Fallout’s Mock the Hillary Theme Song Vote

In an attempt to tune in with voters, Hillary Just Hillary has launched a campaign theme song election, and she’s imploring YOU, “Time” magazine’s 2006 Man of the Year, to rock (and a little bit country) the vote. Sounds totally Hillacious, eh? You know, like, music totally transcends political boundaries and corporate ties and stuff, you know. Like, check out the Hillary Just Hillster in her latest YouTube cameo:

“Video Killed the Political Star,” by Hillary Just Hillary



To help sustain the illusion of a bottom-up Democracy, Political Fallout has decided to participate in the campaign. After intensive internal and external polling, extensive test-marketing research, and conducting blind study groups (led by James Baker), we’ve announced the top 10 songs recommended to help spearhead “Political Fallout’s 2007 Mock the Vote” efforts.

Top 10 Write-In Candidates:

“The Grand Illusion” -- Styx

“I’m Just a Bill” – Jack Sheldon (Schoolhouse Rocks)

“Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls” -- TLC (not to be confused with the DLC – Democrat leadership Corporation)

“Dream On” -- Aerosmith

“Little Willy” -- The Sweet

“Special Secret Song Inside” -- Red Hot Chili Peppers

“God Save the Queen” – Sex Pistols

The Iraq War Trilogy

Part I: “Masters of War,” by Bob Dylan

Part II: “Highway to Hell,” AC/DC

Part III: “I Can’t Explain” – The Who

And the winner of Political Fallout’s 1st unofficial 2007 “Mock the Vote” campaign:

“Little Willy” – The Sweet ('cuz Little Willy, Willy won't go home...)



Help support Political Fallout’s “Mock the Vote” write-in candidacy for Hillary Just Hillary’s campaign theme song and SUBMIT your vote now: click here to vote.
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Wonkette is running a write-in campaign as well (Wonkette).

Check out John Deeth's take, "Hillary's Playlist: What, no Rage Against The Machine?" (Iowa Independent)

Tommy Thompson Makes Excuses for Condoning Bigotry

At a state GOP convention in Wisconsin, presidential candidate Tommy Thompson provided the audience and reporters with excuses as to why he said he supported an employer's right to fire a gay worker in private business. He told the audience that a dead hearing aid and an urgent need to run to the bathroom made him do it. Thompson later told reporters that he’d been battling the flu and bronchitis and this also added to his mistaken answer.

Tommy Thomspon’s response at GOP Debate at the Ronald Reagan Library



I didn’t quite see the familiar signs of one whose hearing aid is on the fritz and/or has to make a run to the bathroom. The whole post-debate-excuse affair is reminiscent of a note a school teacher may have received from an enabling parent, excusing her child for making inappropriate comments:

Dear Voters,

Please excuse Tommy for the inappropriate remarks he made the other night condoning bigotry in the workplace. His hearing aid was malfunctioning and we haven’t and a chance to get it fixed. I've just been so busy with the presidential run and all. Tommy’s very sensitive about his hearing aid, so I hope you’ll understand why he didn’t say anything earlier or ask for Mr. Matthews to repeat the question. I can’t tell you how awful I feel about this. Furthermore, poor Tommy’s had been battling the flu and bronchitis the days prior to the GOP presidential debate, and he really didn’t want to miss it -- so I decided to let him participate.

Unfortunately, between his hearing aid, the flu, and bout of bronchitis, Tommy misunderstood a question asked by Mr. Matthews and gave an answer he really doesn’t agree with. Believe me, I know Tommy better than anybody and he would never discriminate against the gays. In fact, he has gay friends who are hard-working employees in the private sector.

Just between you and me, the flu and bronchitis have had an adverse impact on Tommy’s bladder and bowels, whcih made it hard for him to concentrate during the debate. Tommy would die if he knew I was telling you this, so I hope you’ll keep it just between us. I’m not trying to make excuses for Tommy’s remarks; I just thought you would want to know. Thanks for listening and reserving judgment on Tommy. He’s had such a rough time lately.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Parent

When weighing the question asked, Tommy’s response, and what he thought was asked, it’s hard to reconcile these discrepancies and Tommy Thompson’s plea to voters to take a “leap of faith.” And given Tommy has proclaimed himself the Reliable Conservative, I’m willing to bet my “King James Bible” that his targeted base is not ready to make that big a leap.

Not to mention, Tommy’s excuses only serve to undermine his credibility regarding all of his other responses during the debate.

So when the moderator, Chris Mathews, called for a show of hands for those who own a gun or don’t believe in Evolution, did Tommy raise his hand indicating he’s really a gun-toting Creationist?

