Immigration Roundup: Rep. Steve King’s Heart “Two Sizes Too Small”

Rep. Steve King, Iowa’s Master of Political Horror and vigilant Crusader against illegal immigration, weighed in with his response to the recent raid on the Swift & Co. meatpacking plant in Marshalltown. King’s primary concern, given the thousands of workers at Swift, was the low arrest rate -- hypothesizing that some illegal immigrants “went through the net.” It appears King has been watching too may “Planet of the Apes'” films.

During a raid on Swift & Co. in Marshalltown, actor and NRA activist Charlton Heston, was ensnared by Homeland Security ICE agents. During an interrogation, Heston's documents revealed his illegal alien status, and he was later deported to his homeland, The Planet of the Apes.

King also revealed his true "compassionate conservative" colors, claiming that some of the children, who were left behind, may be American citizens and will be cared for as such while their parents are deported. Further flexing his compassion muscle, King had these words for the children left behind: “If the family wants to be reunited, there is such a thing as a family reunion on the other side of the border.”

Speaking of weighing in, King stepped up on the Sam Brownback Christian Conservative Values Scale, and not only did he register a “full-scale” Christian Conservative reading, but his heart measured “two sizes too small”.

X-ray photo of Rep. Steve King's heart (actual size)

Apparently King wasn’t completely satisfied with sending more troops over to Iraq (and recommending even more), leaving behind thousands of children without their parents for Christmas. But now that ICE has stormed Swiftville and stole more parents from their children, King’s sadistic smile and the glint in his beady eyes should safely return soon.

You’re a Mean One, Mr. King

You’re a mean one, Mr King.
You really are a political tool.
You’re as cuddly as barbed wire,
You’re as simple as the obligatory fool,
Mr. King.

You’re a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.

You’re a monster, Mr. King.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You’ve got garlic in your soul,
Mr. King.

I wouldn’t touch you with a
Thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!...