Friday, January 26, 2007

We’re Not Quoteworthy!!!: ‘Fallout’s Weekly Political Revue

John Kerry Announced He Would Not Seek His Party’s Nomination

"John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring will end up stuck in the Senate." (Jay Leno)

Looks like Kerry’s Sugar Mama, Teresa Heinz, put the kibosh on Johnny’s allowance. And who said running for president isn’t an expensive hobby?

Senator John McCain Still “Older than Dirt”

"I am older than dirt and have more scars than Frankenstein." (Senator John McCain -- response to whether or not too old to run for President)

Christopher Rants Caught in the Headlights

“After a late night of debating minimum wage in the House, I was waiting to cross Grand Avenue, one of the busiest roads in Des Moines, when I spotted this deer. I paused for the deer to cross Grand and quickly pulled out my cell phone and snapped a picture. I found this a little ironic considering for numerous years, the DNR has had “interesting” ideas about how to manage the deer population in Iowa and on this particular night, there was a deer nearly in front of the Department offices in downtown Des Moines. In fact, the leading cause of vehicle accidents in the state of Iowa is deer. I’m hoping that a visit from our little furry friend might bring back more discussion of how to appropriately manage the deer population issues we have in our state.” (House Minority Leader Christopher Rants)

(Note: Several studies* show cell phones are a leading cause of car crashes. It is estimated that cell phone distracted drivers are four times more likely to be in a car wreck. According to a Harvard University study, cell phones cause over 200 deaths and half a million injuries each year.)

*These studies do not include statistics related to drivers stopping on busy streets to snap pictures of crossing deer, capturing their unsuspecting images the crossfire of their headlights and cell phone cameras.

Stephen Colbert Threatens Civil Disobedience

If you give Clinton the same doctorate you gave me, I will be forced to burn (my degree) on the air.” (Stephen Colbert – after learning that Bill Clinton will be the commencement speaker at the same college that Colbert was last year.)

Frankenstein Still “Older than McCain"

"I am older than John McCain and have more scars than the Bush Administration. I wish these people would leave me alone and stop bringing me into the limelight.” (Frankenstein – in response to McCain’s rapidly aging analogy)