Robot Heckles Bill Clinton on Behalf of Sister Souljah During Iowa Stop

Not everyone was happy to see Bill Clinton in Iowa City Tuesday night. Just as Clinton was about to hit his stride, an unidentified robot heckled the former president, who was playing the surrogate role while stumping for his wife, Hillary Clinton, at the Iowa Memorial Union on the University of Iowa campus.

Dressed as a contemporary robot reminiscent of Gort in the 1951 film “The Day the Earth Stood Still” (see pic below), the soon-to-be heckler mounted a chair on the media platform as if it was going to snap a picture of Clinton. The chair began to wobble a bit before fellow journalists offered support, not knowing at the time that they were aiding and abetting a future heckler.

Armed with a plastic microphone, the heckler, Mr. Ifobaca (Mad Robots in Favor of Bill Clinton Apologizing), made his demands:

“I want you to apologize to Sister Souljah!”

Trying to maintain his poise, Clinton initially fell into a sophomoric rebuttal: “Look, look into the mirror... ”

Clearly on a premeditated mission, Mr. Ifobaca began throwing dozens of multicolored slips of paper in the air, thus providing Clinton with the opportunity to recapture his wits and respond:

“You need to find a more responsible ways to protest than throwing graffiti around. “You can disagree with me without killing a tree.”

Most of the crowd laughed at Clinton’s quip (not because he said graffiti, when he meant to say confetti), but some were enraged by the disruption and began booing and yelling at Mr. Ifobaca. One woman, clearly a devout Hillraiser gauging by her Hillary flair adorning her blouse and matching jacket, began screaming at Mr. Ifobaca and waving her arms at the robot as if she intended to scratch his eyes out. Mr. Ifobaca, unperturbed by the woman, namely because he was wearing safety goggles for such occasions, was eventually escorted from the platform and ballroom by security.

After Mr. Ifobaca left, a Hillary Clinton team entered the media pit and made a mad scramble for the littered propaganda, making sure all the calling cards were collected before they fell into the wrong hands. The scene was reminiscent of the 1967 Abbie Hoffman stunt in which he and his fellow demonstrators threw fistfuls of dollars (most fake) down to traders on the New York Stock Exchange, some of whom booed, while others scrambled frantically to grab the money as fast as they could.

No charges were pressed against Mr. Ifobaca, who, unmasked, was not Klaatu, but rather Kembrew McLeod -- a tenured professor in the Communication Studies Department at the UI. McLeod, who has published four books on freedom of expression and intellectual property issues, has a documented history of committing pranks on his web site. McLeod is also a documentary filmmaker, including “Money for Nothing: Behind the Business of Pop,” which won the Rosa Luxemburg Award for Social Consciousness at the 2002 New England Film Festival.

McLeod, President of the Iowa Chapter of MR. IFOBCA has been on a mission for the last 15 years in an effort to get Clinton to apologize for “dissing Sister Souljah while happily accepting the honor of being America’s “'first black president,'” as novelist Toni Morrison once put it. In his manifesto, “Why did I bum rush Bill Clinton?,” Kembrew vows to continue sending an army of robots to all future Clinton appearances until he apologizes to Sister Souljah.

Kembrew made do on his vow Monday night, only Clinton did not reciprocate by publicly apologizing to Sister Souljah, the former member of the outspoken hip-hop group Public Enemy, a crew known for its pro-black politics.

Moreover, Kembrew makes the following claim on his manifesto:

The first time I fully realized Bill Clinton was not on the side of racial andsocial justice was after the “Sister Souljah Moment,” as it has come to be known in political circles. In a mean-spirited move—something straight out of Karl Rove’s playbook—Clinton tried to demonize a young Black woman named Sister Souljah by taking something she said out of context. Clinton did this to ingratiate himself with white upper-middle class swing voters during the 1992 presidential campaign, and he portrayed Sister Souljah as a reckless radical who advocated killing white people. This was patently false, and Bill Clinton knew it, but that didn’t stop him from cynically turning her into a sacrificial lamb that helped save his flagging campaign.

With less than a month left before the caucuses, the question remains whether McLeod or one of his robots will pop up on the campaign trail in Iowa.

Mr. Ifobca (alias Kembrew McLeod) is escorted out of the IMU by Clinton staffers, but vows to be back

Originally posted on "Iowa Independent"

Breaking News: Clinton Endorses Clinton During Muscatine Dog-and-Pony Show

Iowans were surprised today when former President Bill Clinton hit the campaign trail in Muscatine, Iowa and endorsed Sen. Hillary Clinton for the coveted political nod: “The person I’d most likely want to go into a blizzard of adversaries until the last dog died.”

