Monday, December 11, 2006

Feeding the Satiric Muse: Now Serving My Presidential “Hot List”

With all of the ’08 Presidential Hopeful Hot Lists already flooding the blogsphere (Common Iowan, John Deeth, Political Madman, Drew Miller, Political Forecast), I thought I would help contribute to the deluge (adding yet another layer to the ozone, eh Gore?) by focusing on the candidates’ potential for feeding the satiric muse.

Chez Political Fallout Presidential Menu: ’08 Selections

Democratic Fixins

Lil’ Nibblers: A little something for political satirists and to nibble on until the Republicans start showing up to the dinner table and opening their mouths.

Wes Clark
Bill Richarsdson
Chris Dodd
Joe Biden


Al Gore Burning-Bush Tossed Salad: Smothered in Red-Sea Vinaigrette, this organic salad is deeply rooted in the Appalachians -- where Al took solace after the 2000 election, conversed with God and returned to impart Inconvenient Truths. (Due to the exponential rise in allergic reactions to the Truth, you may request to have the Truth either mixed in or served on the side.)

Main Courses: The D.L.C. Meat and Potatoes

Hillary Clinton Fillet Mignon (16 oz.): Marinated in a vat of corporate money, this seasoned meat will appeal to all centrist pallets and is bound to catch the ire of satirists on both sides of the fence. The dish comes served with a choice of side, either Tom Vilsack or Evan Bayh.

Just Desserts

John Edwards’ Son of a Mill Worker Apple Pie: Nothing spells populism better than a slice of homemade apple pie. Ummmmmm…don’t let the smell of the American Dream wafting through the window blow by you this time.

The Barak Obama Sacred Cow: The hottest item on the menu at Chez Fallout, guaranteed to singe the pallets of the most discriminatory taste buds. Most political satirists aren’t willing to touch this item -- not even with a 34-and-a-half foot pole.

Doggy Bag

John Kerry*
Dennis Kucinich

*Due to an E. coli breakout, this item has been temporarily removed from the menu until the epidemic can be successfully quarantined. Any signs or sightings of John Kerry in the state of Iowa should be immediately reported to Chez Political Fallout and/or The Center for Political Disease Control.

-Thanks, Management.

Republican All-You-Can-Eat Moveable Feast

All items on this menu are served as part of the All-You-Can-Eat Moveable Feast served 24 hours/day and 7/days a week.

Sam Brownback*
Newt Gingrich
Rudy Giuliani
Chuck Hagel
Mike Huckabee
John McCain

*"God’s Senator" is destined to rise above the fray and provide enough satiric material to merit his own web site.

In case you missed the subtext, here’s Political Fallout’s predictions if the Iowa Caucuses were held today:

Democrats: Obama, followed by Edwards, Hillary, and Vilsack

Republicans: Who cares? (Other than Republicans and political satirists, whose job security depends on these folks.)


Anonymous said...

Please please please nominate Obama. As a Republican, I know the only two people we'll surely take down are Hilary and Obama. Seriously--a first-term senator from the Midwest??? Kiss the South goodbye!

noneed4thneed said...

Kiss the South Goodbye? Didn't Democrats do that back in the 60's?
That would be like Republicans saying they should kiss the Northeast goodbye.

The swing regions are the midwest and the west.

Anonymous said...

Being from the South and also a former Republican, I have to say that the first poster is clueless. The Midwest isn't exactly Massachusetts, and half of Mississippi has relatives in Chicago. From what I hear from my own relatives and friends down South---even conservative, religious, rural white folks---Obama is pretty well liked so far. He can do the religious language thing in ways that those who don't know the lingo don't even hear it, and those who do think he's one of them. Don't sell this guy short just yet.

Anonymous said...

Be careful what you wish for, Anon #1...