Or was Tommy really raising his hand to ask permission to go to the bathroom?
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Cross-posted @ "Iowa Independent"

“Pimp Tax” Man Grassley Defends His Turf ‘Gainst Obama

The home front for the “War on Words” has shifted from D.C. to Iowa, where Sen. “Pimp Taxin’” Grassley is attempting to defend his home turf against Sen. Obama in the latest exchange of words over their stances on the Iraq War spending bills in Congress.

Senior Senatorial Player Grassley to Junior Senator Obama: “You want some of this? You wanna play in my house, you gotta play da rules, non-Senatorial Obama. Otherwise, you’re gonna pay da price. Just ask the Pimp Tax Man, man.”

Sen. Grassley has had the home turf advantage in Iowa for the past 32 years, while Sen. Obama has benefited from the media surge fueled by his presidential candidacy. Sen. Grassley is trying to fight the “War on Words” from D.C. with one arm tied behind his back.

News Capsules from the War Front:

May 6th: During a campaign stop in Waterloo, Sen. Obama said the Senate needs only 16 votes in the Senate to override President Bush’s veto. He called upon Iowans to help evoke change: "If everyone here makes the decision that they are going to bring about change in this country, change is going to come."

To help instigate the “War on Words,” the “Des Moines Register” proceeded to stir up the hornet’s nest:

Obama did not name names, but he was likely referring to U.S. Sen. Charles Grassley, an Iowa Republican. Iowa's other U.S. senator, Tom Harkin, a Democrat, voted with the majority of members of his party.

And for those of us who are familiar with the early beginnings of the Cold War (you know, the other Metaphoric War), nothing fires up a cauldron of fear and paranoia than implying a good ol’ fashioned naming names allusion.

May 9th: Sen. Grassley responded to Sen. Obama’s comments during a conference call with Iowa reporters:

"Let's say pretty much that it's not senatorial and if you can't be senatorial, how can you be presidential?" "Generally, when you're from another state, you don't take pokes at another senator," said Grassley. "I would find that very difficult to go and do in Illinois, and tell his constituents to get on him about something."Grassley added: "You know what really makes it less presidential is, I'm not running for president. I'm not one of his opponents."

May 10th: Sen. Obama stood his ground in Indainola, reiterating his previous position, and responded to the recent heat from Sen. Grassley:

"I believe that all of us have to take responsibility to make sure that we change hearts and minds.When I become president I will bring this war to a close, but I don't want to wait another year and a half to do it."

May 11th: Sen. Grassley’s Press Secretary, Beth Levine, delivered the latest attack in the “War on Words” by releasing the following statement in response to Sen. Obama’s comments in Indianola:

“Sen. Obama’s comments yesterday renew the questions about his readiness. Overriding President Bush’s veto of a timetable for withdrawing troops from Iraq would have to take place first in the House of Representatives because that's the chamber of Congress from which the legislation originated. It's been demonstrated that the votes aren’t there to override that veto, despite the fact that the House is controlled by Speaker Pelosi and the Democratic Party. So, there isn’t an opportunity for a veto override in the Senate in this case and, as a result, there’s no way that Sen. Grassley holds a key vote. Sen. Obama might want to sign up for American Government 101 to learn about the veto process. Or, he could learn the job he has in the U.S. Senate before thinking he ought to be President.”

Or maybe Sen. Obama should sign up for Sen. Grassley’s “American Politics 101” and learn how to play the game of politics from a seasoned insider.

American Politics 101: Rules for engagement during an attack in a “War on Words”

Rule 1: Monitor threats and attacks during incubation period.

When you’ve been attacked or feel threatened, whether directly or indirectly, it’s essential to subject perceived threats to an incubation period, where they can been monitored for damage control. If the threat backfires, ignores it. If the threat gains no traction, ignore it. (e.g. Sen. Grassley initial response to Sen. Obama’s comments is that he likely willl "brush it off and ignore it.")If the threat does gain traction, it’s imperative to move on to the next rule of engagement.

Rule 2: Remove threat from incubation by publicly responding to or denouncing attack.

This should happen regardless of whether or not the attacks are implicit, explicit, true, or even partially true. If not denounced in a timely manner, the public will perceive them to be true or that you’re hiding something.

(Warning: Do not overplay your hand at first. Voters may perceive this as being defensive, as if the original attack hit home for whatever reason.)

Rule 3: If the threat continues to gain traction, despite your initial retort, send out the attack dogs and rev up the Spin Machine.

If the attack or perceived attack continues to gain traction, unleash your attack dog, who will issue an attack on your behalf, butt cannot be directly linked to you. After all, this is the main reason why we’ve created Vice Presidents, Lt. Governors, campaign managers and press secretaries in politics.

Rule 4: Keep repeating rule #3 until the media loses interest and/or a fresh, unrelated scandal breaks out.

