The Republicans’ four-day Infomercial ended Thursday in Minnesota’s fraternal Twin Cities, and despite the fact no literal casualties were reported (although crews have yet to clear all of the balloons from ground zero), it is safe to say that politics will never be the same.
McCain shows off the largest of his seven homes, bragging his eighth, The White House, will be his biggest achievement of all
Regarding the latter allusion, I felt like the target audience inside the arena was upper middle class folks who have been duped by the powers that be that such a distinction exists and those prone to sporadic bouts of amnesia or Nationalistic-induced Tourette’s Syndrome outbursts:
“U.S.A…U.S.A…U.S.A…!” (shouted to drown out dissenters)
“Drill, baby, drill…! (chant for collective lobotomy to help end dependence on foreign thinking)
I realize the GOP wants the voting electorate to whitewash the past eight years in their minds, but I couldn’t help but feel I was watching an Amnesia Convention. Or was it a gun show? It seems I have forgotten.
Everyone, including McCain, knows that John SYDNEY McCain was a P.O.W. in the Vietnam War, and was shot down and tortured by his captors. But did every speaker need to remind us of this?
Everyone, including McCain, knows that former New York Mayor Rudy Guliani was on the ground during the Sept. 11 attacks, but just in case, the RNC displayed a video of the New York City skyline at sunset as it reflected off the harbor and Rudy’s receding skyline.
Before mocking Obama and community organizing, Rudy Giuliani read Allen Ginsberg's poem, "America," with the NYC sunset falling on the harbor in the backdrop
Romney used the platform to deliver his 2012 speech, filled with liberal bashing and an allusion to “Romeo & Juliet” with an attempt at poetry and the sun rising in the east. Somebody forgot to tell Romney that Romeo and Juliet die in the end of the play – not an optimistic outlook for the former Eastern Governor.
Most Effective Speech: President Bush
Although the party faithful oohed and ahhed over Palin’s speech, the most effective speech was the one not delivered, thanks to Hurricane Gustav. Not being seen with Bush trumps being seen with Palin in any hand, unless you are playing with Karl Rove’s loaded deck. Can’t wait for the next two months of 52-card pick up, now that the GOP has officially declared a Jihad on the MEDIA (sparing only the fair-and-balanced FOX News, so somebody will be left to tell the story to future neo-cons). Tsk, Tsk, GOP; I suggest giving Gary Hart his presidential playbook back.
Best Chant: “Four More Years…Four More Years…!”
Republican National Commercial Political Fallout Index:
Ratio of Protestors to GOP Delegates: 9 to 1
Ratio of Corporate Lobbyists to GOP Delegates: 17 to 1
Number of protesters arrested outside of convention center: 400
Number of Delegates who fell asleep during McCain’s speech: 400
Number of times speakers said “executive experience”: no total (abacas ran out of beads)
Number of times speakers talked about health care: 0
Number of times Republicans played P.O.W. card: no total (again, abacas ran out of beads)
Money can’t buy you “Big Love,” but it can buy you a formerly Iowa-GOP sponsored Straw Poll victory in Iowa. Given the amount of money and family members Romney has poured into this weekend’s Straw Poll in Ames, he should have naming rights for this year’s fundraising extravaganza: The Mitt Romney Ames Straw Poll (unless of course Marvin Pomerantz has anything to say aout it.)
Feeding off his sponsorship of this year's Ames Straw Poll fundraiser, Mitt Romney has already begun the merchandising component of his campaign's business plan. Romney unveiled the Mitt Romney bobble-head doll at the Iowa River and Power Company Wednesday in Iowa City.
Not to mention, Romney reportedly has chartered over 100 buses that he’s filled with prostituted voters (I say this with apprehension, given my mom is one of these alleged prostitutes…) and has paid for their trip, the $35 ticket, and food. Brownback has supposedly matched Romney with 100 chartered buses, while Huckabee failed to get on the bus early and was too late in chartering buses for the event. Meanwhile, rumor has it that Tancredo contracted the Texas Minutemen to ride up north and deliver voters to the Hilton Coliseum via horseback.
