Giuliani’s Post-4/3 Fallout: “The Iowa Caucuses Will Never Be the Same”

"He-Whose-Name-Cannot-Be-Spelled" warms up Des Moines audience with vintage Marlon Brando Godfather impersonation.

Lord Rudy, or “He-Whose-Name-Cannot-Be-Spelled,” planted his flag in Iowa soil on April 3rd, forever burning 4/3 in Iowa voter’s collective memory -- especially social conservatives, who stood by stricken with paralysis and mouths agape as the words “The Iowa Caucuses will never be the same” filled the air.

With Lord Rudy’s top consultant, Jimmy the Hustler, at his side, “He-Whose-Name-Cannot-Be-Spelled” attempted to sway social conservatives and environmentalists by co-opting world-renown vegetarian Popeye the Sailor’s catch phrase: "I am who I am and people have to evaluate the whole, the whole record.”

To help ease some of the social conservatives’ misgivings, the Dynamic Adulterous Duo broke into a song and dance routine of “The Bugs Bunny Show” overture:

(Note: this is a dramatization. These are animated actors merely portraying the Dynamic Adulterous Duo. In no way is this image intended to depict Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny as adulterers.)

Overture, curtain, lights,

This is it, the night of nights

No more rehearsing and nursing our parts

We know every part by heart Overture, curtain, lights

This is it, we'll hit the heights

And oh what heights we'll hit

On with the show this is it

Tonight what heights we'll hit

On with the show this is it.