Friday, November 17, 2006

Nussle & Bush: Two Lame Ducks in a Limo

Jim Nussle and his adoptive father, President Bush, share a limousine ride back to D.C. after Nussle’s defeat in the Iowa Governor race. During the road trip, the two exchanged playful limericks, before engaging in an intellectual discourse about their lame-duck status. The following excerpts come from their unofficial transcript:

Lame-Duck Limericks

Climbing Nussle’s Ladder, by George W. Bush

There once was a man from Manchester,
Who made his living as a hustler;
When he came home to roost,
Looking for a presidential boost,
He was rubber stamped: “Return to Sender.”

The Lame-Duck Decider, by Jim Nussle

There once was a hell-bent “Decider,”
For failed policies he was quite a fighter.
He rode into Iowa, guns a blazing,
And tried firin’ up the Right Wing;
Shot down by voters, his crusade had backfired.

The Lame-Duck Minority Blues, written and performed as a duet by Jim and George

They descended from the pearly gates of D.C.,
In an attempt to bankrupt Democracy;
Despite the Bush sightings,
Iowans weren’t biting:
Humbled, they hobbled home to their new minority.

Begin Lame-Duck discourse:

Bush: Well, Jim, now you’re lame, just like me.

Nussle: True George, but you’re lamer.

Bush: Naw Jimmy, you’re lamer.

Nussle: You’re lamer than lame.

Bush: But I’m still the “Decider,” and I decide you’re lamer.

Nussle: But I’m only lame for a couple more months, not a couple of years like you lame-boy.
Bush: Don’t call me lame boy, lame boy.

Nussle: Lame Boy!

Bush: You’re the lame boy!

Nussle: Lame Boy!

Bush: As your Commander in Chief, I order you to stop calling me lame boy!

Nussle: Lame boy!

Bush: Don’t make me order the limo driver pull over!

Nussle: Lame boy!

Bush: No, you’re the lame boy……

This back and forth rhetorical discourse managed to stay the course all the way to Ohio, at which point, Lame-Duck President Bush ordered his driver to reroute their course, making sure they drove around Ohio and any other blues states on their way to D.C.