Rep. King Exposes “Iraqnophobia,” Blames Pirates for War

During the U.S. House debate on the resolution disapproving the president’s proposed troop surge to Iraq, Iowa’s Political Master of Horror, Steve King, used his five-minute bit to expose laden signs of “Iraqnophobia,” blaming the War in Iraq on Barbary pirates.

Famed Barbary Pirate and founder of Fundamental Terrorism, Aruj Barbarossa, was last seen pillaging oil in the Caspian Sea and selling captured Christians to insurgent forces in Pakistan. Intelligence reports that he's extremely dangerous and not to be fooled by his pirate charm.

Iraqnophobia is a specific strand of Xenophobia (fear or dislike of foreigners) which denotes an abnormal and irrational fear of Iraq. The fear is based on the irrational notion that Iraq is the gateway to Armageddon and that an epic battle for Democracy must be waged until the very end, or the “war on terror” will spread worldwide, toppling Democracy and freedom everywhere in its path. Iraqnophobia is, in many cases, the result of a traumatizing encounter with a fundamentalist religion in one’s early childhood, when one is indoctrinated with a rigid adherence to a set of principles and intolerance of all other views. One view held in “evolutionary psychology” is that sufferers might gain some survival edge by avoiding the dangers of their phobia’s source, regardless of the actual. Iraq, for example, is relatively small in the global scheme and didn’t pose a major terrorist threat until the U.S. intervened, but an Iraqnophobe will do anything, sparing no effort to destroy the source of its phobia.

Based on this definition, it’s clear Steve King is suffering from Iranophobia. As a means of attempting to destroy the irrational fears precipitated by Iraqnophobia, King has made yet another desperate cry for help.

His latest plea came on the House floor when he attempted to make the case for the War on Iraq by trying to connect the dots all the way back to 1786 and the Barbary Pirates:

In 1786, two diplomats, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams, went over there to meet with them, and their idea was, we will be able to talk them into peace.

Well, they talked to them all right, and the representative of the Barbary pirates, Mr. Sidi Haji Abdul Rahman Adja, responded to them, and this is in the Congressional Record from Thomas Jefferson’s report. He asked him, why do you fight us, why do you attack us, why do you kill us?

We have done nothing hostile towards you. His answer was, It is founded on the laws of our Prophet. It was written in the Koran. All nations who should not have acknowledged their authority were sinners, that it was their right and duty to make war upon them wherever they could be found and to make slaves of all they could not take as prisoners, and that every Muslim who should be slain in battle was sure to go to Paradise.

Aaaarrrggg, I knew it was those cursed Barbary Pirates who started the War in Iraq.

A group of good Christians abducted by Barbary pirates and sold into slavery pose for a Barbarian Pirate video. The captives were forced to display an emblem of their captors, recite passages from the Koran, renounce Christianity, and urge Congressional delegates to end the War in Iraq.