Top 5 Things John McCain Would NOT Do to Win the Presidency (v. 1)

Last week, John McCain’s Straight Panderin’ Express jumped the track yet again, proving that McCain will say just about anything to win the '08 presidential election. After dropping a bomb on Rumsfled (yes, the misspelling is intentional), McCain unleashed his unchecked bravado upon big Dick.

McCain feels full extent of Cheney's sexually repressed powers as big Dick attempts to squeeze presidential life out of John

Now if you’re looking for a thoroughly documented account of what McCain is willing to do to win, go to “The Real McCain.” We at Political Fallout prefer the bigger challenge of speculating on what McCain will NOT do to win the presidency. This leads to the first rendition of:

The Top 5 Things John McCain Would NOT* Do (for Cheney) to Win the Presidency:

5. Wear his “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt while caddying for Dick on an Afghanistan golf course

4. Stop thinking of Dick when playing “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…” while tearing off G.I. Joe heads from his extensive collection

3. Make a spiritual trek to Oz to buy Dick’s heart back from local pawn shop

2. Dress up in Darth Vader costume and perform lap dance for Dick

1. Father Lynne Cheney’s second child (unless of course Dick told him to do it)

*Should John McCain do any of these things between now and the Presidential Election, Political Fallout cannot be held responsible for John Boy’s actions.