While sitting on the couch Easter evening, I witnessed a miracle. Standing tall on a bookshelf adjacent to the coach, my Jesus Action Figure raised his outstretched arms and poseable thumbs, looked at me, and spoke:
Jesus: T.M., why is it that you search for the dead among the living?
T.M.: I’m not following you, Jesus.
Jesus: Me neither, but that line sure makes a great Easter catch phrase. Anywho, I want you to do me a favor.
T.M.: No problem, Jesus. Whatever you want.
Jesus: First, will you turn my poseable thumbs downward and lower my arms? (I do as Jesus asks.) Thank Dad, my thumbs were killing me. I felt as if I had been eternally trapped in a hitchhiking scene from “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.”
T.M.: And the second thing you wanted?
Jesus: Huh? (long pause) Ah yes, I nearly forgot. I want you to listen to my words and preach a sermon to the 82nd General Assembly on your blog, "Political Fallout."
T.M.: Will do, Jesus.
Jesus: And hurry, there’s only a few weeks left in the session.
Sermon on the Couch: Or What Would Jesus Say if He Spoke to Iowa’s 82nd General Assembly
When He saw the Iowa’s 82nd General Assembly pushing forward meaningless bills legislating beer kegulation, amending unconstitutional flag desecration laws by making them less unconstitutional flag desecration laws, banning the hunting of live animals with an Internet hookup, barring the mutilation of human corpses to conceal a crime, barring Iowans from possessing bears and other wild animals, barring Idiots from voting, making channel catfish Iowa’s state fish, and regulating deer contraceptive drugs (so they don’t fall into the wrong hands), Jesus descended upon my couch and spoke:
Blessed are the poor, who should be protected from predatory lenders who partake in abusive mortgage lending practices.
Blessed are the meek, who shall inherit the land, assuming it hasn’t already been destroyed by corporate hog lot runoff.
Blessed are the persecuted, whose state civil rights protections were denied by those whose rights already are protected.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.
The time to rise up, walk the walk, and lift the burden has arrived…