Tuesday, February 20, 2007

OBAMA is Bigger Than Jesus

Before you get whipped up into a zealot-induced frenzy, run to the nearest book store, and purchase copies of Barack Obama’s last bestselling book, “The Audacity of Hope” – only to burn it publicly or watch your local radio DJ repeatedly run copies over with a steamroller -- let me clarify something for you, dear Reader. OBAMA is bigger than Jesus on My Space, not Our Space. Although, given Obama’s phenomenal rise of late, one could argue that he is giving the Savior a run for his money – at least in the world of politics.

So how would Jesus stack up against Obama in the ’08 Presidential Race?

Political Heavyweight Tale of the Tape

My Space Race

OBAMA: 42,704+

Jesus: 19,774+

Advantage: OBAMA

2. Age

Obama: 45

Jesus: 33

Advantage: None (Really an unfair advantage, given Jesus is not old enough to run for the highest seat in American politics, not to mention we don’t know what wisdom Jesus gained during his “lost years.” Oh, the bureaucracy of it all.)

3. Weight

Obama: The hopes of American voters who sense we can transcend the barriers of cynicism erected by the current status quo of “politics as usual.”

Jesus: The sins of all Man.

Advantage: OBAMA (Duh, hope floats.)

4. Reach:

Obama: Although Barack has been blessed with long, lanky arms, his message has just begun to reach out and extend to Americans and the global community. Although, keep an eye out for his political right jab.

Jesus: Has already built a solid political base, his message reaching out and resonating with key activists for over 2000 years. Not to mention, Jesus is well organized on the ground and has thousands of branch offices across the United States.

Advantage: Jesus (A 2000+ year head start is too big an obstacle to overcome in a single year.)

5. Political Experience

Obama: Despite his limited experience in political office (8 years in the Illinois Senate and just over one year in the U.S. Senate), Obama has been using this as a political asset, painting himself as a Washington D.C. outsider – especially his stance against the war in Iraq. Obama says he has enough experience in D.C. to know that the system needs fixing, if not a serious overhaul.

Jesus: Not only is Jesus the quintessential anti-war candidate, but his 2000+ year record as a political dissident speaks volumes (i.e. “The New Testament”). Jesus was persecuted for standing up against the Roman and Jewish authorities in favor of an alternate political view and social order that's more representative of the people.

Advantage: Jesus (Even though Obama gets bonus points via Alan Keye’s 2004 campaign pronouncement that “Christ would not vote for Obama,” he cannot overcome Jesus’ political dissident track record, thus giving the nod to Jesus.)

6. Foreign Policy Experience

Obama: Often times dogged for his supposed lack of foreign policy experience, Obama has actually lived abroad during his formative years -- unlike other political offiiclas who claim to have foreign experience, because they’ve talked extensively about it or flown over third-world countries in a helicopter.)

Jesus: Because of his “lost years,” it’s hard to gauge just how much Jesus learned abroad, but given the means of transportation (not including the ability to walk on water) and communication during his day, it’s safe to say Jesus didn’t wander too far from home.


7. Gospels/Message

Obama: “Audacity of Hope” is currently #1 on the N.Y. Times Bestseller List (non-fiction) and #10 for all books purchased on Amazon.com.

Jesus: “The New Testament” – the highest ranked edition falls in at 92,925 on the Amazon rankings list for all books.

Advantage: OBAMA (Granted, more copies of “The New Testament” have been sold worldwide and it’s one of the highest ranking all-time bestsellers in America, but this doesn’t cut if for the next year of the political cycle. Besides, a lot of New-Testament-toting voters have only read selected parts and tend to forget all the Jesus parts when they're blinded by wedge issues.)

8. Rock-Star Status

Obama: The indisputable “King of Rock ‘n' Politics.” Obama draws nearly 3000+ fans at every mega-townhall campaign stop, drawing in record crowds and spawning new Facebook sites all over the virtual world.

Jesus: Closest ascent to contemporary rock infamy is the Broadway musical production of “Jesus Christ Superstar.”

Advantage: OBAMA

The ‘Fallout’s political tale of the tape gives Obama a 4-3 advantage over Jesus if the two were pitted against one another in the ’08 presidential election. So in this context, OBAMA is bigger than Jesus.

Gentlemen, start your steamrollers…


Anonymous said...

Yeah, I hear you man. Only, you got to factor in the PR machine. The Bible is the NUMBER ONE BEST SELLING BOOK OF ALL TIME, and the audacity of hope, or whatever its called, is only the book de jour.

On the other hand, does Jesus send you, like, 10 dozen emails a day telling you what his crowd size is?

Anonymous said...

I love Obama, but I love Jesus so much more.

Can't compare a mortal being with an everlasting God :)

Anonymous said...

I'm digging Obama too. But without a doubt, Jesus is the Man...

You're probably right about Obama's popularity and his my space prowess, but Jesus gets the edge for his ability to reach over party lines, making the tale of the tape a 4-4 draw. Even better, a Jesus/Obama ticket. I'd love to see the Christain conservatives try and attack Jesus'liberal credentials.