So predicting Romney will “win” the Straw Poll would be like predicting the well-financed Steinbrenner New York Yankees would win the ’98 World Series. Besides, with Romney’s commanding lead in the Iowa polls (followed closely by “I don’t know”), he has nothing to gain, much like the Iowa Hawkeye football team has nothing to gain by adding Western Michigan to the end of this year’s schedule.
That said, let’s look at the race for second:
Brownback and Huckabee are competing for the social conservative vote, and this may end up splitting the vote, but the nod goes to Brownback. After all, he claims to be God’s Senator, and the God-fearing Christian Right cannot risk taking any chances here voting against Brownback – you know, just in case it’s true. Call it spiritual insurance, if you -- or God will.
The Ron Paul Revolution should be in full force, but how much of this force will be qualified to vote in the Straw Poll remains to be seen. Paul could finish anywhere from second to last, but the safe bet is fourth, while the risk-takers (i.e. Ron Paul Revolutionaries) may gamble and bet on Paul to show.
Tancredo should be able to whip up the xenophobic crowd, which takes no pains to closet their spite against illegal immigrants. I didn’t realize illegal immigrants posed such a threat to Western Iowa, which is fairly depopulated and primarily farmland. I thought the point of leaving your family indefinitely and risking your life by crossing the border was to make more money – not less by stealing farmers’ jobs. Drawing from his fervent gun-show base, Tancredo should lead the second tier.
Tommy Thompson and Duncan Hunter have already packed their bags and booked their flights. Thompson said he would drop out if he didn’t finish first or second. Have a safe trip home, Tommy.
So here’s the final scorecard*:
1. Mitt Romney 2. Sam Brownback 3. Mike Huckabee 4. Ron Paul 5. Tom Tancredo 6. Tommy Thompson 7. Duncan Hunter
*Not including the non-participants, Giuliani and McCain, nor the White Knights of the GOP, who are sitting on the sidelines before they announce their intention to rescue the Republican Party (Fred Thompson and Newt Gingrich).
More important, here are the real winner of this year’s Mitt Romney Ames Straw Poll:
1. The Iowa GOP – which stands to raise over a million dollars for their fundraiser
2. The Bus Charter Companies (including the out-of-state charter buses Brownback has pimped out to Iowa)
3. Ames – their numbers should do well against the State Fair in Des Moines
4. My Mom -- for scoring an all-expense paid trip to Ames on Romney's dime
5. The Ron Paul Revolution -- win or lose, these folks know how to have fun
Last Friday I wrote a commentary piece on the “Iowa Independent” about GOP Hawk hypocrisy. At the end of my commentary, I questioned Romney’s call for a “surge of support,” while his strapping sons drive around Iowa in a 30-foot Winnebago raising more money for his campaign – not the troops.
Yesterday in Bettendorf, Rachel Griffiths, a member of the Quad City Progressive Action for the Common Good, as well as the sister of an Army major who had served in Iraq, asked Mitt about this during an “Ask Mitt Anything”:
Griffith’s question and Mitt’s justification of his son’s call to his duty have taken off in the national media. "One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."
(Commentary) I honestly believe that I was born with irony and hypocrisy radar chips embedded in my cerebral cortex. And nothing sets the radar off more than a civilian hawk, especially one who vehemently calls for war yet is unwilling to donate, sacrifice, or spill his own blood or that of his loved ones in support of the cause.
My first face-to-face encounter with a hypocritical hawk took place in Jan. 1991 at the onset of the first Gulf War. I was a full-time student at the University of Iowa at the time, and I was also in the Army’s IRR ( Inactive Ready Reserves), meaning I could get called back into active duty should Bush Sr. decide my services were needed. I had already completed my active duty service, but as is the case with every soldier who enlists, I had to finish fulfilling my eight-year contract with Uncle Sam. I was feeling conflicted about the notion of having to leave school and return to the Army. I felt as if my life was moving forward and the military chapter of my life had closed behind me.
One snow-covered January day before the spring semester had begun, I was on my way to the University of Iowa book store when I heard shouting at the UI Pentacrest. A group of protestors had gathered to protest President Bush’s Jan. 15 midnight ultimatum and subsequent bombing of Saddam’s troops in Kuwait. Ironically, the shouts weren’t coming from the sign-wielding protestors, but rather, a group of counter protestors. Not only were the counter protestors yelling obscenities, but they were also throwing snowballs at the protestors.