Dog-fighting adversaries, still reeling from the high-profile Michael Vick conviction, took note of Bill Clinton’s liberal use of dog-fighting metaphors and vowed to ramp up the anybody-but-Hillary voting contingency.

Hillary uses her powers of persuasion to convince Bill that she is well deserving of “The person I’d most likely want to go into a blizzard of adversaries until the last dog died” endorsement

In unrelated news, a spokesperson for Michelle Obama has indicated that Michelle, unphased by the recent Ophrah-endorsement bump, is leaning toward endorsing her husband Barack, but is holding off on her decision until she has met all of the candidates.

Democratic Candidates Endorse Biden, Sort of… (And Other Observations from the Campaign Trail in Iowa)

While watching the last three or four Democratic non-debates, I stopped counting after 100, I’ve noticed some distinct patterns emerge, one of which was the number of times Sen. Joe Biden’s competitors acknowledges the “Ears of Experience” candidate. Whether it be agreement or praise, the red flags kept popping up and it looks like I’m not alone. The Biden campaign seized on this and spliced together a medley of Biden’s political peeps piling on the kudos to the beat of Randy Newman’s “You’ve Got a Friend in Me.”

“Candidates Agree: Joe is Right!”



While watching over the campaign trail in Iowa (Yes, Political Fallout has staffed its own “Big Brother” – not to be confused with Hillary Just Hillary’s Big Brother Tom Vilsack), I’ve noticed a number of other patterns and/or trends that have emerged along the dusted-up trail over time.

Let’s begin with the Democrats:

1. The candidates of CHANGE* are no longer painting themselves as the candidate of change with bold brush strokes.

*Candidate of Change: candidates who, while working in D.C., had an epiphany after being visited by the DLC (Democratic Leadership Corporation) Ghosts of Democracy Past, Present, and Future.

Besides, what change were they promising in the first place, a change form the past eight years of tyrannical despotism? Duh!

2. The Son of a Mill Worker was locked up in solitary confinement once the “War on Lobbyists” was officially declared.

3. Obama’s Wayne’s-World induced flashbacks to the definitive moment five years ago when he spoke out against an impending war on Iraq have been fewer and far between.

4. Hillary Just Hillary’s initial campaign theme, “Let’s Have a Conversation,” is still going strong -- only the dynamics have changed from Hillary having a discourse with paid staffers to Hillary having conversations with surrogates of paid staffers strategically planted in the crowd.

Now on to the Republicans:

1. Rudy Giuliani has managed to reign in his “9/11 Tourettes” to some degree, but as caucus night nears, the anxiety is bound to unleash a barrage of 9/11 episodes on the trail.

Rudy Giuliani’s “9/11 Tourettes” flared up while addressing NRA members:



2. While Tancredo had cornered the market on xenophobia, the GOP frontrunner in Iowa, Mitt Romney, illustrated why he's the "Turnaround Artist" when he usurped the “Beware of the Illegal Immigrant Under the Bed” crown, which was spearheaded by his fear-mongering Americana TV ads in Iowa.

3. As predicted, Fred Thompson’s best chance of winning the GOP nomination was not actually running or officially declaring his candidacy, and now that he’s running his poll numbers are sliding. Although three months have passed, and what do we really know about Fred, eh? What I would give to be a fly on the wall of Fred’s brain – preferably not the side where the campaign teleprompter projects empty rhetoric.

4. It looks like the GPS device on McCain’s “Straight Talkin’ Express” made the bus take a wrong turn at Albuquerque and has chosen to bypass Iowa on the road to the White House…parking lot.

Reported Missing in Action (MIA):

Democrats: Dennis Kucinich & Mike Gravel

Republicans: Duncan Hunter & Joe Lieberman

Reservoir Dems Plot Political Job at Harkin Panderfest

Six perfect strangers teamed up for the perfect political crime at the annual Tom Harkin Panderfest in Indianola: Steal back the White House and restore the U.S. Constitution.

From left to right: Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Nice Guy, Mr. Brown, and Mr. White

Not Pictured: Mr. Orange and Ms. Pink (she's on another job)

For full coverage of the political job pulled by the Reservoir Dems., go to the "Iowa Independent"-- the official news outlet for this year's Harkin Panderfest.

