb on John-Boy’s head.

“Bomb, bomb, bomb…bomb, bomb McCain's bid…”

At one point during their political tryst, Sydney and Walker were spotted walking and holding hands en route to the White House garden. Caught unawares by a White House photographer, the two pulled their hands away like a couple of fifth graders who everyone in the school knew were “going with each other,” but tried to conceal their public displays of affection nonetheless -- fearing they may get caught and everybody would find out what they already knew (see pic above).

Despite the political airs put on by Sydney and Walker, which culminated with the exchange of their political vows, the Democrats were not fooled by their convenient reconciliation. The Democrat attack machine took a Herculean approach to the newly forged alliance and used the occasion to warn voters about the latest Neocon-Hydra Monster (aka John SIDNEY* McCain) lurking in the political cesspools surrounding D.C.

Knowing full well that cutting Bush’s head off will merely result in two heads growing back, the Democrats had to devise a new plan of attack: “A Surge of Liberals!”

McCain: McSame as Bush

Jump the Shark: Clinton’s Grassroots Movement Becomes Parody of Itself?

Maybe Hillary Just Hillary’s top-down campaign strategy of keeping a tight leash on any semblance of a grassroots movement wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Letting go can be very dangerous, and it looks like her grassroots peeps had their jump-the-shark moments in the YouTube world. (Jump the Shark: an allusion to the moment during the TV series, “Happy Days,” in which the Fonz jumped a shark on waterskis (see video below). Verb: For something, often a television show, to have a significant storyline development whose ridiculousness or incredibility signifies that the series has lost its previous quality.)

Fonzie Jumps the Shark



In what appears to be an attempt to rival Obama’s grassroots video, “Yes We Can,” Hillary Just Hillary’s across-the-river grassroots camp made its own set of videos. After several viewings, Political Fallout’s investigative video team (the very same team which has been analyzing “recent” Osama bin Laden tapes to determine if it is indeed bin Laden or an unemployed actor from LA named Gary) has yet to determine whether the Hillary-inspired videos are parodies of pop culture songs or merely parodies of themselves. (Note: Both videos have been sent over to England, where they are currently being used for “Operation Clockwork Orange” -- an experiment trying to reverse behavioral disorders among London’s unruly droogs.)

We’ve juxtaposed the videos with actual parody videos, hoping you, dear readers, can give us any insight into the sources and/or intent of these videos. (Warning: Viewer discretion is advised and Political Fallout cannot be held responsible for the destruction of anyone’s aesthetic sensibilities due to viewing any one of these videos in its entirety. View at your own risk.)

Hillary & Hillary



PINE - Laverne & Shirley Theme



Hillary 4U&Me



The Chaser Decides "The Jackson 5 ABC" Parody

How Will Clinton Spin Out of Potomac Spanking Machine?

The results from the Beltway are rolling in: Snap! Crackle! Pop!

No, our beloved little Rice Krispies’ friends aren’t projecting tonight’s winners, rather, that was the crisp staccato of the political spanking machines reverberating across Virginia, Maryland, and the District of Columbia

Now that Clinton’s Dynamic-Duo, Patti Doyle Solis and Mike Henry have stepped down (“Wonder-twin powers form into the political byproduct of a top-down campaign!”), to spend more time with their families I presume, the big question is how the Clinton Campaign will spin their way out the Potomac Spanking Machine: Snap! Crackle! Pop!

Here’s a glimpse into some possible spin scenarios:

Spin No. 1: Of course we lost the Potomac vote by such a wide margin; this clearly shows that Obama truly is the Establishment candidate. What next: Wisconsin, Hawaii, Texas, Ohio, Pennsylvania? Don’t worry, we’re on to Obama and his follow-the-yellow-brick-road establishment strategy. In the meantime:

PLEASE DONATE NOW!!!

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 2: Despite what the exit polls are saying, we’re winning the Dunkin Donut vote!

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 3: People of Metropolis, this is no time to panic. What happens in a smoke-filled room at convention, stays in a smoke-filled room at convention (uproarious applause).