I approached one of the ringleaders who had just heaved a tightly packed snowball at his intended target, while simultaneously yelling, “Support our troops you pussy commies!” When I asked him what was going on, the young twenty-something informed me that he was part of the UI College Republicans, and they were sick and tired of those damn hippies undermining our troops. “Besides, we have just as much right to exercise our free speech as they do.”
“Does exercising your free speech always involve throwing snowballs?” I asked.
“Why do you care?” he responded while his cohorts fired another round of snowballs.
“Just curious, that’s all,” I said.
“I support our troops, and that’s all that matters. They should be supporting them too,” he said.
“By support, do you mean you’re enlisting?”
“You mean join the military?”
“Yep.”
“I don’t have time to join right now. I’m in college, and I need to finish up here before I think about doing anything else.”
“I see,” I said.
As I walked away, I could hear the shouts fade in the background as thoughts of having to abandon college and go serve in Kuwait invaded the forefront of my mind. While walking to the bookstore, I pondered a quote from, “The Things They Carried,” a book by Vietnam veteran Tim O’Brien who wrote, “There should be a law, I thought. If you support a war, if you think it’s worth the price, that’s fine, but you have to put your own precious fluids on the line. You have to head for the front and hook up with an infantry unit and help spill the blood. And you have to bring along your wife, or your kids, or your lover. A law, I thought.”
This got me thinking about today’s metaphorical “War on Terror.” Since the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have yet to be officially declared by Congress, it’s only fitting that Congress pass legislation that institutes an Undeclared Draft---possibly adding it to the 22nd amendment. Here’s a working draft of the bill, The Undeclared Draft Act, which I crafted on Dec. 6, 2006 in response to Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa, who called for an additional 100,000–150,000 troop surge in Iraq and Afghanistan:
Congress, during times of Undeclared War, shall have the right to institute or reinstitute an Undeclared Draft. Using a lottery system, persons eligible for the Undeclared Draft will be randomly selected from a pool comprised of anyone over the age of 18 who supports any military actions ordered during a time of Undeclared War. The pool will also be extended to include anyone whose mother or father is an elected official and supports, whether it be directly or indirectly, said military actions.
Sounds fair to me, but I’m not sure this would bode well with the hawk-infested political community, especially considering most of their sons and daughters are serving tours on college campuses, while unrelated troops are serving multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.
The grenade, however, doesn’t fall far from the hawk’s desk, for they’ve managed to breed the same hawk-like hypocrisies into their children. In his documentary-style video, “Generation Chickenhawk: The Unauthorized College Republican Convention Tour,” Max Blumenthal documents the next generation of Republican hawks and their hypocritical mentality when it comes to actually supporting the war.
After visiting Section 60 of Arlington National Cemetery on July 13, 2007, Blumenthal headed across the street to the College Republican National Convention.
In conversations with at least twenty College Republicans about the war in Iraq, I listened as they lip-synched discredited cant about "fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here." Many of the young GOP cadres I met described the so-called "war on terror" as nothing less than the cause of their time.
Yet when I asked these College Repulicans why they were not participating in this historical cause, they immediately went into contortions. Asthma. Bad knees from playing catcher in high school. "Medical reasons." "It's not for me." These were some of the excuses College Republicans offered for why they could not fight them "over there." Like the current Republican leaders who skipped out on Vietnam, the GOP's next generation would rather cheerlead from the sidelines for the war in Iraq while other, less privileged young men and women fight and die.
"Generation Chickenhawk: The Unauthorized College Republican Convention Tour"
The other day I received an e-mail message from Mitt Romney, who’s calling for a “surge of support” to go along with the recent troop surge in Iraq. In doing so, Romney attacked the Democrats’ allegiences towards the troops:
While some Democrats in Congress say they support the troops who are making these sacrifices, many don’t support the work they are doing to make the surge a success.
By troop support, Romney means visiting and/or joining an organization that sends supplies, care packages and other moral boosters over to our deployed troops. This is great, but nowhere in his plan does Romney indicate that we should support our returning veterans as well or support Jim Webb’s congressional measure that would give our troops more down time upon their return before redeployment.