Nussle Officially Takes Financial Helm of Bush’s Sinking Ship

Generally speaking, padding your resume with the title of director of the White House Office of Management and Budget would be considered a vertical move for political climbers. Jumping aboard President Bush’s S.S. Lame Duck, however, may have dire political consequences for former Iowa Rep. Jim Nussle, who was officially sworn in as Bush’s budget chief Monday. While a number of those in Bush’s cabinet have bailed ship, Nussle has agreed to sign on to Bush’s crew.

As his administration attempts to navigate the shark-infested waters of bloodthirsty Democrats before next year’s fiscal budget begins, Bush has chosen to “stay the course” and steer the S.S. Lame Duck, full throttle, toward the iceberg, Iraq. Meanwhile, the Democrat-controlled Senate has approved only one of the 12 House-passed appropriation bills to fund the new fiscal year starting Oct. 1.

President Bush offers to hold Nussle's sports jacket as he prepares to walk obligatory plank on S.S. Lame Duck

Now, armed with the threat of Bush’s newly discovered weapon of choice, VETO, Nussle will have to negotiate the budget with top congressional Democrats. Bush has already threatened to veto some budgetary items bound to plunge his approval ratings even deeper into the abyss of forgotten presidents. Bush’s current approval ratings are hovering around 30 percent, but these should plummet as GOP leaders, one by one, continue abandoning the president, who has chained himself to the budgetary elephant in the room, the war in Iraq.

Using his Office of Management and Budget (OMB) to do his dirty business, Bush has already indirectly threatened to veto a Veterans Affairs funding bill that would give the Department of Veterans Affairs as much as $3.8 billion more than the Bush administration proposed in its budget.

“If Congress increases VA funding above the president’s request and does not offset this increase with spending reductions in other bills, the president will veto any of the other bills that exceed his request until Congress demonstrates a path to reach the president’s top line of $933 billion,” the OMB said in a July statement.

Rep. Chet Edwards, D-Texas, chairman of the House veterans affairs appropriations subcommittee, responded, “This bill is about respect and honors the promises made to our veterans with historic increases in funding to provide them the health care and benefits they earned when they put on our nation’s uniform.”

If shortchanging our veterans isn’t bad enough, Bush has also threatened to veto legislation that would renew the popular State Children’s Health Insurance Program, which provides health coverage to poor children. The Senate has proposed a $35 billion boost over the next five years for the program, but Bush’s budget calls for only $5 billion, contending he doesn’t want to further expand the government’s role in health insurance at the expense of private insurance.

Even Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, who strongly supported Nussle during his confirmation hearings, implored the president to rescind his veto threat in a joint statement with Sen. Orrin G. Hatch, R-Utah, warning the president that the Democrats might seek an expansion of $50 billion or more if there is no compromise.

"Tax legislation to expand health insurance coverage is badly needed, but there's no Democratic support for it in the SCHIP debate," said Grassley, the ranking Republican on the finance panel. "In the meantime, our SCHIP initiative in the Finance Committee takes care of a program that's about to expire in a way that's more responsible than current law and $15 billion less than the budget resolution calls for."

Grassley’s words fell on the president’s deaf ears, while the Ahab-inspired Bush fixates on the ubiquitous “War on Terror,” and his “stay the course” mentality in Iraq. Threatening to underfund wounded veterans and sick children makes one wonder: Who’s next? Senior citizens.

Enter Bush’s new messenger, OMB Director Nussle, whose job is deliver the Bush monetary mantra to Congress. Nussle has the unenviable task of trying to persuade Congress why they should scale back on domestic funding, while simultaneously convincing them why they should fund the money pit in Iraq. As he indicated in his swearing-in ceremony, Nussle has no plans of changing the president’s fiscal course and appears content with playing Bush’s rubber-stamp man.

"I believe government spending should be restrained and it should be transparent so taxpayers can see what results they are getting for their money," Nussle said, adding that he looks forward to advancing Bush's "pro-growth, low-tax policies that have strengthened our economy."

After soundly losing his 2006 gubernatorial bid in Iowa against Democrat rival Chet Culver (52 – 43 percent), Nussle’s political career appeared washed up. Nussle had abandoned his First-District seat in Iowa, which was usurped by Democrat Rep. Bruce Braley. During his political interim, Nussle took refuge as a consultant in Cedar Rapids, where he landed a consultant gig with Giuliani’s Iowa campaign.

