Thursday, February 8, 2007

Edwards Wins ‘Fallout’s First “Duh” Award

In the perpetual “War on Bloggers” it looks like the Edwards’ Campaign had its first political casualties: Amanda Marcotte (formerly of Pandagon) and Melissa McEwan (Shakespeare’s Sister). A virtual vigil for the fallen bloggers has been scheduled for 5 'o'clock, blogsphere time.

In honor of their brave blogspheric sacrifices, Political Fallout has established the “Duh” Award, which will honor people, politicians, groups, political factions, or any other entity whose actions merit a “Duh, what were you thinking?”* response from any member of the blogsphere community. Another factor that will be considered during the “Duh” Award vetting process is how the candidate responded to the controversy, especially if the nominee acts genuinely surprised. For example, when MTV producers acted surprised when they had Andrew Dice Clay appear on their awards’ show and the Diceman used vulgarity as a part of his comedic bit. “Duh, what were you thinking?” Or when organizers invited Stephen Colbert to present at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner and were surprised when Colbert actually roasted the President. “Duh, what were you thinking?”

Without further adieu, we would like to present to you the first winner of the Political Fallout “Duh” Award:

Winner: The John Edwards’ Campaign

“Duh, what were you thinking?”: For hiring two straight-talking bloggers known for speaking their minds and using “colorful” language to skewer their subjects, and for being surprised when straight-talking Catholic Leaguer, Bill Donohue, spoke His mind and accused the bloggers of using “colorful,” anti-Catholic language -- skewering the bloggers by calling them “anti-Catholic vulgar trash-talking bigots.” (Ahh, I do love the smell of irony in the morning…)

Nonetheless, had the Edwards’ Campaign carefully vetted their netroot hired hands more carefully, Edwards wouldn’t be in such a “pickle.” (see Runner-Up) I can only imagine the help- wanted ad the Edwards’ Campaign will run to find replacements for the fallen, assuming he drops the hatchet:

WANTED: Clean Professional Blogger and Vice Presidential Candidate

We’re looking for a clean individual who would be responsible for running the olive-branched netroots component of the presidential campaign. Any applicant who survives the recently updated vetting process will automatically be added to the Vice Presidential pool of potential running mates, should Edwards win the Democratic nomination. Qualified applicants must be articulate, clean, and presentable to the mainstream. Furthermore, applicants must have NO documented history of expressing biased opinions, use of sarcasm and/or tongue-in-cheek humor, or living alone for any extended period of time.

Runner-Up: The National Football League (Attn: Superbowl Half-Time Producers)

“Duh, what were you thinking?”: For hiring Prince to perform this year’s Superbowl halftime show and acting surprised that Prince would use sophomoric shadow puppetry to highlight his extended guitar phallic symbol. During a guitar solo in his “Purple Rain” performance, Prince stood behind a white bed sheet while a light captured the silhouette casted by his figure and extended guitar. The moment produced phallic connotations for some critics who argue Prince not only gave CBS a big “suck on this” but managed to escape unblemished. C’mon folks, do you really think Prince’s symbolic Freudian use of “Purple Rain” was actually rain that’s purple?
*“Duh, what were you thinking?” has been adopted and trademarked by Political Fallout as one of its official catch phrases. Anyone who uses this phrase, without thoroughly compensating Political Fallout, will be served papers from the Political Fallout legal team, suing them for “unfair use." (“Duh, what were you thinking?”)
Update: John Edwards released the following statement on his campaign site: “The tone and the sentiment of some of Amanda Marcotte's and Melissa McEwan's posts personally offended me. It's not how I talk to people, and it's not how I expect the people who work for me to talk to people. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that kind of intolerant language will not be permitted from anyone on my campaign, whether it's intended as satire, humor, or anything else. But I also believe in giving everyone a fair shake. I've talked to Amanda and Melissa; they have both assured me that it was never their intention to malign anyone's faith, and I take them at their word. We're beginning a great debate about the future of our country, and we can't let it be hijacked. It will take discipline, focus, and courage to build the America we believe in.”

Did Edwards just call Bill Donohue et. al. “hijackers”?

No satire? (sound of me tearing up completed blogger application for Edwards’ campaign)
Duh, what was I thinking?


Gark said...

Edwards gets the double "duh"--you can't announce your campaign in the 9th Ward when you are simultaneously building a house the size of Disney World back home.

I'm glad to see I wasn't the only one who was appreciative of His Royal Purpleness's artistic statement at the Subpar Bowl.

Aldon Hynes said...

It looks like you're a little behind on the news. Contrary to the unsourced rumors that Salon reported on, the Edwards campaign is keeping the two bloggers.

Statement on Campaign Bloggers

As to whether or not people who are successful should be able to build nice houses while at the same time helping poor people, we would be better off if more wealthy people would help the poor.

Anonymous said...

I think that's why there's an "update" to the post. I'm glad he did keep the bloggers on board. I wish Edwards would have done it a little sooner and went after the source a little as well.