Nor does Romney, who has been blessed with five strapping sons, suggest supporting our troops with fresh meat from his own familial den of young military hawks. I received a campaign e-mail yesterday from Josh, one of Romney’s sons, who has been cruising around Iowa in his dad’s 30-foot Winnebago in an effort to raise support for his dad’s Ames Straw Poll.campaign.
To help illustrate the great economic divide and the “Two Americas,” John Edwards announced his candidacy in Katrina’s wake, New Orleans. To help emphasize Lincoln’s abilities of bringing together a divided nation, Barack Obama announced his candidacy in Lincoln’s birthplace, Springfield, Illinois. To help illustrate America’s innovation abilities, Mitt Romney announced his candidacy at anti-Semite’s Henry Ford’s Museum in Dearborn, Michigan. (Note: Ford's newspaper, "The Dearborn Independent" didn't just espouse anti-Semitic attitudes but spread the wealth, capturing the anti-immigration, anti-labor, and anti-liquor sentiments of his time.) “Duh. What were you thinking?”*
Without further adieu, we would like to present to you the second winner of the Political Fallout “Duh” Award:
Winner: Mitt Romney
“Duh, what were you thinking?”: For officially announcing presidential candidacy at the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan. The move was criticized by the National Jewish Democratic Council, who “noted that Ford was an outspoken anti-Semite who was ‘bestowed with the Grand Service Cross of the Supreme Order of the American Eagle.” (see right)
According to the council’s executive director, Ira Forman, “Romney has been traveling the country talking about inclusiveness and understanding of people from all walks of life. Yet he chooses to kick (off) his presidential campaign on the former estate of a well-known and outspoken anti-Semite and xenophobe."
Despite the council’s pre-emptive attack on Romney’s decision to make his announcement at the Ford Museum, the campaign stuck to its Lugars and made the announcement at the museum anyway. "Governor Romney believes our country needs to put innovation at the forefront if we are to ensure a stronger, safer and more prosperous America," said Romney’s spokesman, Eric Fehrnstrom. "The Ford Museum embodies that bold, innovative spirit."
The Romney Campaign had also considered other places known for emboldening the innovative spirit:
1. Atop the Hollywood Sign in Los Angeles, California...
...but Romney had a change of heart when he just recently heard about the massacre at Wounded Knee.
3. Springfield...
...butRomney changed his mind when he heard Obama was making his announcement in Springfield.
*Political Fallout has established the “Duh” Award, which will honor people, politicians, groups, political factions, or any other entity whose actions merit a “Duh, what were you thinking?” response from any member of the blogsphere community. Another factor that will be considered during the “Duh” Award vetting process is how the candidate responded to the controversy, especially if the nominee acts genuinely surprised. “Duh, what were you thinking?” has been adopted and trademarked by Political Fallout as one of its official catch phrases. Anyone who uses this phrase, without thoroughly compensating Political Fallout, will be served papers from the Political Fallout legal team, suing them for “unfair use." (“Duh, what were you thinking?”)
Faster than a breeding polygamous Mormon Fundamentalist, more powerful than the Christian Right, and able to leap Latter Day Saints’ Churches without snagging his temple garments: It’s a dove, it’s a hawk, why it’s Super Subliminal Mormon Man!
Republican presidential candidate Mitt (Super Subliminal Mormon Man) Romney brought his outsourced Yankee snake oil (brewed and bottled by unwed children in remote salt flats of Utah) to Waterloo on Friday night, throwing a change-up pitch at voters (potential snake-oil consumers): Focus on his political resume (voted Democrat in ’92, supported gay marriage, tried to out-liberal Ted Kennedy in senatorial bid), not the liberal reputation of the state it was written (officially dubbed, “The Most Liberal State GOP Money Can Buy,” while he was the state’s CEO).
