Somebody who feels compelled to publicly announce they’ve found Jesus and made Him his personal savior makes me really nervous, especially if that somebody is a politician running for office. (e.g. George W. Bush)
During the GOP debate in Des Moines this past Sabbath Day, the candidates were asked to confess a defining mistake in their lives and why. Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo stepped up to the plate and swung for the Holy fence.
Tancredo’s Defining Mistake: “It took me 30 years before I realized Jesus Christ is my personal savior.”
Now, I realize that people confess they found Jesus as a means of whiting out any moral ambiguities, indiscretions, and/or mistakes they may have made in the past, but this is not what really scares me. It’s what they do after they publicly announce their new relationship with Jesus Christ in front of a nationally televised audience that sends apocalyptic shivers down my spine.
Tancredo is no exception to this post-I-found-Jesus-and-made-him-my-personal-savior phenomenon. Similar to Bush Jr., I’m fairly certain Tancredo hasn’t read the "Dummy’s Guide to Making Jesus Your Own Personal Savior" from cover to cover.
Better yet, Tancredo may want to revisit (or visit assuming he hasn’t read it) the “Old Testament” before joining a book club with Jesus. So when Tancredo made Jesus his personal savior, was it a two-way street? I’m wondering if Jesus had any say in the matter, but the point is really moot, since Jesus loves and accepts all mankind—yes, even Tancredo.
A spiritual source with Political Fallout did manage to intercept a memo sent from Jesus to Tancredo under the newly adopted FISA guidelines -- which permits the government to intercept messages from any entities outside the United States (i.e. Heaven) that are deemed a threat to American Imperialism and the spread of Democracy.
TO: Rep. Tom Tancredo, R.-Colo.
FROM: Jesus, Savior of Mankind
SUBJECT: Personal Savior Status
While watching the GOP debate on the day set aside for praising my father and only my father, it came to my attention that you had found Me and made Me your personal savior. Although flattered, I don’t recall making this pact and after combing through my files, I found no record of you finding Me. Maybe you could help out by refreshing my memory and letting me know the precise date I became your personal savior. Hopefully, there’s just been a bureaucratic lapse on our end. You’d be amazed how many things get lost through the bureaucratic cracks up here. I mean, how else do you think Bush got elected not once, but twice?
Another thing, if our records do indicate that you have achieved saved status, I’d suggest you read my biography, “The New Testament,” so I know we’re on the same page. (After all, in this modern age of marketing and product branding, I do have to protect my image and how it’s used.) For example, there’s the bit about loving your neighbor as you love yourself. Well, Tom, I really meant those words. They weren’t meant to be taken at a literal level, meaning just love the folks on your street or in your neighborhood. Rather, I was speaking metaphorically and by neighbors, I meant mankind. Comprende, Senor Tancredo?
So, if we’re going to continue our relationship, I want you to promise me that you’ll stop treating your neighbors to the south like sub-humans who are hell bent on coming to your country to destroy your way of life by killing every one in their path. This is no way to treat my dad’s creations. If he gets a whiff of this, there will be hell to pay. Oh, and please stop threatening to blow up Mecca and other holy shrines to serve as a deterrent to war. Trust me, there are other ways to deter war, but I’m sure you’ve familiarized yourself with these teachings when you read my biography.
Like I said, I’ll look into my files for records indicating your saved status. In the meantime, be sure to send us a record of when you found Me, so my staff can update our records up here.
P.S. As a gesture for considering Me to be your personal savior, I would like to send you one of my bumper stickers. I’ll send you your choice of the ever-popular “W.W.J.D?,” “What Would Jesus Bomb?” (BTW, I’m being ironic here, Tom: LOL:) or my personal favorite “Look Busy, Jesus is Coming.” Just let me know in your daily prayers, and I’ll get it to you as soon as possible.
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