Look (points up to the sky): it’s a bird, no it’s a plane…why no, it’s Superdelegate!

(Note: this product-placement spin was bought and paid for by the Democratic Leadership Corporation, where "Moderate" is no longer a dirty word.)

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 4: Endorsing Hope is so five minutes ago…

You spin me right round baby, like a record baby, right round…

Spin No. 5: ‘Tis a minor scratch, I’ve had much worse.

Obama “Yes We Can” Music Video Makes Hillary Cry

During a rare, off-camera, and unscripted moment on the eve of Super Tuesday, Hillary Just Hillary teared up while watching the newly released Obama music video, “Yes We Can.”

Yes We Can - Barack Obama Music Video



Why Hillary Just Hillary teared up remains a mystery, but Political Fallout has speculated as to why the former first lady’s tear ducts may have sprung a minor leak:

5. Senior Campaign Advisor Mark Penn, no relationship to Sean, had just informed his boss that Obama had out-raised her by $18 million in January

4. Video stoked fond memories of a training film produced at Wal-Mart while she served as its first female member (1986-1992). The training video instructed employees on how to resist unionizing efforts with a proven call-and-response technique:

Call: "Can We Bust ‘Em!?"

Response: “Yes We Can!”

3. The Black Eyed Peas will.i.am always make Hillary Just Hillary cry

2. Video reminded her of Bob the Builder episode when Farmer Pickels, despite the efforts of Bob and Wendy’s “Yes-We-Can” optimism, lost his family farm during the agribusiness boon in the ‘90s -- spearheaded by Slick Willy and the Corporate Pigs.

1. Now regrets having cast an absentee vote for herself in New York

Karl Rove Comes Out of Burrow, Sees Shadow: 10 More Months of Fear!

As if on cue, Karl Rove reared his head on Groundhogs’ Day, saw his shadow and predicted “Lots of surprises lie ahead…” (sinister laugh here, eventually drowned out by the sound of Rove stuffing his cheeks with walnuts)

From an op-ed piece in “Newsweek”

“…Maybe we are not seeing the crackup of the GOP. Rather, America is more likely to be at the start of an intense and exciting election. The contest will be hard fought, the actions of the candidates each day hugely significant. It's far too early to draw sweeping conclusions about the health of either party; the presidential race, after all, has barely begun. Lots of surprises lie ahead…”

This is not the first time Rove emerged on Groundhogs’ Day to make a campaign prediction while evoking an undercurrent of fear. I captured the Rovian Groundhog experience on my debut blog, “Witsend Here” in 2006:

The Satiric Press – On Friday, D.C. Karl emerged from his burrow where he’d been hibernating for the past few months, saw his shadow, and predicted 10 more months of fear for the remainder of the political campaign season. Karl Rove, White House Chief of Staff and the President’s top political advisor, made his prediction in front of a prescreened audience of loyal Republican followers. “The United States faces a ruthless enemy," Rove said, "and national security will be the preeminent issue of this years’ campaign.”

The last time D.C. Karl saw his shadow and predicted 10 more months of fear was in 2004, and as it turned out, Karl was right. The unprecedented campaign of fear in 2004 helped President Bush win his reelection bid. While both predictions hinged on the fear of terrorism, the 2004 prediction took a two-pronged fear forecast by throwing homophobia into the mix by way of gay marriage.

There was no doubt as to whether D.C. Karl saw his shadow, for it eclipsed the entire Washington, D.C., area and eastern portions of Virginia. According to Jan Jorgensen, an astronomy professor at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, “I was in the laboratory making my daily calculations when the sky unexpectedly blackened. I thought for sure we had experienced a partial eclipse of the sun. It wasn’t until later in the day that I heard on the news that it was D.C. Karl’s shadow. Then it all made sense.” Startled by the ominous girth of his own shadow, D.C. Karl was reported to have fled his inaugural speaking engagement (see photo) before he could fully outline his fear forecast.