Friday, April 27, 2007

Taking the Gravel Road Less Traveled

The clear winner of last night’s Democrat Presidential “Debate” was, hands down, former Senator Mike Gravel (D-Alaska).
Gravel details his political rebirth, explaining how he metamorphosed from underneath an Alaskan rock, where he'd been hiding for the past 10 years

Why was Gravel the big winner?

Choose the answer that BEST fits:

A) Before last night, most people had never even heard of Mike Gravel, including people who have lived in Alaska their entire lives*
B) He actually answered some of the questions asked with “candor” and “honesty”
C) He had absolutely nothing to lose but his dignity, which, for the sake of Democracy and mankind, he was willing to sacrifice early on**
D) Political pundits have dismissed the legitimacy of his candidacy by calling him “crazy,” which is a prerequisite for running for President in the first place, thus making him a bonefied candidate
E) Usng rhetorical precision skills worthy of Edward Scissorhand, he managed to not only distinguish himself from the other candidates but a “potted plant” as well*
F) Performance may have helped him seal Howard Stern’s endorsement
G) The Sanjaya Effect: Helped shore up his Loser voter base
H) ALL of the above

*In a post-debate interview, when asked where he’d been the last 30 years, Gravel responded, “Living under a rock for the past 10 years.”

**To end the Iraq War, proposed Congress should pass a law that would make it a felony for the Bush administration to continue to prosecute it. (Traditional thinking would indicate that Bush would VETO this bill, but maybe, just maybe, using reverse psychology and tapping into Bush’s hubris reserves, may prove otherwise.)

***In the world of grassroots politics, one should never underestimate the power of the “potted plant.”

A recent Political Fallout poll shows a Ficus Plant leading all GOP presidential contenders in Iowa

For those of you who didn’t get a chance to see Gravel in action, check out the video clip on “Crooks and Liars.”

Best live-blogging depiction of Mike Gravel goes to John Deeth:

“Mike Gravel made Dennis seem positively moderate; There were a few good lines and ideas that would have sounded fine in the calm measured voice of a George McGovern, but his overall tone through the debate seemed to be along the lines of Grandpa telling those darn kids to get the hell off my lawn, saying the other candidates “scared” him.”

After Gravel’s performance debut, I imagine the corporate bi-partisan National Commission on Presidential Debates is carefully sifting though their bylaws, trying to figure out how to create a loophole to silence him. If only our lawmakers implored the same vigilance before voting in favor of the Patriot Act; who knows, maybe Mike Gravel would still be living under a rock in Alaska...