Thursday, November 30, 2006

Rep. Steve King Wants to Protect “Precious Bodily Fluids”

Renown General Jack D. Ripper (left) once said: “…Today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.”

In order to protect his own precious bodily fluids -- as well as the bodily fluids of his wife, three sons, wealthy campaign contributors, Christian Right Hawks, and anybody else who thinks we should keep sending more troops to Iraq but is unwilling to donate their own precious fluids to the global war effort – Rep. Steve King thinks the U.S. military should be expanded by 100,000 to 150,000 troops to help relieve the long-term burden on those already sacrificing their precious bodily fluids in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Rejecting Rep. Charles Rangle’s (D-NY) calling for a reinstatement of the draft, King contends we need to step up military recruitment efforts, suggesting there could be “adjustments” to incentives and wages to attract more precious bodily fluids to the military.
“Perhaps we could get some recruiters on some of those campuses like maybeHarvard University, where outside the gates George Washington received hiscommission to command the Continental Army,” said King.

Perhaps, we could get some recruiters to focus their sights on:

The steps of Capitol Hill, where our forefather provided Congress with the power to declare war, although this power, like the truth, has become obsolete.

The U.S./Mexican border, where thousands of Minutemen are gathered (and already armed) to protect us from illegal immigrants who want to steal our jobs, not our precious bodily fluids. Using the Minuteman’s own slogan, “Americans doing the jobs Congress won’t do,” military recruiters will not only already share common ground with these passionate vigilantes, but they’ll also save money on marketing expenses.

Christian Mega-Churches, where masses of people gather to worship in God’s arena and cheer on their righteous brethren as they dominate and destroy their enemies.

Republican Think Tanks, or what our Commander in Chief calls “Thought Boxes,” where people get paid lots of money to think inside the box in lieu of fighting in Iraq.

College and NFL football stadiums: see Christian Mega-Churches.

Rep. Steve King’s house in Kiron, Iowa, where King fathered 3 sons, all of which are perfectly capable of donating their own precious bodily fluids to the global War on Terror.