Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Giuliani & Nussle Hustlin’ in a Tree…

It looks likes Jimmy the Hustler’s coming home to roost, pimping his political wares for Rudy Giuliani, who named Nussle as a key supporter and advisor on his exploratory committee. Apparently Giuliani was impressed with Nussle’s failed bid to win Iowa’s governorship when he lost by 100,000 votes to Governor Culver: “Nussle brings valuable skills and a strong political track record in the state where precinct caucuses traditionally launch the presidential nominating season.” Philosophically, these two politicians make unlikely bedfellows, unless of course you throw adultery into the mix; here’s where they both have some common ingredients to help build a viable and meaningful relationship.

Meanwhile, at the Political Fallout Headquarters I received an e-mail from my former collaborator and good friend, Jimmy the Hustler:

Dear T.M.,

Guess who’s coming to dinner? Newt Gingrich? Nope, but close. Think adultery. You guessed it: Rudy Giuliani. (pause to let shock settle in) I thought Jimbo was going to hold out for the Newtster, but in Jimbo’s new enterprise, Navigating Strategies, the moral compass always points to $. By the way, the compass logo was my idea. If anybody needs help finding himself, it’s Jimbo. And when he starts looking inward, maybe some day he’ll find yours truly, Jimmy the Hustler. Pretty clever, eh?

I hope your new blog, “Political Fallout,” is going well. I miss the “Nussle and Flow” days. Speaking of which, I wrote a quick lullaby parody. Any chance you could post it on your blog?

Nussle and Rudy, sittin’ in an adult tree:
First comes money, then comes marriage,
Then comes Hypocrisy in a baby carriage.

Take care, T.M., and be sure to stay in touch. Now that the hustle's back on, I imagine we’ll be crossing paths more often.

Yours Truly,
Jimmy the Hustler

While reminiscing and surfing Jimmy's old site, I stumbled upon the following post, "Nussle Rules Out Career as Political Prognosticator," appeared on "Nussle and Flow" the Saturday before Nussle's resounding defeat:

In case you are wondering, Jim Nussle is on the left. It appears "H & C" failed to recognize Jim, despite all the bright green Nussle signs in the background.

We all know that Jim has problems with fuzzy math, and when he uses these numbers to predict the future, his fuzzy math is merely exacerbated. The day before the election, Nussle appeared on the FOX News show, “Hannity and Colmes,” with fellow Republican Adulterer, Rudolph Giuliani (I mean c’mon folks, anybody named after Rudolph Valentino, “The Great Latin Lover,” is predestined to be a major player. Watch and see as he brings his A-game hustle to Iowa when he makes a run for the next president).

During the interview, Colmes confronted Nussle with the poll numbers from "The Des Moines Register," which indicated he trailed Culver by nine percentage points. Nussle shot back, “Don’t bet on the polls, Alan. Be careful…The Democrats bet on the polls last time, and they lost the election nationally….”

Unlike Colmes, who responded he doesn’t bet on polls and he’s not a betting man, I am a betting man. Any hustler who is in touch with his inner-pimp is a betting man. That’s the only way to keep the hustle alive, breathing steadily, until your next mark shows up and the hustle swings into rhetorical action.

The moment I heard Jim say this on FOX News, I contacted my bookie and bet the spread. I bet everything, and what do you know, “The Des Moines Register” was spot on. Thanks to Jimbo, I have a golden parachute to land with in January when Jim abandons me for the lobbying world -- which remind me of another lesson I learned in the world of hustling: Always have a “Plan B”tucked under your sleeve, because it’s hard out there for a pimp, eh Rudy?

(Be very careful ladies, one of these "Great Lovers" is coming to Iowa in an attempt to woo you and your vote. Keep your doors locked and don't answer any unauthorized numbers, for both men are said to be armed with an indefensible sex appeal and are to be considered dangerous.)

Update: Guess what, Ladies? They're Heeeere...