Romney, the former governor of Massachusetts, touted his conservative credentials (purchased from company advertised in back of “Rolling Stone” magazine) on education, budgets and social issues in a state (“You-Know Where”) known as a Democratic stronghold (New Iraq). "There are a few Democrats there (the “Place-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named”)," Romney joked with more than 250 people during lunch at a local brew pub (What Would Joseph Smith Jr. Say?). "But there are also a few good Republicans (1.5), conservatives like myself (John Kerry and Ted Kennedy) who battle away ... working with good people (both hetero- and homosexual) on both sides of the aisle to get things done (wink, wink)."
Romney, 59, was elected to his single term as governor in 2002. He stepped down earlier this month to join a crowded field of Republicans (polygamous sausage fest) seeking the nomination (of Head Sausage Meister). Romney touted his record on education: "Republicans care about education (testing). Democrats can't do what needs to be done there (“You-Know-Where”). They are so wedded to the teachers union (marriage not recognized outside of the “Place-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named) they can't put kids first (front lines of salt flats)."
Several attendees said they liked his support for President Bush's plan to send more troops to Iraq (Oh, when the Latter Day Saints go marching in…)
Faster than a breeding polygamous Mormon Fundamentalist, more powerful than the Christian Right, and able to leap Latter Day Saints’ Churches without snagging his temple garments: It’s a dove, it’s a hawk, it’s Super Subliminal Mormon Man!
Vol. 1: “Yuletide Hompophobia”
On Wednesday night, Mitt (Super Subliminal Mormon Man) Romney’s Commonwealth (oxymoron) PAC (Political Action for Christ and/or Cash) hosted a Christmas party (get drunk in the name of Jesus, commit regrettable acts underneath the mistletoe while simultaneously making mental note to ask Jesus for forgiveness the next day) in West Des Moines (not to be confused with its sinister neighbor, Des Moines), where the GOP faithful (no $ denominations excluded) gathered to celebrate the birth of Jesus (when everybody but Jesus gets to open presents), energize his potential base (fellow same-sex marriage bashers), and take a united stand against Homosexuals (people who, technically, cannot help propagate the Mormon movement with more foot soldiers).
During the festivities, Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney affirmed his opposition to gay marriage. "I feel very strongly (more than my affection for Joseph Smith Jr. and Jesus combined) that we (the insecure) should preserve traditional marriage (one man and as many women as he wants for Fundamentalist Mormons) and at the same time preserve our heritage of respect for people who make different choices in their life (excommunicate them from the Mormon Church immediately!)," said Romney, governor of the only state to have legalized gay marriage. "I know there are some people (those who don’t ascribe to the untenable logic of the Latter day Saints) who would say, 'Your position is inconsistent,' but I don't believe it is (not documented in Joseph Smith Jr.'s teachings)."
Romney opposes same-sex marriage and extending to gay couples most of the legal rights afforded to heterosexual couples. He said Wednesday he was open to allowing gay couples hospital visitation rights (if they wear rubber gloves), for instance, but declined to list other rights he would extend (freedom of religious worship if renounces homosexuality and joins the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints).
Last week, a gay community newspaper in Boston reprinted a letter Romney wrote (cannot be held responsible, for under the influence of human compassion at the time) to a gay GOP group in 1994 in which the then-candidate for U.S. Senate pledged to support the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act.
"As a result of our discussions (in gay Mormon chat room) and other interactions (while wearing additional layer of protective temple garments) with gay and lesbian voters across the state, I am more convinced than ever (including Mormon doctrine itself) that as we (the chosen heterosexuals of Jesus Christ) seek to establish full equality (let’s not go overboard here) for America's gay and lesbian citizens (When did they become citizens?), I will provide more effective leadership (behind closet doors) than my opponent (Satan’s Little Helper)," he wrote in the closing weeks of his unsuccessful bid to unseat Sen. Edward Kennedy.
Romney told reporters last week that he no longer supports the federal nondiscrimination act, saying it would invite a flood of lawsuits (build Ark and save Mormon followers from deluge of litigation), according to press reports. He has also said that his support for equal rights for gays and his opposition to legal status for gay couples are consistent (blind faith here).
Feeding off his sponsorship of this year's Ames Straw Poll fundraiser, Mitt Romney has already begun the merchandising component of his campaign's business plan. Romney unveiled the Mitt Romney bobble-head doll at the Iowa River and Power Company Wednesday in Iowa City.
Winner: Mitt Romney