Then along came Bush, who’s no stranger to appointing good 'ol boys who have been loyal to him. Not to mention, Bush has a soft spot for appointing those whose political careers have taken a nose dive. Take former Attorney General John Ashcroft, for example, whose career also appeared to be washed up when he lost his 2000 senatorial re-election bid in Missouri to a dead candidate, Mel Carnahan, who died in a tragic plane crash two weeks prior to the election.

And now Bush’s prodigal son, Nussle, has returned to the political nest in D.C. While other Bush appointees are jumping ship, citing a need to spend more time with family, or as was the case with former White House spokesman Tony Snow, to procure a job that makes more money.

Bush and Nussle swap deficit-spending jokes while sharing a limo ride on the tax payers' dime

Unfortunately, as Nussle sets sail with the S.S. Lame Duck, not only does he risk permanently drowning his own political career, but if he helps perpetuate Bush’s current fiscal policies, it’s the American people, who will ultimately suffer the consequences as we continue sinking our tax dollars into the monetary quagmire in Iraq. Although I imagine the Bush crew has mapped out its exit strategy for when the ship goes down, procuring enough life preservers for the wealthy folks on the upper deck, while the rest of us remain trapped in the lower decks as we fight for our lives, only to keep drowning in Bush’s sea of misguided fiscal policies.

Good luck, Mr. Nussle. P.S. Don’t forget to pack your PFD (personal floatation device) when leaving for D.C.

Originally posted on "Iowa Independent"

Gay Marriage in Iowa and the Pending Apocalypse

(Disclaimer: In no way, shape or listless form is this column intended to threaten the sanctity of marriage. No legal unions between men and women dissolved during the writing process. Nonetheless, some readers should proceed with caution if their faith in the sanctity of marriage is threatened by external forces such as the gay marriages of others, Village People songs at wedding receptions or literal translations of satiric parables. Keep in mind that the definition of satire is between satirists and their readers and should in no way be misconstrued by those who decry its very existence yet don't bother to read it. Such behavior will only serve to threaten the sanctity of satire, which in turn may lead to the end of the world as we know it.)

Upon hearing news of Polk County Judge Robert Hanson’s ruling smiting Iowa’s prohibition on same-sex marriage, I grabbed my well-thumbed copy of James Dobson’s “Marriage Under Fire,” hopped in my Sin City getaway car, and fled Des Moines before God had a chance to destroy the capital city with fire and brimstone. I had to reach moral high ground before it was too late. While crossing the county line, I was tempted to look back and steal one final glimpse of the capital city aflame.

But when I looked in the rear-view mirror, I felt disappointed. A firestorm had not consumed my place of birth; I had not turned into a pillar of salt. My wavering doubts in the sanctity of marriage slowly gave way to doubts about the moral prophets of doom, who have predicted that gay marriage not only will destroy the sanctity of marriage and the moral fiber of our society but also will serve as a precursor to the apocalypse.

Upon hearing Judge Hanson's ruling on same-sex marriage, the Lone Rider of the Apocalypse armed himself with throwing knives in order to protect his heterosexual marriage, which ended abruptly in divorce in 2002.

In his “Marriage Under Fire” manifesto, Dobson argues that same-sex marriage will bring about the end of the world: “The culture war will be over, and the world may soon become ‘as it was in the days of Noah.’” Dobson, chairman of the board of “Focus on the Family,” reiterated that theme in October 2004 when he asserted that allowing same-sex couples to wed would not only “destroy marriage. It will destroy the earth.”

One week later…

Des Moines is still standing, 21 gay couples are still married (although their licenses are now pending), and not a single heterosexual couple has reportedly filed for divorce on the grounds that gay marriage has ruined their union. Meanwhile, the moral meteorologists have lifted the fire and brimstone warnings, for now, since the window of opportunity for gay couples to marry in Polk County quickly slammed shut last Friday -- when Hanson agreed to suspend his day-old ruling.

The institution of marriage has managed to survive despite countless divorces and annulments, but those on the far right want us to believe that gay marriage will be the one thing that shreds the moral fiber of America. Speaking of unraveling, when Sen. David Vitter, R-La., was running for office in 2004, he warned about the toll gay marriage would have on our society in a statement on “Protecting the Sanctity of Marriage”: "The Hollywood left is redefining the most basic institution in human history.”

But this was nothing compared to Vitter’s off-color joke comparing the impact of gay marriage to the devastation wrought by hurricanes Katrina and Rita. "Unfortunately, it's the crossroads where Katrina meets Rita,” Vitter said while speaking at a Lafayette Parish Republican Executive Committee luncheon. "I always knew I was against same-sex unions."