Given the majority of voters have the attention span of Boo Radley, this shouldn’t take too long, assuming the attack process isn’t conceived within three months of an election.

So the big question now is whether or not Sen. Obama is going to “stay the course” and play Sen Grassley’s game of “American Politics 101,” or is he going to “brush it off and ignore him”?

Either way, there’s little doubt the media will ignore it. This much we’ve all learned from the Cold War, eh Sen. McCarthy?

Check out my other version, "American Politics 101: Grassley's Staff Attacks Obama" @ (Iowa Independent)

McCain Touts New Scapegoat: Mr. Potato Head

In a town hall meeting in Fort Dodge, Sen. John McCain appealed to voters by blaming Mr. Potato Head for the GOP’s election losses. Senator McCain has come under fire for his adamant support for the Iraq War and the surge of troops, and to help deflect these criticisms, he hired Mr. Potato Head to serve as his campaign’s obligatory fall guy. Mr. Potato Head’s agent said, “If anybody can take the heat, it would be my client, Mr. Potato Head. This won’t be the first game of hot potato he’s been in, and I guarantee that it won’t be his last. Through thick and thin, Mr. Potato Head is in to win.”

Senator McCain showcases his uncanny resemblance to his new campaign scapegoat, Mr. Potato Head.

Emulating McCain’s “Straight Talking Express” campaign motif, Mr. Potato Head has called for complete transparency and has openly disclosed some of the terms of his contract.

I, Mr. Potato Head, agree to serve as Senator McCain’s campaign scapegoat, and will take responsibility for all of the following:

Helping create the Civil War in Iraq, and had the President listened to me and sent more troops at the beginning of the war, this Civil War would have a lot more civil than it is now.

Any terrorist spud cells that manifest in the continental United States.

Any terrorist who follows our soldiers home (should the U.S. begin withdrawing troops before we actually win the war).

Anna Nichole Smith’s death. (Laugh now, but mark my word as a legal American spud, this will be McCain’s first Swift Boat incident.)

I’m the one who hired McCain’s character assassination hit team.

Any apparent flip-flops on Sen. McCain’s behalf between now and the ’08 election.

I wrote the lyrics to “Bomb Iran.”

Using ancient spud hypnosis, I made McCain completely forget the McCain-Feingold bill and its intent.

The tamper-proof ID card was all my idea.

1st Round of GOP Presidential Debate Goes to Reagan

Capitalizing on home-field advantage, former President Ronald Reagan dominated last night’s GOP presidential debate at the Reagan Library, posthumously winning the first round. That said, the remaining field of living GOP candidates are faced with an uphill battle if they’re going to overcome “The Great Communicator’s” resurgence in the party. Although, recent history has been kind to GOP candidates who lose to dead people; just ask John Ashcroft, whose senatorial bid in Missouri was upended by a deceased candidate. Ashcroft’s defeat served as a stepping stone for landing an Attorney General a gig under President Bush.

Based on what I heard during last night's non-debate, my guess is that Nancy Reagan gave the candidates a motivational speech just before going on stage, reminding them where the GOP used to stand when her husband was President. Either way, the GOP hopefuls took the stage imbibed with Ronald Reagan’s presence and the collective game plan of injecting Reagan into everything. I felt like I was listening to Jim Zabel calling an Iowa Hawkeye football game, conveniently threading in commercials into his color commentary:

Zabel: “He’s got a man wide open in the end zone. The pass is up, it’s a beauty. The Hawkeyes are going to score. Touchdown! He dropped it! Nobody around him for miles and he dropped the ball. Unbelievable! Speaking of unbelievable and dropping, come on down to Nathan Arizona’s Unpainted Furniture, where prices are dropping as we speak. That’s Nathan Arizona’s Unpainted Furniture, proud supporter of your Iowa Hawkeyes.”

Albeit a slight exaggeration, the GOP hopefuls made allusions to Reagan on several occasions. The Republican Party is still in a recovery mode after their political trouncing in the ’06 election. The GOP is suffering an identity crisis, and it appears they’re looking back to the GOP salad days of President Reagan to help find answers and conservative rebirth. During the first portion of the non-debate, I thought the Cold War was still going on. Although, maybe these guys are on to something; resurrecting a good ‘ol fashioned Cold War may be just the remedy to stamp out the War on Terror.

Before the non-debate I posed the question: Will the Real Conservative please stand up?

After the non-debate, the next question the GOP hopefuls are asking as a means of searching their party’s soul and presidential nomination is:

Will the next Ronald Reagan please stand up?

Ten Little Reagans: Which one of these lucky contestants will be the next Ronald Reagan?

