GOP Lawmakers Give ‘Selves ‘Time Out’

(Disclaimer: Above picture is a dramatization. Any likenesses to actual GOP lawmakers is merely coincidental and/or happenstance.)

In an attempt to stall a controversial vote to change Iowa’s collective bargaining laws for public employees, GOP senators gave themselves a “time out” and set themselves to their room. However, unlike Max in “Where the Wild Things Are,” they were not denied their supper. Iowa Independent’s Jay Wagner reports they ordered pizza from Pizza Hut last night and had access to their laptop computers, so they could watch March madness.

I wonder if “Time Outs” were on the table when they negotiated their employment contracts with the state of Iowa and Iowa voters?

Golly, I wish I could give myself a time out, order pizza and watch television on the taxpayer’s dime.

Iowa’s Minority GOP Demands Affirmative Political Action

Senate Republicans are demanding affirmative political action and have accused Governor Culver of regionalism in his Board of Regents appointments. Not one of the appointees is from western Iowa, home of the University of…?

Regionalist Governor Culver announces non-western Iowa Board of Regents to group of non-western Iowa media representatives.

Nobody said living the life of a minority is easy, even in the world of politics. No? Just ask gays, lesbians, bisexual, and transgendered persons in Iowa, who can’t even get basic protections against discrimination added to the state’s civil rights code. And now, having only suffered three harrowing months as the minority party, the Iowa GOP has had enough and intends to stand up for their rights. Senate Republicans have chosen Culver’s Board of Regents appointments as their target, and the epic battle for equality will take place in the Senate chamber. Unless of course Governor Culver is willing to concede one of his appointees before the battle begins, preferably throwing a Democrat under the GOP’s gauntlet. Better that than getting run over by Senator McCain's Straight Talkin' Pandering bus, I suppose.

Armed with her Gel Pen of Justice, Senate Minority Leader Mary Lundby is leading the historic charge, decrying: "We will insist that we have a western Iowa regent, preferably someone who is a physician.We would like to send a very clear message to the governor that we expect a western Iowa appointment. The concern about the regents not having a western Iowa regent is still a very strong concern." I wonder how Iowa’s Lundby would react if Culver appointed a gay physician from western Iowa?

Geographically, the four appointees hail from Des Moines, West Des Moines, Cedar Rapids, and Brooklyn. While central and eastern Iowa is represented, while the western part of the state gets the shaft. But so do the northern and southern regions. Not to mention all four corners of Iowa and Jim Nussle’s ubiquitous fifth corner were neglected by our Regionalist Governor.

It’s a good thing Iowa’s 82nd General Assembly has already solved all of the pressing issues in Iowa (other than Clean Elections, corporate hog lot control, Iowa’s current Health Care crisis, environmental issues, just to name a few), so they can focus entirely on Culver’s Regionalism issues.

The GOP may want to consider other solutions before drawing a line in the political sand. For instance, they should inspire a succession. Just as West Des Moines succeeded from Des Moines and created its own governing municipality, western Iowa should do the same. Western Iowa can formulate its own government leadership and build its own University. I’m sure Rep. Steve King’s son’s construction business would enjoy a no-bid contract to help build the University of Western Iowa.

Iowa GOP Flag Desecrators Inflamed by Ruling

Thanks to a recent Iowa Supreme Court ruling, Iowa’s Minority Party finally found a retread wedge issue they can rally around: Flag Desecration. On Wednesday, U.S. District Judge Pratt of Des Moines, ruled Iowa’s flag laws are unconstitutional because they’re too vague to enforce.

Oh yeah Mister Fancy Pants Stickler for the Rules, Activist Judging from the Bench? Iowa’s GOP unconstitutional lawmakers will see about that. Too vague you say? Humpf! On that note, House Republicans have vowed to fix that: "We are simply advocating that we should not leave the Capitol without fixing this," said Rep. Jeff Kaufmann, a Republican from Wilton. "I don't think you can let this simmer."

There seems to be a fine line between flag desecration and free speech. Let’s toggle between the two and see what happens.

The first law at issue is IOWA CODE SECTION 718A.1, which details what people cannot do with and to the flag, including using it in advertisements and on clothing.

(WARNING: the following images may violate your sensibilities and/or provoke you to commit a crime (e.g. flag burning). Political Fallout cannot be held responsible for any crimes committed by its readers, in particular those directly linked to the reading of this post and/or viewing the following pictures. You’re advised to peruse at your own risk.)

Rounding up the Usual Suspects: Iowa's GOP Flag Desecrators...

EXHIBIT A: Jim Nussle

Former Iowa Gubernatorial candidate and staunch congressional flag protectionist Jim Nussle sports a desecrated flag shirt while pimping votes on a parade route in Iowa. The shirt was hand-stitched by a 12-year old girl in an Indonesian factory, a job Nussle helped outsource while serving as chair on the House Budget Committee.

EXHIBIT B: Johnson County GOP's Desecration Headquarters

Upon infilitration of the Peoples' Republic of Johnson County, the JC GOP held a desecrated flag ribbon-cutting ceremony to honor the opening of their new desecration headquarters. The occasion was symbolized by the dualing desecrating elephant logos hanging overhead the entrance way.

EXHIBIT C: Iowa Delegation at the RNC

The Iowa Delegation at the RNC wears desecrated flag napkin hats while reciting the Pledge of Allegience.

EXHIBIT D: Rep. Christopher Rants's Underpants

This flag desecration needs no explanation. (Note: Due to additional displays and charges of indecency, a model was used to display the questionable evidence.)

The second law under contention is IOWA CODE SECTION 723.4, which forbids any display of the flag that shows "disrespect" for it as a symbol of the United States, or which may "provoke" someone to commit a crime.

Off the record: All of the images displayed above not only inspired me to write this post, but provoked me to commit the heinous crime of desecration, which by law, may be deemed a simple misdemeanor, should authorities actually decide to prosecute. I would encourage you to BURN THIS POST IMMEDIATELY!!! But be extremely careful, for lighting matches in the blogsphere can be highly inflammatory.