Not only is Senator John McCain “in to win,” but he’s hired a team of political campaign thugz who can’t wait for the bleeding to begin. McCain, a one-time critic of the negative attack ads which left deep stab wounds in his back after his rumble with the Bush Gang during the 2000 election, is taking no chances or prisoners this time. Johnny’s in for the kill!
The McCain Gang’s first move was to gut the “Straight Talk Express,” replacing it with the “Straight Attack Me and I’ll Rip Your Heart Out and Make You Watch it Beat on YouTube Express.” To show he means business, McCain is selling his soul and integrity on eBay. The bidding on McCain’s integrity started at $1, but no takers thus far. Meanwhile, McCain has had several offers on his soul and has already piecemealed portions of his soul out to the following bidders, hiring them for “protection”:
Mark McKinnon, Russell Schriefer, and Stuart Stevens: made advertisements for George W. Bush in 2000 which distorted McCain’s record.
Advertising Firm, Stevens Reed Curcio & Potholm: made Swift Boat Veterans for Truth advertisement spots which claimed Senator John Kerry had not earned his medals from the Vietnam War.
Terry Nelson: McCain’s national campaign manager and former leader of committee which sponsored an advertisement against Harold Ford of Tennessee. The ad was not only racist, but also implied Ford was sexually promiscuous.
Satan: ruler of the demonic underworld who surfaces every election cycle and serves as the central hub for negative campaigning. Although, since the campaign cycle has evolved into a perpetual cycle, Satan has opened up a permanent headquarters -- where he dispenses evil to the highest bidders.
McCain has also been pitching his soul to Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, and Pat Robertson, but hasn’t received any legitimate bites on his offer.
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