Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Iowa House Amends Unconstitutional Flag Law, Making It Less Unconstitutional

Are you ready to rummmmmmmmmmble…!? It looks like a Battle Royal between the Iowa House and the Iowa Courts is shaping up, pitting activist judges who legislate from the bench against activist legislators who judge from their desks. What we have here is an epic battle of tit-for-tat. In one corner we have the judicial branch, which is trying to protect the sacredness of the constitution from those who wish to desecrate it with unconstitutional amendments. In the other corner we have the legislative branch, which is trying to protect the sacredness of the American Flag from those who wish to desecrate it. Believe me you, flag desecration is happening all over the place in Iowa, especially in the GOP rank and file. Not to mention, not a day goes by when I don't drive by either a public flag burning or an upside down flag visible from the roadside.

Upon analyzing the tale-of-the-tape, the Iowa House has the advantage when it comes to fan support and merchandising. Because the Iowa Constitution is a little more abstract, people have a harder time getting riled up and frothing at the the mouth over the desecration of a piece of paper, whereas a defiling of the American Flag is more visible. The Iowa Courts need to take a more proactive approach and rethink their merchandising strategy. They could start by selling large banners adorned with a copy of the Iowa Constitution (right), thus providing potential constitution burners something visible to torch in a public square as part of a counterprotest. Once these defamatory acts begin lighting up the media spotlight, the merchandising possibilities are infinite. Imagine bits and pieces of the Iowa Constitution visibly displayed on computer screen savers, beer coasters, campaign buttons, bumper stickers, bathing suits, and underwear. (Although I’m not sure how much of the Iowa Constitution will actually fit on a thong, I guess there’s only one way to find out, eh?)

The Iowa House may have the advantage when it comes to political jabbing, but the Iowa Courts packs a mean knock-out-punch. The Iowa House can knowingly pass a bill that doesn’t merit constitutional muster, while the Iowa Courts wait for somebody to violate the new law, then proceed to challenge the law's enforcement, pushing it through the court system until it finally gets knocked out in Iowa's Supreme Court:

"I'm not going to kid you, this thing is going to go right back into court after we fix it, and it's going to be challenged again, and we may be back here again and again and again," said Rep. Jeff Kaufmann, a Republican from Wilton.

Question: So then why would legislators continue to waste time and taxpayers’ money making unconstitutional laws?

Answer: To bankrupt the ACLU, that’s why.

Ding! Ding! Let the fight begin again and again and again and again…