Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Straight Talkin’ McCain Declares “War on Bloggers”

It appears Senator John McCain did not heed Jimmy the Hustler’s advice when his political posse commandeered Jim Nussle’s dispossessed campaign headquarters in Urbandale:

Get out! This office is possessed by demons hell bent on destroying those who attempt to dance with the Christian Right. If you don’t believe me, just ask Jim. Get out before it’s too late. If you choose to stay, I suggest leading with the left.

Since then, McCain has been leading with the right and has decided to leave NOTHING to chance in his bid to be the next President of the United States:

First he attempted to court the Christian Right by jumping into bed with Jerry Falwell and hired one of his former staffers to complete the Christian Right threesome.

Then he hired a smear-campaign specialist, Terry Nelson, to be his national campaign manager. This is the man behind the phone-jamming case in New Hampshire and the more notable “Harold, call me!” ad campaign, which smeared Harold Ford in his senatorial bid in Tennessee.

If this wasn’t enough, McCain has lovingly embraced Henry Kissinger, naming him Honorary Co-Chair for his presidential campaign in New York:

John and Henry were sitting in a tree:
First comes Iraq, then comes escalation,
Then comes Civil War and economic devastation.

When McCain was recently asked about his relationship with Kissinger, he said, “I’m not at all embarrassed about it; I’m proud of it.” (Aside: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

A surprised Henry Kissinger and John McCain were caught discussing "Straight Talk" behind closed doors.

And now America’s favorite P.O.W. has set his vengeful sites on a target so insidious, the mere mention of its name could prove detrimental to the fate of “Political Fallout.” An unbridled foe that has been linked to the breakdown of moral fiber in America, the increase of child pornography and sexual predators, high gas prices, Katrina, the War in Iraq, global terrorism, the viability of free speech, Britney Spears’s second divorce, politicians who exploit children to enact politicized legislation, global warming, and worst of all, the Democrat’s takeover of both the House and the Senate.

No folks, I’m not talking about rampant ignorance, I’m talking about something exponentially more evil, quite possibly the fourth “Axis of Evil;” I’m talking about (gasp): Bloggers.

McCain’s drafted proposal, called the “Stop the Online Exploitation of Our Children Act,” aims to cut down the perpetuation of child pornography on the Internet. Albeit a worthy initiative, but McCain is ironically exploiting the exploitation of exploited children to underhandedly declare a “War on Bloggers” by limiting and/or eliminating open discussions on blogs.

Here are some of the highlights of the legislation found on “Think Progress”:

- Commercial websites and personal blogs “would be required to report illegal images or videos posted by their users or pay fines of up to $300,000.”

- Internet service providers (ISPs) are already required to issue such reports, but under McCain’s legislation, bloggers with comment sections may face “even stiffer penalties” than ISPs.

- Social networking sites will be forced to take “effective measures” — such as deleting user profiles — to remove any website that is “associated” with a sex offender. Sites may include not only Facebook and MySpace, but also, which permits author profiles and personal lists, and blogs like DailyKos, which allows users to sign up for personal diaries.

So Ol’ John Boy wants to regulate comments on blogs, eh? What are you really scared of, Straight Talkin’ Johnny? The Truth?

Since McCain has taken the initiative and drawn first blood, I have three words for you, Straight Talkin’ Johnny: “Bring it on!” Political Fallout has officially declared a “War on McCain.”

To get things started, it’s apt we return fire by using the comment option below to return fire and mock the enemy.

We’ll call this first stage of the campaign: “Keep on Mockin’ in the Free World.” Take arms and leave your comments. If you’re having trouble “getting’ your mock on,” use some of the following springboards to help jumpstart your mockery skills:

McCain’s chances of becoming Presdient are about as good as…

McCain, Falwell, and Kissinger walked into a bar and the bartender said…

What do you get when you cross McCain with (choose one) Henry Kissinger, Jerry Falwell, a 200-pound Guerilla?

There once was a man from Arizona…

How many lightbulbs does it take…


Ron said...

John McCain's Mama is so poor if she moved to Chad she would lower the Average Income.

Is that too high brow?

John McCain's Mama is so fat she has midgets in orbit around her.

John McCain's Mama is so high Marvin Gaye couldn't get over her to Tammi Terrell

T.M. Lindsey said...

Straight Talkin’ Express-
Shuns freedom of expression:
Blog “War on McCain!”

Enjoy your freedoms while they last.