Wednesday, November 22, 2006

King to Vacation in Iraq for Thanksgiving Holidays

Iowa’s Master of Political Horror, Rep. Steve King, announced he was planning to make his fourth trip to Iraq to “get away from it all.” Sticking to his claim that the streets of Baghdad are safer than those of Washington, D.C., King decided he needed a taxpayer-financed vacation to help him relax and get in touch with himself before the Democrats took control of the House in January.

To help protect the people of Iraq, King’s aides said they would not release the exact dates and itinerary of King’s vacation. Although, an inside source released the following itinerary of events and places Rep. King will likely attend:

The First Annual Green Zone Block Party: King is expected to be one of the keynote speakers and honorary karaoke performer. Word has it he’ll be performing either a rousing rendition of the Clash’s “Should We Stay of Should We Go Now,” or the Talking Heads’ “We’re on a Road to Nowhere.”

A Doctors Without Borders makeshift hospital: located just outside of Baghdad, the makeshift unit serves as a hospital for wounded military personnel and Iraqi civilians. King wants to personally offer his gratitude for they’re unyielding efforts in the Democracy Crusades. King also wants to meet with hospital administrators and implement a plan to build giant neon signs that read, “No Insurgents Allowed,” and “Insurgents Will Be Prosecuted to the Fullest Extent of the Law.” The initial response by Iraqi hospital administrators has been lukewarm to King’s idea, namely because he wants all the signs to be in English only. Furthermore, King wants to build a fence around the hospital compound to deter undocumented Iraqi civilians from sneaking in and receiving free medical treatment.

Civil War Denial Intervention: unbeknownst to Rep. Steve King, Iraqi leaders have organized a mass intervention on behalf of the Iowa Congressman. Organizers have amassed military leaders on all sides of the spectrum to help King face his precipitating illusions of grandeur and take the first step in publicly admitting that Iraq is entrenched in a Civil War. A party, catered by a Halliburton subsidiary, is expected to follow King’s outing.