Bayh’s "Run to the Middle” Ends Before Passing “Go”

The Democratic Leadership Corporation’s very own poster boy for “centrism,” Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana, announced he would no longer pursue his long-shot presidential candidacy in 2008. “The odds were always going to be very long for a relatively unknown candidate like myself, a little bit like David* and Goliath,**” Bayh said in a statement, further postulating, “whether there were too many Goliaths or whether I’m just not the right David.*** At the end of the day, I concluded that due to circumstances beyond our control**** the odds were longer than I felt I could possibly pursue.”
* David = Tom Vilsack, Joe Biden, Christopher Dodd, Dennis Kucinich, Wes Clark

** Goliath = Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Barak Obama

*** The Right David = the Media

**** Circumstances beyond our control = Barak Obama: Bayh’s appearance in New Hampshire last weekend drew little notice, while Obama gave two speeches to sold-out crowds of people and reporters. Overshadowed by Obama’s current rock-star status, Bayh was relegated to touring the county fair circuit.


In related news:

William "the Refrigerator" Perry has already signed on to play Barak Obama in the film, "David vs. Goliath: The Democratic Primaries." The film is set to be released in early January of 2008.

Presidential Hopeful Bayh Warns Democrats About Being Too Democratic

On the heels of forming a presidential exploratory committee, the Democratic Leadership Poster Boy, Evan Bayh, issued a warning to Congressional Democrats:

I WANT YOU to be very, very careful about being too Democratic. This is not the time for partisan politics, ideology, or representing your constituents and their ideologies. All I am saying… is “Give Centrism a Chance!” Top 5 Signs the Democrats are Being Too Democratic:

5. Voters can begin telling the difference between Republicans and Democrats

4. Merriam Webster adds “rule by the people” back to its dictionary

3. Sales of the K-Street version of Monopoly plummet

2. Ralph Nader announces he won’t make another run for President

1. The DLC (Democratic Leadership Corporation) files for Bankruptcy