GOP Debate: “American Conservative Idolatry”

In tonight’s GOP presidential debate, or “Epic Battle for the Conservative Voter’s Seal of Approval,” the candidates will be vying to establish themselves as The Conservative of the GOP Party. In order to gauge an accurate reading, it looks like Political Fallout will have to break out its Official Sam Brownback Christian Conservative Values Scale (Compassion Not Included). Although this scale only works on religious and some social conservatives, it will be a good tool for beginning the conservative vetting process. With all the different sects and branches of conservatism popping up underneath God’s umbrella (e.g. fiscal, cultural, neo-, etc.) it would be impossible to get an exact reading.

I hope the debate moderators hit upon the conservative labeling quagmire from the very beginning, just so the audience can rest assured that all of the candidates are indeed conservatives. I imagine a lightning round of introductions playing out like this:

(Note: Candidates have been ranked by their Political Fallout Conservative Score (PFCS), which is based on the candidates’ own perception of their conservatism and cross referenced with internal polling.)

Moderator: “Will the real conservative candidate please step forward?”

Top Tier Conservatives

Sam Brownback: “I’m God’s Senator, and I’m a Full-Scale Conservative.”

Mike Huckabee: “I’m a Genuine Conservative with genuine convictions.”

Second Tier Conservatives

Tommy Thompson: “Unlike others who say they’re conservatives, yet don’t act conservatively, I’m your Reliable Conservative."

Jim Gilmore: “I’m not just your ordinary, willy-nilly conservative. Why, I’m a Faithful Conservative.”

Duncan Hunter: "I hope to be the Most Conservative."

Born-Again Conservatives

Mitt Romney: "Not only am I a Conservative, I'm a Conservative Republican."

Conservative Flavor of the Week (formerly the Neoconservative Special)

John McCain: "I was a Conservative when it was cool not being Conservative and not a Conservative when it was cool, but now I assure you that I am indeed a Conservative. For now anyway."

Non-Practicing Conservatives (formerly L*beral Conservatives)

Rudy Giuliani: "I'm a Conservative (pause) no, really, I am."

Tune in tonight to watch the candidates battle it out for the no-holds-barred Conservative Rubber Stamp.

How Do You Spell Stubborn?

V-E-T-O

“Mission Accomplished – 4 Years Later”

Doc Fallout’s Spin Machine: Bush’s VETO Speech

Bush: “…members of the House and the Senate passed a bill that substitutes the opinions of politicians for the judgment of our military commanders”

Doc’s Spin: Military commanders = military commander (singular), meaning the Chief Executive Officer (who by the way happens to be an opinionated politician as well).

Bush: “It makes no sense to tell the enemy when you plan to start withdrawing.”

Doc’s Spin: Bush is right. This would be like telling the enemy when you plan on entering, thus providing them time to pack their bags and head to Iraq.

Bush: “All the terrorists would have to do is mark their calendars and gather their strength and begin plotting how to overthrow the government and take control of the country of Iraq.

Doc’s Spin: The terrorists already mark their calendars every day with their daily “To Do” list:

1. Gather strength
2. Plot overthrow of Iraq
3. Send thank you note to Bush for helping fuel their cause

Bush: “I believe setting a deadline for withdrawal would demoralize the Iraqi people, would encourage killers across the broader Middle East and send a signal that America will not keep its commitments. Setting a deadline for withdrawal is setting a date for failure, and that would be irresponsible”.

Doc’s Spin: Duh, this has already happened without setting a deadline for withdrawal.

Bush: “That means America's commanders in the middle of a combat zone would have to take fighting directions from politicians 6,000 miles away in Washington, D.C. This is a prescription for chaos and confusion, and we must not impose it on our troops.”

Doc’s Spin: For definition of “chaos & confusion,” see current policy of “Bush and Bush.”

Bush: “It's true that not everyone taking innocent life in Iraq wants to attack America here at home, but many do. Many also belong to the same terrorist network that attacked us on September the 11th, 2001 and wants to attack us here at home again. We saw the death and destruction al Qaeda inflicted on our people when they were permitted a safe haven in Afghanistan. For the security of the American people, we must not allow al Qaeda to establish a new safe haven in Iraq.”

Doc’s Spin: Like the 9/11 – al Qaeda connection, the Iraq War is getting old, and now Bush wants to set up a terrorist franchise in Iran.

Bush: “Without a war-funding bill, the armed forces will have to consider cutting back on buying new equipment or repairing existing equipment. Without a war-funding bill, we add to the uncertainty felt by our military families. Our troops and their families deserve better, and their elected leaders can do better.”

Doc’s Spin: Bush is right, our elected leaders can do better. How do you spell success in Iraq?

I-M-P-E-A-C-H-M-E-N-T

Doc Fallout is Political Fallout’s resident Spin Doctor and has been spinning the truth before spinning the truth was in vogue.

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Iraq: Rural America's foreign war (Iowa Independent)