In an attempted figurative attack on the Senate’s non-binding resolution, Senator Christopher Dodd issued forth the following non-binding metaphor:
“We have a sense of the Senate on asparagus,” said Dodd. "They don’t mean a whole lot.”
The attempted metaphor is nonbinding, because there in no clear sense of how the two unlike things are being compared, unless Dodd knows something about asparagus he’s not sharing with us. Let’s take a closer look at Dodd’s intentions through a metaphoric lens.
First, Christopher Dodd “had proposed an alternative to the non-binding resolution, formally known as the “sense of the Senate.” Dodd’s binding resolution would have had more teeth in it, calling for more accountability. So Dodd’s non-binding metaphor suggests the non-binding resolution that failed was his binding resolution – only “on asparagus”? Why asparagus? Did he mean to say asparagus? Or I shudder to ask, was this some kind of Freudian slip?
The bigger question is how does something abstract change when it’s on asparagus, or how does asparagus alter its previous state? Was Dodd trying to convey that when a non-binding resolution is on asparagus, the new altered state:
a) Leaves a bad taste in your mouth (assuming you don’t like asparagus)
b) Makes people engage in a never-ending line of argumentation that begins and ends with “Yeah, but…”
c) Makes your pee smell funny the next day
d) All of the above
If this wasn’t confusing enough, Dodd attempts to extend the non-binding metaphor: “They don’t mean a whole lot.” So is the “they” the Senate? If so, do they not mean a lot because they’re on asparagus? Or does the addition of asparagus render nutritive “meaning”?
Senator Dodd (or campaign staff member), if you’re reading this post and you’ve made it this far, Political Fallout would like to offer the following suggestion when drawing out non-binding resolution comparisons in the future. In the vein of a more risky, Dr. Strangelovian approach, we suggest:
The non-binding Iraq Resolution is a publicly displayed masturbatory exercise where everybody gets five minutes to show their stuff, but in the end, the only ones getting screwed are the American public.
Dear Readers, please forgive me for this non-binding post about semantic nothingness and Strangelovian slips of the tongue. Either it’s the asparagus talking or the asparagus made me do it. Regardless of the cause, I know one thing for certain: my pee sure is going to smell funny tomorrow morning.
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