Friday, April 20, 2007

Iowa Lawmakers’ Got Game?

While key legislation hangs in the balance of the DMZ (Democrat Majority Zone), where bills such as VOICE, CAFO, and Civil Rights have been sentenced to solitary confinement, our legislators find refuge in mindless games, such as computer solitaire, on the House and Senate floors. Why engage in meaningful debate, when you can play by yourself?

(Political Surgeon General's Warning: Playing computer solitaire in either the House or Senate chamber may lead to carpal tunnel, bills Killed in Committee (KIC), negative public perceptions, pent up frustrations which lead to verbal outbursts on unsuspecting public citizens in the state capital corridor, or worse, a political leadership position.)

It appears freshmen lawmakers aren’t allowed to sit at the big table when the session winds down, as their leaders play their political games behind closed doors. Senate Minority Leader and occasional gamer Mary “She’s Got Game” Lundby wasn’t too surprised when Sen. Bill Heckroth, D-Waverly, took the Senate floor on Thursday decrying his colleagues' behavior during legislative sessions:

“As a new senator, it just didn’t make me feel real good to think that that’s our image,” said Heckroth, who was first elected last November. “You hear enough bad things about being a politician.”

Gamer Lundby shrugged off Heckroth’s advice: “Freshmen are always shocked by what goes on,” Lundby said. “Next year, he won’t even mention it. He’ll probably be playing games.”

Senate Sultan of Solitaire Mary Lundby: "Got game? Bring it on!"

In the meantime, since our freshmen lawmakers aren't allowed to pariticpate in the political games, maybe we should put them to work, or give them something to do while killing time.

List of Seven Things Freshmen Lawmakers Can Do While Their Leaders Are Off Killing Bills in Committee:

7. Gather holy oils for ceremonial anointment of congressional leaders' feet when they descend upon the den of slackdom and impart their representative wisdom

6. Download music, ring tones, and games before the tax hammer falls

5. Go mow the bosses’ lawn and try their bureaucratic scissorhands at the topiary arts (Note: the proposed starting Terrace Hill groundskeeper salary is $5000 more than that of an entry-level lawmaker)

4. Surf Iowa political blogs and, using clever pseudonyms, leave snarky comments about their leaders (see comments below)

3. Sneak off to Taco John's and beat Mary “She’s Got Game” Lundby’s high score on Galaga, so you can enter SUX above her initials (Tee Hee:))

2. Babysit, chauffeur, and protect the Bossman’s kids, saving the taxpayers an additional $250,000

1. Go raise another $500,000, so they can buy a leadership gig and join in the political leadership games


Anonymous said...

How many House leaders does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: Nobody knows, the answer died in a subcommitte.

Anonymous said...

Kiss my ass, T.M!

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