Kucinich Takes Time Off from Santa’s Workshop to Announce Candidacy

Fueled by his growing frustration with his fellow elves’ apathetic effort towards fulfilling their constituents’ requests, Dennis Kucinich announced he was throwing his elfin hat into the Presidential Ring of Fire. “Every day, thousands of letters come pouring into the Workshop’s mailroom from kids in America, asking for one thing and one thing only: their moms and dads,” said Kucinich. “They could care less about iPods, Barbie Dolls, or Tickle-Me-Elmo; they want Santa to bring their parents home from Iraq.”