This was all before Vitter’s name appeared on the “D.C. Madam’s” phone list and the lawmaker was accused of solicitation of a prostitute, which I believe I heard Dr. Phil once say is a threat to the sanctity of marriage. Vitter apologized for the incident and took full responsibility for his sins, thus cleansing him of wrongdoings. It appears adultery is forgivable but homosexuality remains damnable. Speaking of which, there is a component of our society that believes once gay marriage is legalized, the sky will fall:

The Sky Fell on these American Christians…



…the moment they opened their mouths and tried to string together a coherent line of logical analysis. Mark Twain said it best: “It’s better to be the fool and remain silent, then open your mouth and remove all doubt.” If these folks are God’s foot soldiers, He may want to consider reinstituting the draft.

Cue R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World”

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Originally posted on "Iowa Indpendent"

Political Fallout’s Mitt Romney Ames Straw Poll Predictions

Money can’t buy you “Big Love,” but it can buy you a formerly Iowa-GOP sponsored Straw Poll victory in Iowa. Given the amount of money and family members Romney has poured into this weekend’s Straw Poll in Ames, he should have naming rights for this year’s fundraising extravaganza: The Mitt Romney Ames Straw Poll (unless of course Marvin Pomerantz has anything to say aout it.)

Feeding off his sponsorship of this year's Ames Straw Poll fundraiser, Mitt Romney has already begun the merchandising component of his campaign's business plan. Romney unveiled the Mitt Romney bobble-head doll at the Iowa River and Power Company Wednesday in Iowa City.

Not to mention, Romney reportedly has chartered over 100 buses that he’s filled with prostituted voters (I say this with apprehension, given my mom is one of these alleged prostitutes…) and has paid for their trip, the $35 ticket, and food. Brownback has supposedly matched Romney with 100 chartered buses, while Huckabee failed to get on the bus early and was too late in chartering buses for the event. Meanwhile, rumor has it that Tancredo contracted the Texas Minutemen to ride up north and deliver voters to the Hilton Coliseum via horseback.

So predicting Romney will “win” the Straw Poll would be like predicting the well-financed Steinbrenner New York Yankees would win the ’98 World Series. Besides, with Romney’s commanding lead in the Iowa polls (followed closely by “I don’t know”), he has nothing to gain, much like the Iowa Hawkeye football team has nothing to gain by adding Western Michigan to the end of this year’s schedule.

That said, let’s look at the race for second:

Brownback and Huckabee are competing for the social conservative vote, and this may end up splitting the vote, but the nod goes to Brownback. After all, he claims to be God’s Senator, and the God-fearing Christian Right cannot risk taking any chances here voting against Brownback – you know, just in case it’s true. Call it spiritual insurance, if you -- or God will.

The Ron Paul Revolution should be in full force, but how much of this force will be qualified to vote in the Straw Poll remains to be seen. Paul could finish anywhere from second to last, but the safe bet is fourth, while the risk-takers (i.e. Ron Paul Revolutionaries) may gamble and bet on Paul to show.

Tancredo should be able to whip up the xenophobic crowd, which takes no pains to closet their spite against illegal immigrants. I didn’t realize illegal immigrants posed such a threat to Western Iowa, which is fairly depopulated and primarily farmland. I thought the point of leaving your family indefinitely and risking your life by crossing the border was to make more money – not less by stealing farmers’ jobs. Drawing from his fervent gun-show base, Tancredo should lead the second tier.

Tommy Thompson and Duncan Hunter have already packed their bags and booked their flights. Thompson said he would drop out if he didn’t finish first or second. Have a safe trip home, Tommy.

So here’s the final scorecard*:

1. Mitt Romney
2. Sam Brownback
3. Mike Huckabee
4. Ron Paul
5. Tom Tancredo
6. Tommy Thompson
7. Duncan Hunter

*Not including the non-participants, Giuliani and McCain, nor the White Knights of the GOP, who are sitting on the sidelines before they announce their intention to rescue the Republican Party (Fred Thompson and Newt Gingrich).

More important, here are the real winner of this year’s Mitt Romney Ames Straw Poll:

1. The Iowa GOP – which stands to raise over a million dollars for their fundraiser

2. The Bus Charter Companies (including the out-of-state charter buses Brownback has pimped out to Iowa)

3. Ames – their numbers should do well against the State Fair in Des Moines

4. My Mom -- for scoring an all-expense paid trip to Ames on Romney's dime

5. The Ron Paul Revolution -- win or lose, these folks know how to have fun